Why You Attract Who You Attract And Fail?

By Ange Fonce

If you find you cannot hold a relationship together... maybe it is time for a serious look at yourself?

Mary tells me in a coaching session... 

"Steve is always criticizing me... how do I get him to stop?"

Fiona tells me in a Skype coaching session... 

"Jeff is often withdrawn... I feel so angry about this."

It is always easy to see what your partner is doing that you do not like... and it is generally very challenging to see your end of a dysfunctional relationship system... that your end of the system is equal to your partners end... as you attract people at your common level of “negativity”... or your common level of “positivity”... your common level of "intelligence"... or your common level of “health and self care”... your common level of "confidence"... and "self esteem."

The common level to which you are willing to “emotionally abandon”... yourself!
What Does This Mean... “Emotionally Abandon?”

This means that the degree to which you emotionally abandon yourself... by judging yourself... ignoring your feelings... turning to addictions and... or making others responsible for your feelings... is the same degree to which your partner is emotionally abandoning himself or herself... to you.

The minute Mary tells me about Steve criticizing her... I know that Mary is likely criticizing herself and may also be giving herself up to him to try to have control over getting his approval... each is controlling in their own way... and Mary is aware only of how Steve is trying to control her.

When Fiona tells me about Jeff's withdrawal... she is also telling me about her anger... the two sides of their dysfunctional relationship system.

The problem is that Mary and Steve... Fiona and Jeff all got together wanting to get love... rather than knowing how to love themselves and share their love... do you really want to continue to do this in your life?

Attracting At Your Common Level Of Emotional Health...

Attracting at your common level of "emotional health" means that you have done the inner work necessary to heal your feelings of shame and insecurity... it means that you know how to fill yourself with love and share your love with others... it means that you have stopped abandoning yourself and have learned how to love yourself... which means that you take responsibility for your own feelings... rather than avoiding your feelings... or making another responsible for them.

When you learn to value yourself and take responsibility for your feelings... you are no longer attracted to someone who emotionally abandons themselves... you are drawn to people who also value themselves and want to share love rather than get love... so you will no longer end up with someone who blames... withdraws... judges or sees them self as a victim... you will just not find this person attractive... as they are not at your common level of emotional health.

The Frequency Of Attraction...

The law of attraction states that "like attracts like"... this means that people with a low frequency... people who are “insecure” and "self abandoning"... attract each other... while people with a high frequency... people who "love" and "value" themselves... also attract each other... people who are positive... open... secure... giving... caring and kind to themselves and others are not attracted to people who are closed... negative... and needy of “approval and attention.”

While no one deliberately seeks out someone who is closed... negative and needy... if this is you... this is what you will attract into your life... if you want a loving relationship... then you need to do the work of learning how to take emotional responsibility.

This Means...

Learning to be present in your body rather than stuck in your mind avoiding your feelings... being open to learning about what your feelings are telling you rather than protecting against them with various addictions and self judgements.

Learning to access your own source of love... rather than expecting someone else to fill you with love.

Learning to take loving action on your own behalf rather than expecting others to do this for you... if you are seeking a relationship... why not start today learning how to love yourself rather than continue to “abandon” yourself?

If you are a in a relationship that is having problems... the most important thing you can do to help the relationship is learn how to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself to “circumstances”... and “expect” others to do it for you!

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Recommended Reading...

5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Intimate Relationship 

By Ange Fonce

All relationships have problems... and all relationships require work to keep them healthy... in this article I share some of the most common concerns that can sabotage your “intimate relationship"... along with some successful strategies that can improve the “loving health” of your relationship.

1... Technology...

Even though technology helps in keeping you connected in your relationships... it can also drive you apart.... ...

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 

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