Your Personal Esteem And Confidence Of


By Ange Fonce

In this article I am continuing on from the previous two articles dealing with inner and outer game.

And if you have not read them... go check them out now as they lead into this article where I go into inner game as in the previous articles I went into detail on the components of outer game and I asked questions that would help you understand who you are when it comes to the technical pieces of attraction... influence and building social value with members of the opposite sex.

If you did not write down your answers yet to those questions in the first article... go find that article and do it now and then read the second article before proceeding with this one.

Here are the links...

It is okay... I will wait until you get that done...



You have written them down?

Okay that is good.

Today we are going to go deeper...  much deeper as we are going to look at Inner Game and you will have to excuse me as the language I use is going to be graphic in its nature!

Take A Deep Breath Because Here We Go

Stop for a moment.

Take a look at yourself.

A long hard look.

You are going to look for something very specific.

Something that is hard for you to see and easy for almost everyone else to see.

It is a Big Bag of Shit you carry around with you 24...7... 365 days a year and the odds are very high that you are carrying one around with you right now.

And every time you encounter a situation in which you can possibly get more shit to put in the bag... you grab it and greedily stuff it inside.

If you are like most people... you may even ignore all the diamonds glittering nearby because all you can see is the shit... this shit is composed of lies and the worst part about them is not that they are lies about ourselves and that we actually believe them.

Recognizing the shit you are carrying around... emptying the bag and then refusing to take any more shit will make your life a whole lot easier and happier... people around you will appreciate it as well... especially those you make friends with or even marry.

So let us get more specific...

You Have Been Brainwashed

Not intentionally per se... yet not necessarily for your benefit either.

It happened in your first seventeen or so years of life... your parents and other important figures in your early life had certain beliefs... expectations... flaws and methods of raising you and because you grew up with them and much of the architecture of your brain was literally built through your interactions with them... your childhood may have seemed completely normal at the time and it was not... because let us face it... no one is perfect and no one is normal... we are all uniquely flawed individuals.

And so certain beliefs were literally wired into your brain and these beliefs are completely false... yet unless you recognize them and actively intervene... they will get stronger each year as the nuro networks in your brain become more solid.

And nearly everyone is walking around with them... they are responsible for fights... failures... divorces... suicides... wars and a whole lot of insecurity and disappointment.

Here is an example...

Let us say that Mum or Dad or both rewarded you when you got good grades and punished you when you got bad grades as this was very important to them... seems fair enough... after all, they want you to go to a good college and be successful... it is in your best interest to get good grades... yet what is the collateral damage of this type of child rearing? 

It is that you will start to think that your self worth depends entirely on your accomplishments and performance... so the belief that it leads to will be...

I Am Not Enough As I Am 

And maybe even a corollary to that... 

“I need to achieve to be worthy of love.”

So in this particular instance here is one way this bag of shit operates... someone may criticize something you did and say you did it badly and that may be true and instead of hearing 

“You did that badly... you can do it better next time.” 

You hear... 

“I am bad... I am a bad person.” 

And because the comment will feel hurtful instead of honest and will trigger your own deep sense of shame... you will over react far out of proportion to the comment and that will strengthen the self sabotaging belief... you may even ignore all the compliments that people give you and all the good things that happen to you and focus only on the 1 in 100 times that something in the universe seems to reinforce this false belief.

Of course many other early experiences could lead to this same self sabotaging belief of... 

“I am not enough.” 

A parent abandoning you or the family when you were very young might lead you to believe that it was a personal rejection and this very big bag of shit could lead to you squandering your life trying to win the approval of others...typically of the same sex as the abandoning parent as an adult.

Now let us flip this around... let us say your parents were very protective of you. 

To them you were the greatest thing ever no matter what you did... if you got bad grades they marched right to that school and tried to get the teacher fired for being unfair to you.

What belief could this lead to?

I Can Do No Wrong

And a possible corollary... 

“Whatever happens is somebody elses fault.”

And so as an adult you may charge through life leaving a trail of blame in your wake... you are always the victim of someone else or something else and so if you slack off at work and get fired... the boss was a jerk... if you go out on a meet up and it does not work out the other person was a tool or a bitch or an asshole or not good enough for you.

Side Note... it is tragic to watch when an “I am not enough” person gets in a relationship with an “I can do no wrong” person... they both keep shoveling more shit into each others sack with the “I can do no wrong” person blaming everything on the “I am not enough” person... who keeps believing each accusation to be true until they plummet to a personal esteem pit so dangerously low that either they become a shell of who they once were or they finally wake up... get away and start therapy.

If you have not figured it out yet there are broadly speaking two types of shit that people are carrying around.

The first is negative and pessimistic beliefs about themselves... these include a whole array of limiting and false unconscious thoughts besides what has been discussed above such as...

“If people knew the real me... they would not like me.”

“I am not worthy of good things happening to me.”

“I am a bad person.”

“My opinion does not matter.”

In short... they are any belief that makes you feel inferior to others.

The second category is negative or...

Entitled Beliefs About Others

These include such subconscious thoughts as...

“No one is good enough for me.”

“I deserve special treatment and privileges.”

“I am surrounded by idiots.”

“The world would be a better place if... were not on it.”

In short they are any beliefs that make you feel superior to others.

It is worth noting that not every one of these beliefs is a direct internalization of a parental message... sometimes we will rebel against the message and adopt the opposite belief. 

For example... 

Parents may be so abusive that an adolescent thickens their skin and decides to become practically invulnerable... so nothing hurtful can get through... so instead of the belief being that “people I love will hurt me” it is covered up and subsumed by the belief that “no one can hurt me” and no matter what these exact beliefs may be... every one of them is clearly false because let us face it... we are all equal and we are all enough just as we are... even if we make mistakes or do bad things or we do good things and achieve massive success... it does not mean that we are any worse or better as a human being than anyone else.

The real tragedy of life is that people do not get to enjoy it because they continue to misinterpret situations and think they have found more evidence to support the false conclusions they formed in childhood.

We have just begun to open the door of what is possible with Inner Game and the handling of our limiting self sabotaging beliefs. 

I will be going deeper into inner game in the next article... keep a look out for it!

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving...  Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for any problems you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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