Shameless vs. Shameful

By Ange Fonce

There are not many fundamental human emotions, and shame is certainly one of them.

Shame is usually caused by a collision between our behaviour and our culture. Society uses shame to enforce norms and set standards. When you are alone in the forest, there is not a lot of shame.

Too often, people with influence, politicians and others with money and power use shame as a cudgel, as a harsh tool to gain control. And it is usually directed at those least able to thrive in the face of this sort of onslaught.

I’m not sure we would want to live in a culture where shameful behaviour is completely accepted, where sociopaths and selfish short-term people abuse our trust.

At the same time, I think we need to be really clear about the difference between shameful behaviour and shaming a person.

Shaming a person is a senseless shortcut. When we say to someone...

“You are never going to amount to anything.”

When we act like we want to lock them up and throw away the key, when we conflate the behaviour with the human–we have hurt everyone. We have killed dreams, eliminated possibility and broken any chance for a connection.

The alternative is to be really clear about which behaviour crossed the line. To correct that behaviour at the very same time we open the door for our fellow citizen to become the sort of person we would like to engage with.

“How dare you,” is a fine way to establish that people like us do not do things like that. It is a norm-setting device, a clear indication that certain behaviours are not welcome and demand explanation.

As the media available to each of us turns just about every interaction into a worldwide, hyper-competitive conflict, there is way too much shameless posturing and division. 

If you want to “win” in social way, you are no longer trying to be the class clown among twenty high school students, you are racing to the bottom among a hundred million teenagers or candidates. Multiply that by every endeavour and you can see why there is so much shameless posturing.

Racing to the top is far preferable.

Because the problem with a race to the bottom is you might win.

Or come in second, which is even worse.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

Please comment below.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Prosperous and Dynamic day!
Yours Faithfully

Coach Ange

Qualified in Person Centred Counselling, Personal Development, Accountability, Assessment, Strategy Coaching and Psycho Sex Therapy and training in Advance Relationship Coaching.

Coach Dalia

Qualified in Accountability, Assessment, Strategy Coaching and training in Advanced Relationship Coaching and completing her ICF accreditation.

Ange and Dalia are Dynamic Personal Development Coach's who work with those men and women who want to personally and powerfully develop their confidence, relationships, sexing, health and wealth!

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