What I Learned from 30 Years of Relationship Coaching 

By Ange Fonce

Have you heard the term... attractive self-expression. 

By learning how to express who you are, the way you want, in any situation, you can alter the course of any relationship for the better.

And there are 50+ years of university studies to back it up.

You can learn a lot in 50 years. 

You can learn a lot about yourself and your partner.  

You can learn even more by studying other people, finding their patterns, and understanding which patterns you fit into.

They have come up with a lot of findings, and there are many factors that affect relationships. And one of the biggest may surprise you.

So here is the surprising news:

A major factor of staying in a long-term relationship is deeply connected to one of the same factors that helps you find a relationship in the first place:

Being Interesting.  And it is probably not what you think.

In this artical I am going to share two of the major factors in “being interesting” that were revealed to have a huge impact on relationships AND that allow you to build new relationships quickly.

The First One Is Humor.

Funny people spark people’s interest. And research proves it.

Research also proves that a sense of humor can have a very positive effect on your long-term relationships. Yet you do not need to go overboard. 

It is not about how funny you are... it is actually connected to stress reduction. And if you use humor to diffuse stressful situations, your relationships will be happier and last longer. It is important to remember that meeting a new person is a stressful situation. People tend to feel nervous when a stranger approaches.

Starting a conversation is all about developing comfort. So how do you develop a comfortable start as a complete stranger?

One of the absolutely best ways is to use humor. Humor is the ultimate stress diffuser. 

It is the ideal way to get past people’s initial stress response when meeting someone new.

Sounds easy, yet what if it is hard for me to be funny or if I am nervous when I meet new people?

Yet first, the next important relationship factor...


Yes, having fun. You probably knew this already, and it just makes sense in a relationship. The person you have the most fun with is going to be the person you want to spend the most time with. This makes your relationships much more likely to last.

Fun increases quality communication, helps define relationship roles, and increases relationship satisfaction in general.

Yet do you remember to focus on having fun when you meet someone new?

If not, this may be the reason your dates are not working out.

Fun gives conversations and interactions with new acquaintances that instant surprise and connection that you need to move to the next step. People go out to have fun, so if you are not fun to talk to, they are quickly moving on.

In short, you have to bring the fun.

Fun is easy with friends, but how do you have fun with strangers?

The easy answer is you need a routine.

You need some fun things to say and demonstrate. You need stories that emotionally affect people. When meeting someone new, you have to have a quick way to show that you are different from everyone else in the room. This is especially true if you are attracted to them.

You are humorous. You are fun. You are interesting. And not just interesting...

You are the most interesting person in the room.

The beauty is that no matter whether your goal is a short term or long term relationship, one of the key factors in achieving both is this skill.

In other words, if you want to be attractive to anyone in any relationship status, this is the exact thing you need to learn.

People go out to have fun, not to talk to be bored by interview questions or the same old responses for the same old conversations.

So far I have mentioned to you about what it means to be interesting and how it can affect your social life, and I left the most important part out. And I am going to share it here...

Now I have mentioned two of the major factors in long lasting relationships are:

Humor and the ability to create fun interactions. Not surprisingly, these are also two of the major factors in landing first dates. That is because they’re two of the major factors in just being interesting.  

If you are not interesting, you do not stand a chance. Not in dating, not in networking, not in the job market.

And let us be honest... Most of us feel that we are not that interesting. At least, that is what we have been trained to believe. The fact is, this is completely wrong. Being interesting is not about the facts of your life. Your life is a story, not history.

That is where most people get it wrong.

You can tell a stranger facts about your life and watch as their eyes roll back into their head and they fall into a coma of utter boredom. Or you can tell them a well put together story that will have them laughing, get them excited, or have them completely engaged.

Being interesting is not just in the facts (yes, some facts are more interesting than others, and that is another lesson. Being interesting is about how you weave those facts into a story or perspective.

It is all in the delivery. 

And this is a skill that anyone, even the least interesting of you, can learn. In fact, there are very straightforward rules that you have to follow. Once you learn them, you can be interesting in any situation. 

In fact, if you do them right (which hardly anyone else knows how to do) you will be able to be the Most Interesting Person In the Room wherever you go.

Here is why that is so important…

Remember that I told you there is an even more important factor in long-term relationships?

500 research studies determined that this one factor is a major determiner of how long your relationship lasts, AND how happy you are in it. In fact, out of those 500 studies this was the only factor they could find that was a part of all happy long-term relationships. 

So pay attention…

Here is what the researchers found: The biggest predictor of a happy long term relationship was “love blindness”.

What Is “Love Blindness?”

Your ability to idealize your partner. This means seeing your partner as attractive, helpful, brilliant, and thoughtful. It is seeing your partner as "a catch”.

This is easy in the beginning of most relationships.  When you first fall in love, your mind interprets everything about your partner and everything they do as flawless and extraordinary. The longer you can maintain positive illusions about each other, the longer your relationship will last and that happier it will be.

Now this might sound strange...

It seems like I have just told you that to have a healthy long-term relationship, you need to lie to yourself about your partner by creating “illusions”.

Not exactly... It is actually all about perspective. What is the story you tell about your relationship? 

Tell a boring, complicated, frustrating; depressing story, and your relationship will be extra miserable. And probably short-lived. Tell an interesting, humorous, adventurous, magical story about your relationship, and keep telling it no matter what, and you stand a much better chance of life long happiness and fulfillment.

Of course there are a lot of Inner Game elements at work here... We become the stories we tell ourselves about our Self (which are often created by old beliefs that formed when we were young).

And remember what I said about the storytelling earlier?

The difference between a person’s life story being terribly boring or fascinatingly interesting is all in the presentation. The same facts can be told in completely different ways with utterly different results with a simple change of perspective and presentation.

This is how you can become instantly interesting. 

Not just interesting... The most interesting person in the room.

Do not be a press release. Be a Hollywood romance. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Caring, Prosperious and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Ange is a Dynamic Personal Development, Strategy and Assesment Coach who works with those men and women who want to develop their confidence, influence, relationships, health and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a free consultation CLICK HERE

"Dynamic Lifers take a journey to grow and discover the true nature of themselves!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe and if you want to share with a friend a writing please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via email by directly joining The Tribe. I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them. And as ever always leave a man or a woman and Nature all the better for knowing you!