Your Inner Game Test For Relationship?

By Ange Fonce

Have you ever been with someone who seemed ideal in the beginning of your relationship and then later... sometimes much later... you realized were definitely not meant to be together?

Several years ago, I was in a long-term relationship with a woman I was convinced was my soul mate. I told anyone who would listen that she was “the one.” 

We laughed at the same jokes, listened to the same music and enjoyed the same movies. On paper, we were the perfect match.

Yet as time passed, I noticed some pretty serious incompatibilities in our personalities.

Whereas I was Type A and needed to hit the ground running in the morning, she preferred to ease into her day. That meant that, quite often, I found myself waiting impatiently. I swear the more impatient I became, the slower she moved.

In addition, I am more extrovert while she was a self-described introvert. I deferred to her. My resentments piled up. In the end, our fundamental incompatibilities eclipsed the awesomeness and we broke up.

I have long thought to myself...

“Would it not it be great if you could test your compatibility before wasting years or decades on a relationship that is probably doomed from the beginning?”

So, I made it my mission to discover how to evaluate compatibility before getting too invested in a relationship. I am not saying it will workout perfectly, and it is fun yet also serious to play with.

What Science says: 

Good Couples Are Made of This

I found that relationship experts at a major university used the acronym FACES to test a few components of compatibility.

They include:

Family Background... 

Our upbringing is a big indicator of how we will deal with relationships later on. 

Our families influence how we handle conflict, communication, and gender roles. While people should not be blamed for their family dynamics, they provide an important point for you to consider.


Attitudes include everything from how a person differentiates right from wrong to how much empathy a potential partner has. 

Pay attention to any red flags and do not let someone’s “best side” obscure their real side. 

For example, if a person is polite to their coworkers yet rude to waiters, servers, landscapers, and other people “below” them, then that is an indicator of their personality.

Compatibility Potential... 

This is where those likes and dislikes, goals and values and questions of extraversion vs. introversion come into play. 

Early on in a relationship, you may be inclined to overlook some pretty serious incompatibilities. Do not, I can tell you form hard experience these things are really importent. 

No matter how great the sexing is, no matter how attractive this person is, consider not throwing out your core values and personality traits just to suit them. 

For example...

If you cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke, do not date someone with a two-pack-a-day habit. Or, if you are committed to a life of freedom and adventure, do not date someone who immediately wants to settle down into a traditional lifestyle.

Examples of Previous Patterns... 

Your past does not always equal your future, yet it can be a good indicator. 

If your partner (or potential partner) tends to have nasty breakups or cannot main friendships it may be a big, bright red light. Proceed at your own risk.

Skills for Relationships 

Good communication skills and the way you handle conflict are an excellent indicator of how you will fare as a couple. 

Do you talk things out or tend to yell and/or throw things?

With those university-researched components in mind, I set about devising a questionnaire to determine compatibility with a potential partner. These questions also make for a great conversation topic as you are getting to know each other. They show that you are interested and curious in getting to really know someone and that you look beyond the superficial.

Qualification Test...

Are you relationship material?

Start by saying that entering into any relationship is not to be taken lightly. And you could say that you learned these questions from a friend who has studied relationships for a long time (true!)

“If I asked your past partners about your honesty and trustworthiness in the relationship, how would they answer?”

This question helps gauge a person’s integrity. Of course, if someone has a pattern of dishonesty, they may not answer this question truthfully. If possible, follow up with an ex or talk to their friends and that they are one and the same; the ability to maintain friendships with past lovers is a sign of integrity and maturity in relationships.

Let us be clear that this does not mean you go around interviewing anyone you can find from his or her past. And look for clues as you socialize with that person’s friends. 

Do people roll their eyes whenever their past relationships are mentioned? 

Do they refer to all their exes as “crazy”?

“What have you learned about yourself in the past five years?”

It has been said that a rut is just a grave with the ends kicked out. If one or both of you is not committed to working toward personal emotional growth, the relationship may be dead before it even begins.

“In what area of your life do you find you are the most irresponsible?”

Losing the car keys is one thing and not being able to keep a job or follow through on what you say you will do is quite another. 

This is a question to determine someone’s maturity and responsibility. Listen closely to the answer.

“What is your philosophy of life?”

You are looking for answers such as Thoreau’s “live the life you have imagined” and not “it sucks and then you die.” 

Positive people make better partners... always.

“What is your biggest sexing fantasy?”

The person with lowest libido in a relationship will determine the frequency of your sexing life. If it is not enough for you or you are just not into the same things, it may be best to cut your losses.

Sexing incompatibility is one of the main culprits behind both infidelity and breakups. Do not minimize sexing importance when screening potential mates. Plus it is a fun and interesting topic.

“Do I admire and appreciate this person?”

If you respect and appreciate someone and perhaps even strive to be more like them in some way, you are on the right track.

“Would I want to have children with this person?”

While you may not know the real answer to this for years, it is worth a moment of consideration. 

Depending on your circumstances, you just might. 

Would this person make a good co-parent? 

Even if you are not thinking about children in the near future, this is still a useful query to pose. Think ahead, and think what qualities you hope a parent would possess. Then, see how this person stacks up.

“Would I want a child who is like this person?”

Your kid just might be. Think about it.

“What if this person never changes?”

Gambling on someone’s potential is a sucker’s bet. If you can see yourself with this exact same person five, ten, twenty years down the road, there is a good chance she or he the one... or at least one of the ones.

How to Ask These Questions

It is imperative that you do not interrogate someone with these queries. 

This is not a prime-time interview with a candidate. You are not trying to “catch” this person.

Instead, you are seeking to get to know them. These are questions to stimulate a conversation, not play gotcha. You can pose all these at the same time, rapid-fire style and make a “Truth or Dare” game out of it.

Or ask in other ways: during a quiet moment together, maybe during a nice meal or a walk, ask one of these questions and truly listen to their response and let the conversation go from there. Simply because they answered does not mean you move on to the next topic. Be CURIOUS about them!

Also, be prepared to answer these questions yourself. Whether you are single or in a committed relationship of ten years, never ask a question that you are not prepared to handle yourself when they ask you. Share your background, thoughts, and philosophies honestly.

These questions will help you get to know this person and start off your relationship with some solid information. And you will never look back and think, “I should have known better,” again.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

Please comment below.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Prosperious and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Coach Ange Fonce

Ange is an Dynamic Personal Development Coach who works with those men and women who want to personally and powerfully develop their confidence, relationships, sexing, health and wealth!

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