When He Pulls Away Do Not Do This

By Ange Fonce

I wanted to start this article with an email I recieved from a long term reader and for you to see her question...

Hi Ange.

I have many of your articles about mistakes in relationships and I have to admit I cried. You are totally right! 


Because I recently started spending a lot of time with a guy I used to know. We had an instant connection and he was exactly as you said: affectionate at first, initiating plans etc, then I made not one mistake but ALL of those you mentioned in your email, and as you said.... he pulled away big time.

The attraction's gone for him now. What I want to know is, is there any way I can reverse the damage I have caused? Can I get my friendship with him back on track? Is it possible he may learn to feel again what he once felt for me? Please help. I'm at my wits end and I really do miss having him in my life. I would be grateful for any advice you could give me on this matter.

Thanks, N.W.

And here is my response...

Okay. Let me get right to the point here about what you need to do...

First off, as you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you have been making, it is very easy to start thinking that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they were, and for that to freak you out.

And do not let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow.

There is a funny thing that happens to us in life and I can talk from personal experience.

It is that any time you develop a new AWARENESS and you start seeing your behavior and interactions in a new light... at first you often feel like kicking yourself. Yet getting down on yourself, and feeling overly frustrated and hopeless, does not help. We all have barriers to break through to the next level.

Here is the reality if you have recognized that you have been making some of the mistakes I talk about...

It Is Never Too Late

Here is why...

The man you were dating liked you and was attracted to you for some reason. And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there is something you should realize...

A man's FEELINGS can CHANGE VERY QUICKLY, whether you want them to or not. And you know this from past experience.

Now... most women do not handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all. In fact, lots of women let this completely freak them out and take over their emotions and how they act and talk.

What is behind all this is FEAR:

Fear of loss

Fear of rejection

Fear of abandonment

Fear of not being loved, or not being good enough to be loved

And lots of women let these fears take over and run the show as their emotions get the best of them.

Of course, I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions, and "Wham!"... the man in your life who you have been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.

And here is the thing:

The fact that a man's feelings can change so quickly has TWO SIDES to it.

See, if a man's feelings can quickly change from feeling interested and attracted to a woman, to feeling that "ewwwww" feeling where he wants to get away from her... It is also true that a man can quickly change from feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested... to feeling intensely ATTRACTED and wanting to spend time with you again. In other words, men's feelings and their reactions and responses to a woman can change quickly in EITHER DIRECTION - from good to bad, or from bad to good.

Creating The Shift For Him To Come Toward You Again

Of course, I am not just telling you this because it sounds like it makes sense.

I KNOW all this firsthand, and have watched and experienced it during the YEARS I have invested observing, studying, and coaching women with men, love, and relationships and visa versa. I can say that I have helped many women create what I will call instant "shifts" in their lives and relationships... and do this with men they thought they had driven away for good.

The point is, you can either let the fact that a man's feelings can change as a result of your behavior SCARE you and make you ANXIOUS and INSECURE (which will only make things worse for you)


You can see that the fact that his feelings can quickly change, can work to your advantage... and you can use this fact to have a man very quickly go from NOT FEELING IT for you... to feeling that gut-level ATTRACTION for you in a few short moments and interactions. I have literally seen men go from feeling like they had to get away from a woman they were dating and telling all their friends that it was over...

To suddenly remembering why it was that he was interested and attracted to her in the first place, and then start calling, making plans, and thinking about her all the time.

I will even have to admit that I have done this myself in the past.

Now, here is what to do with all this...

Becoming more AWARE of what is going on with men, dating, and relationships is just the first step.

Being able to simply IDENTIFY the PROBLEMS that are causing a man to suddenly lose interest is the battle most women struggle endlessly with and are NEVER able to understand.

So... it is great when you start to really become CONSCIOUS of your own thinking, feelings, and behavior, and how they affect the man in your life.

And all the self-awareness in the world is not going to teach you and show you exactly what it is that you need to START DOING to go from pushing a man away to making him feel an INTENSE level of ATTRACTION when he's around you.

Finding out the problem is just half the answer that teaches you about what it is that you need to stop doing. But you've still got to put the puzzle pieces together on what to START DOING.

Let Me Give You A Quick Pointer

STOP TALKING to the man in your life about the mistakes you have made... or about what is happening in your relationship.

And stop it RIGHT NOW!

Let me ask you...

What are men seeking more than anything in a woman?

Well, when it comes to a man finding a woman he wants to be with and STAY with... men are looking for a woman who is FUN, SEXY and for the Supriour Man CONFIDENT and INTELLIGENT  - and most important in terms of building a lasting long term relationship - EASY TO BE WITH.

This might sound too simple to be something that could change your life and relationship...

Yet the reality is that most women who are having problems with men losing interest in them because of their behavior are completely misunderstanding what is going on inside a man's mind.

Getting In Your Own Way

When a woman feels hurt, scared, or uncertain with a man, often times she will act out on her feelings in indirect ways to try and get the man to see what she is feeling and relate to her and start talking about it.

She wants for a man to recognize and pay attention to her feelings... and to UNDERSTAND her.

Yet this is NOT how men react and respond when it comes to pain, fear, and uncertainty. Men seek to avoid or break through all these things... and their minds are constantly working to figure out how to get rid of these things all together. Of course, love and life and relationships do not work this way. And it does not keep men from trying, or from wanting the world around them to work this way.

Point being, when a woman shows up and acts overly emotional, upset, insecure... and does things that are UNATTRACTIVE to a man, it is bad enough. And then when a woman sees the damage that her behavior has done to her relationship with a man... and she starts to FEEL BAD about that too... things quickly go from bad to worse.

Each time she calls a man and he hears her voice, he instantly knows she's still in that place of fear, worry, and emotional uncertainty. And this will keep pushing the man further and further away.

Taking A Different Approach

The answer is not to try and talk through all your uncertain feelings with a man - if your goal is to connect with him and keep building his interest and attraction for you. The answer is to do the things that create attraction in HIM.

Translation: stop talking and thinking about the PROBLEMS you are feeling between you... and start being the woman a man naturally feels excited and joyful with when he is around. THEN, when you are in a close and connected place, talking to a man and getting him to share and understand - and even initiate conversations about your feelings and your relationship - will be easier than you ever thought possible.

So stop doing the things that you are learning PUSH MEN AWAY... and START doing the things that tons of other women have learned naturally build more interest and ATTRACTION inside a man.

Now, for lots of women it can be a long and frustrating process trying to figure out what it is that makes a man experience that magic FEELING of ATTRACTION... and to feel it so strongly that he literally cannot keep himself from wanting to be with you.

Some women spend their entire lives doing all the WRONG THINGS with the RIGHT MEN in their relationships...only to finally figure out too late all the things they were doing pretty much guaranteed that a man would stop feeling attraction for them as time went on.

And some women, even after they have "done the work" and gotten rid of all the negative patterns in their life that kept them from drawing a man to them for lasting love, still cannot clue into the "hard-to-identify" and simple things that make a man keep "feeling it" for them.

A man needs a woman to trigger something inside him that goes much deeper than the common physical attraction that men can and do experience for many women... if he is going to feel and know that THIS woman is not just any woman, the ONE WOMAN he wants to be with.

And by the way, if you are making common mistakes with a man such as:

Trying to convince him to like you, want you, or to stay with you... and losing your composure when you see any sign of him losing interest in you. Calling him too much and trying to be the one to make plans and make sure that you spend time together and see each other. Becoming upset with him when he does not call, then not knowing how to get your feelings out and communicate with him without creating an even worse situation for yourself

Then here's the thing... You have probably been doing these kinds of things for a while in your life... and not just with this one man in particular.

If you find yourself losing your composure too often, letting your emotions take over and regretting it too often after the fact, and you are starting to recognize that not all of what you're doing and choosing to do with a man is totally CONSCIOUS... then you need to take the time and the steps to take care of what is going on INSIDE YOU first.

Do not let what you are not aware of about yourself (and could get handled) keep you from the love and the relationship you want. Once you take care of what's happening inside you on an emotional, spiritual, and psychological level, a lot of the things on your outside that a man sees and experiences will start to take care of themselves.

And you will start to magnetically ATTRACT a man and create the right situations and the right relationship from the inside out.

If you are ready for love... and you want to clear up some of the hang-ups, fears, and emotional patterns that are holding you back and pushing the right men away... then please contact me and we can arrange for a free session.

I would love to hear from you.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Caring, Prosperious and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Ange is a Dynamic Personal Development, Strategy and Assesment Coach who works with those alternative men and women who want to develop their confidence, influence, relationships, health and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a free consultation CLICK HERE

"Dynamic Lifers take a journey to grow and discover the true nature of themselves!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe and if you want to share with a friend a writing please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via email by directly joining The Tribe. I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them. And as ever always leave a man or a woman and Nature all the better for knowing you!