What Is Your Style For Building A Solid Relationship? 

To Be Alike... Opposites Attract Or The Lucky Dip Bag Approach?

By Ange Fonce

I have talked about before “how” you and a prospective long term partner are “best” to be ALIKE.

And you will also remember that I introduced the idea that a man and a woman... if TRULY compatible... will also be “alike” AND “different.”

So then... in what ways would your ideal companion be OPPOSITE from you?

Well... considering how unique human beings tend to be the only way I know how to “objectively” describe that to you is by sharing some of the “real world” ways. 

For example... 

If you find us seated next to each other on a 14 hour flight... I will either be working on my next project or writing future articles or possible reading a book that benefits me.

You might be doing Sudoku puzzles.

I would rather watch paint dry than do Sudoku puzzles.

Then again... you could be happy doing the accounts and tax for the year... which would be a great source of joy to me... REALLY I would “adore” you for that... I can even see WHY you would enjoy doing the accounts and taxes... they are sort of like Sudoku puzzles... only with an actual sense of “accomplishment” as a result of completing them... nice.

Meanwhile... I am the one who always seems to get us to places like The Galapagos Islands instead of just watching footage of Blue Footed Boobies on the Travel Channel.... that is because I am the “creative ideas" and "action” type and you could be the “pragmatic” one around here... as fortune would have it... there is a solid place in a “good relationship” for BOTH of those areas of specialization.

Similarly... when it comes to money you could be an excellent saver whereas I am the one encouraging us to spend a little here and there and “live a little.”... that makes for a “nice balance”... I tend to be the one who does not “procrastinate”... you maybe tend to keep the bills and finances in order better than I do... you could be excellent at “caring” for people... I am good at building their "personal confidence"... strengthening their “esteem” and getting things done.

When we travel.... you could be the one who figures out the details on “how” to get from the airport to our hotel... and when our flight actually lands and we pick up our luggage and I am the one who negotiates with the cab driver because I am the “talker” and “doer” in the “partnership.”

And together...what do you “know”... our “partnership” our “relationship life” runs like a well oiled machine... at least most of the time.

That is because when it comes to MECHANICS or “logistics” or ”operations” if you prefer... we would have a “complimentary mix” of COMPLETELY OPPOSITE interests in that regard. 

At this point... allow me to show you the other side of the coin so you can fully grasp the gravity of what I am telling you here... in your past... have you ever met a man or a woman who you were so turned on by it was almost ridiculous... and you COULD NOT STAND the person?

I “think” you “know” what I am talking about.

It was not that you “hated” the man or the woman... in fact... he or she intrigued you no end... it is just that they DROVE YOU NUTS with the stuff they did... the things they would say or the way they butted heads with you... off the top of my head I can think of two women from my own past who fit that description to a tee... Jenny and Dawn.

Both were exceptionally cute…at least to me... and simply being around either one of them was the most taxing “experience” imaginable otherwise... thankfully... although I knew both women during my earlier years I did not ever have to deal with them at the same time... otherwise I may have completely lost my “mind.”

I remember Jenny and I had to work side by side all summer long one year on an art project... if I made any “suggestion” on “how” to get something done... she would always disagree and  she wanted it done her way…which usually ended up in a big mess that I would end up having to sort out... and this woman who although “adorable cute”... and talented... drove me crazy.

Finally... one of our female friends had observed us long enough and called out what was obvious to everyone except Jenny and I... 

“You know what is hilarious about you two...  you are EXACTLY ALIKE.“

Indeed.

And similarly... I remember one summer when I was courting Dawn and complaining to my Mother about how this woman was driving me STARK RAVING CRAZY… yet I just could not get enough of her... the “chemistry” between us was so intense. 

In a manner as dry as the Sahara Desert... my Father responded with... 

“Yeah...well…you will probably marry her.”

Thankfully I did not... I shiver to “think” what it would been like if I had!

Out of the two women it was Dawn who come closest to driving me completely nuts as the "chemistry" between us was "intensely hot!"

She did everything completely opposite to me... as endearing and entertaining as it must have been to others to watch my interactions with those women... being driven crazy all the time is no way to live life... and it is no fun! 

When it comes to finding a great partner... it really is best to be with someone who wants to cover the things you DO NOT WANT TO... and vice versa... otherwise... you are likely to live the nightmare of an ongoing and completely fulfilling power struggle... what you really want is the “perfect storm” as opposed to a “stormy relationship”... see what I mean?

And yes…you absolutely... “positively” can still feel “amazing sexual attraction” between you both... and you can both get along with each other. 

Enough already... I “think” you get the point... so then... it is “important” to acknowledge some of the areas that have NOT come up in this discussion so far... for example... 

Physical attraction has been completely left out of the mix on purpose here... having seen as many couples who look like brother and sister as who look dramatically different from one another... I “know” it is reasonable to conclude that personal tastes... biology... pheromones and whatever else you care to throw into the potion all conspire to cause “physical attraction” between two people.

Whether couples who get along fine look alike or different from one another appears to be of little consequence ultimately.

On the other hand... it is safe to say that what comprises “masculinity” will always be “attracted” to whatever it is that “femininity” is composed of and vice versa… as I have discussed at great length in other articles.

More “masculine men” will favour more “feminine women”... meanwhile ”centrists” in this regard somehow always end up together also... do they not... although I cringe to think what their “sexing” life is like…if you can even actually refer to it as such.

And what of the age old idea of “common interests” that we seem to cling to as a “sacred cow” in the “courting” and “relationship” world?

Here is the deal... if you and your main squeeze share some favourite foods... pastimes and music…great... and if not... introduce each other to some “new” and cool things and enrich each others lives in the process... either way life can good when you “work” on “investing” in your “relationship” together.

In fact... you might be shocked by how LITTLE that “common interests” have to do with overall “compatibility”... and make no mistake... it is “all important” to make sure that someone you are “choosing” to be in a ”long term relationship” together  with shares your “core value system”... PHILOSOPHICALLY while “completing you” in PRACTICAL ways.

Which leads me into another area of the “male female relationship” debate....



How Men and Women Communicate Differently In Relationships...

When it comes to “communication”... for most  men and women we seem like enigmas to one another... it has taken me years of “learning” and “understanding” the difference between how men and women “communicate.” 

For men... “communication” is all about the exchanging of “information... figures” and “facts” and the “practical” things in life. 

For women... “communication” centers around the ways to “connect” with and “improve” upon their “relationship” with the other person. 

Since these two have completely “different reasons” for “communicating”... no wonder it becomes so “frustrating” and how “contentious” it can get...  if neither do not “understand” how men and women "communicate" differently! 

So... to “help” both the genders have “smooth conversations”... given below is some useful information I have put together... which will help you “understand” each others point of view.

Womens Communication Style...

If you look at the “communication” between men and women in “relationships”... you will find that they are worlds apart... women in general... are very comfortable in “expressing” how they “feel”... and they do not “feel” the need to hide their “emotions” or “vulnerabilities”... if you truly want to “understand” how men and women “think” differently... simply think of an “emotional” conversation you had with your partner. 

Usually... when women say that they are “feeling” lonely or too “sensitive” or “sad”... they simply want their partners to “acknowledge” how they “feel.” 

Men however... “feel” that they are being “criticized” or held “responsible” for what the woman is “feeling”... in most cases... men will offer the woman a “solution” to “how” not to “feel” that way... this enrages the woman no end as she "feels" that her partner is not “empathizing” enough... and this is a BIG mistake I see so many men make with women... and it not although the man is being deliberately uncaring... in fact... it is the opposite... it is the way men “think practically”... and he “feels” he is being “helpful” and it is showing his way of being “caring.”

Mens Communication Style...

Now... let us see "how" us men “communicate” in “relationships” and “how” women react to it. 

All through our lives... us men have been taught to be “strong”... never shed a tear or show that we are “incapable”... so whenever we are faced with a “problem”...  we tend withdraw to “focus” on the “problem” and “solve” it. 

We like to “think” over our “problems” in solitude and to find “solutions” to them... or we may go and ask another man for help. 

Now this is where women make their BIG mistake. 

Women like to THINK they are very good at “mind reading”... and when they “feel” that something is bothering their man... they make efforts to find it out... if it is a “problem” in the “relationship”... so they try to “question” the man and reach out... and the man will reply there is nothing wrong with the “relationship”... which for the majority of the “time” will be “true”... there is a “practical problem” he is “focused” on and trying to figure out. 

Yet women will “convince” themselves there is a “problem” with the “relationship” and start making ASSUMPTIONS that something is wrong... and the more the woman starts to “pressurize” the man... the more the man withdraws and “feels” irritated. 

Ultimately it ends with the woman “feeling” uncared for and unloved and the man “feeling angry” being “accused” of something "wrong" in the "relationship"... he is not even “thinking” about... and a BIG fight ensues.

The Solution...

Both these scenarios show “how” men and women are different! 

So, in order to avoid “relationship issues” and “conflicts”... both men and women need to “learn” to “understand” and “improve” upon their “communication style”... women would be “better” to “learn” not to take it “personally” when men do not “communicate” their “problems” with them. 

Men on their part... instead of giving “solutions”... should learn “how” to “listen” more and “empathize” with their partner.



How Men and Women Communicate Differently In The Workplace...

Womens Communication Style...

Women at workplace are proponents of “equality”... they display the same “caring” and “sensitive attitude” to fellow employees or subordinates... as they do to people they know personally... this workplace “communication style” may however be seen as a sign of “low confidence” by the men in workplace. 

Also... while arriving at a “decision” or while “negotiating”... women ensure that every bodies “aware” of the situation... they may seek opinions of others more than men in positions of “authority” would... this however may make the men “think” that the woman is incapable of taking decisions herself... which is not “true.”

Mens Communication Style...

Men and womens “communication styles” vary a lot in the workplace too... most men do not like to ask a lot of questions at the workplace as they “feel” that doing so is a sign of weakness... they want “decisive” decisions to take “action” upon. 

Men also indulge in a lot of teasing... joking... pulling each others legs as making fun of one another is their way of “relaxing” and taking their “mind” off work for a while! 

This behaviour may not be taken too kindly by women who tend to  find it very immature! 

Lastly men... “true” to their nature of not speaking much... also tend to do give much feedback... whether positive or negative! 

So if there are women working under them... they might “feel” that they are not being “appreciated” enough.

The Solution...

For overcoming “communication difference” in the workplace... both men and women need to stop making “assumptions” and “judging” each other... instead of finding faults with each others “business communication styles”... they would be “better” to see how a “particular behaviour” and way of “communicating” is helpful or not helpful in “achieving” the organizational goals. 

Men are to  become more “forthcoming” while “receiving” and “giving feedback” while women are to  be more “assertive” and not depend too much on others opinions... while “decision” making.

So in summery of what makes the best kind of relationship?

What you normally hear on this subject is a lot of locus locus about giving and taking and compromise... this is so “abstract” that it is not “actionable” or “definable” for most men and women... the truth is... it is not complicated... when you “invest” in “learning” the “difference” in the “communication styles” of men and women.

A "great relationship" equals treating him or her in the way you like to be treated and they in turn treating you in the way you like to be treated. 

In simpler terms you have to keep in “mind” these “action” items...
  
  • How he...she likes to be treated.
  • How you like to be treated.
  • How you treat them.
  • How they treat you
  • Shared Values
  • Common Goals
  • Sexual compatibility

And the most “important” one...  being “authentic” as you from the beginning you first meet him or her... and your “standards” and “boundaries” appropriately on both sides... and “treat” each other in a way that meets those “standards” and you are good to go.
 
And practically speaking... that completes this conversation with you.
 
As always... leave a man or woman all the "better" for "knowing" you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely


Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own life and wealth!

To CONTACT Ange CLICK HERE



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