Teach Yourself to Be More Confident

By Ange Fonce

No one is born "confident" and the "self assured" learn and develop to be that way... so you can too.

Are you as "confident" as you would d like to be? 

Very few people would answer "yes" to that question... yet anyone can "learn" to be more "confident"... and it is a skill you can teach yourself.

Begin by forgetting the notion that "confidence... leadership", and public speaking are abilities people are born with... in fact research shows that being "shy" and "cautious" is the "natural human state"... that is how people in early times lived to pass on their genes, so it is in our gene pool... you had to be cautious to survive. 

And the things your ancesters needed to worry about then are not the things you need to worry about today... so how do you teach yourself to be more confident?

1. Put Your Thoughts In Their Place.

The average human has 65,000 thoughts every day, and 85 to 90 percent of them are negative--things to worry about or fear... they are warnings to yourself, and left over from our cave-dwelling past... it makes sense... if you stick our hand in a flame your brain wants to make sure you do not ever do that again... and this survival mechanism works against us because it causes us to focus on fears rather than success.

The point is to be aware that your brain works this way, and keep that negativity in proportion... what you have to realize is your thoughts are just thoughts... they do not necessarily represent objective reality.

2. Begin At The End.

Two of the first questions I ask of a client who I am coaching is...

'What do you want to do? 

"What do you want to be?' 

A 9 times out of 10 they would reply... 

'I don't know?"

Knowing what you want is the key to start with... everything else you do is to be leading you where you want to go.... your GOALS.

3. Start With Gratitude.

Begin the day by thinking about some of the things you have to be grateful for... ost of the 7 billion people in the world will  not have the opportunities you do... if you start out with that perspective, you will be in the right frame of mind for the rest of the day.

4. Take A Daily Step Outside Your Comfort Zone.

There is a funny thing about comfort zones... if you step outside them on a regular basis, they expand... if you stay within them, they shrink... avoid getting trapped inside a shrinking comfort zone by pushing yourself to do things that are outside it.

We have all had experiences where we have done something that terrified us, and then discovered it was ot so bad... you will not always have someone standing by to kick you out of your comfort zones, so you have to do it for yourself. 

5. Remember: Dogs Do Not Chase Parked Cars.

If you are running into opposition, questions, and doubts, there is probably a good reason...you are going somewhere... that does not mean you should ignore warning signs... and it does mean you should put those negatives in perspective... if you do not make changes, and challenge the status quo... no one will ever object to anything you do.

6. Get Ready To Bounce Back.

It is not failure that destroys your confidence and sel-esteem,... it is not getting back up... once you get back up, you have learned what does not work and you can give it another try... taking more risks gets you where you want to go.

7. Find A Mentor.

Whatever you have set out to do, there are likely others who have done it first and can offer you useful advice or at least serve as role models... find those people and learn as much from them as you can.

8. Choose Your Companions Wisely.

Your outlook... negative or positive... will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with... so be careful who you hang out with... make sure you are hanging out with people who encourage you and lift you up.

9. Do Your Homework.

In almost any situation, preparation can help boost your confidence... have to give a speech... practice it several times, record yourself, and listen... meeting people for the first time... check them and their organizations out on the Web, and check their social media profiles as well... if you are prepared you will be more confident and the Internet makes it so easy.

10. Get Plenty Of Rest And Exercise.

There is ample evidence by now that getting enough sleep, exercise, and good nutrition profoundly affects both your mood and your effectiveness... just moderate exercise three times a week for 20 minutes does so much for the hippocampus and is more effective than anything else for warding off Alzheimer's and depression... yet it always falls of the list when you are prioritizing. 

While there are many things you can delegate, exercise is not one of them... if there were a way to do that...  I would have figured it out by now.

11. Breathe!

This one is so simple... If you breathe heavily... it saturates your brain with oxygen and makes you more awake and aware... it is very important in a tense situation because it will make you realize that you control your body, and not your unconscious mind... if you are not practising breathing... you should be.

12. Be Willing To Fake It.

No, you should not pretend to have qualifications or experience that you do not have... and if you have most of the skills you need and can likely figure out the rest... do not hang back. 

One company did a study to discover why fewer of its female employees were getting promotions than men... it turned out not to be so much a matter of bias as of confidence... if a man had about half the qualifications for a posted job he would be likely to apply for it... while a woman would be likelier to wait till she had most or all of them. 

Do not hold yourself back by assuming you need to have vast experience for a job or a piece of business before you go after it.

13.... Do Not Forget To Ask For Help...

Do not assume people know what you want... you have to figure out what that is... and then educate them.

Once people know what you want and that you want their help... you may be surprised at how forthcoming they are... most people are really flattered when you ask for advice and support... if someone says no you can always ask someone else. 

And in my experience... they rarely say no.

As always... leave a man or woman all the "better" for "knowing" you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely


Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... who works with men and women on line and real world who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own life and wealth!


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