What Connects Cheating In Relationships
And The Killer Of Personal Development? 

By Ange Fonce

Have you any idea?

Any thoughts on the subject?

Let me start by asking you a couple of questions?

First... how would you respond if you become aware that your partner was having an affair?

Second... How would you deal with this information?

Different men and women respond to a partners affair in different ways... depending on their personal values... education and knowledge. 

Some men and women may respond by immediately leaving the relationship without looking back... some men and women may want to work through adversity together and seeing if they can make it through as a stronger couple... some men and and a lot of women think that the family is paramount... especially when children are involved... and want to work things out for the sake of the family staying together... and so on.

No matter the personal value systems at play... a relationship can survive an affair only if both partners actively want it to... if only one partner is interested in fighting for the relationship... it will be a frustrating uphill battle that can have compounding negative effects... such as lowered personal esteem and confidence.

Affairs have several components to them. 

There is the emotional impact... e.g... hurt... betrayal... anger... etc... of the affair. 

There is figuring out what led to the affair in the first place... behaviour and psychologically for both partners... and as part of this component... there is acknowledging the state of the current relationship... such as... 

What was missing or happening in the current relationship for the one who cheated? 

What was the role of the other partner?

What was the personal psycho emotional state of the one acting out by having the affair... e.g... what was going on inside that enabled this behaviour?

Basically there is the experience and state of each partner and there is the experience and state of the relationship as a whole... which all need to be considered in recovering from an affair... so after the affair has been revealed and the emotional dust has had some time to settle... the first question to answer will be if each partner is interested in working to repair the damage caused to the relationship... of course for both partners this question is not usually an easy one to answer... there are many things to consider before deciding which direction you want to see the relationship go. 

Here is a list of questions to help figure out the next step...

How willing am I to work through the process of repairing the relationship?

Where do I draw the line? This is about setting personal boundaries.

What am I fighting for if I stay... and what will be impacted if I leave? Emotionally and actively... this can take the form of a pros and cons list. 

Which process am I more willing to take on? Are you both working to move forward together or ending the relationship and dealing with all that comes with this?

How will I feel later if I decide to leave without trying to repair the relationship first?

What do I generally want to see happen?

Being able to answer the questions above can help each partner understand the implications the decision will have.

Couples and individual therapy for each partner is encouraged as part of the relationship healing process... it is necessary to understand what in the "relationship dynamic" led to the affair in the first place... in order to prevent a recurrence.... however... both partners have room to benefit from individual therapy... not just the one who engaged the affair... the hurt partner could use support to sort out emotions and learn their own role in relationship troubles... also the hurt partner at times can develop urges to act out in response to the affair... possibly by engaging in an affair of their own as revenge... or other forms of revenge... including even consideration of physical harm to their partner. 

So the triad of couples and both individuals in therapy is heavily encouraged for a relationship to make a healthy recovery from an affair... and the answer is... yes... a relationship can survive an affair. 

The real question is... how much do both partners want it to?

Any idea yet to what the link is between "cheating" in a personal relationship and the "killer" of your personal development?

I will tell you..

“I Don’t Know Enough...”

Everybody starts here... every successful person you admire... every big name celebrity... every life hero started where you are right now.

“I don’t know enough yet.”

"I don’t know enough about courting." 

"I don't know enough about relationships." 

If you did... why is your partner cheating?

Or building a social life. 

Or sex. 

Or you cannot figure out how to meet people outside of Facebook. 

Or you cannot face opening a business. 

Or making any of your ideas come TRUE.

It feels like there are a million moving pieces... and you have to learn everything about all of them before you can move forward with your life or career or relationships.

Real people who personally develop themselves know that is a lie... it is not that you do not need to know about how to build a great relationships... both personal and social... and good communication skills... you do need some effective tools in your life toolbox... otherwise your life is not going to go very far... and you will end up frustrated and alone... which is no fun for anyone... and yes I do advise investing in yourself in every way... because it is inexpensive in the long run and the personal rewards are great because it works.... and because most people can do it really well... this is one area of life that all most any one can.

Learning The Art Of “Just Enough...”

You could go out and get a PhD in anything... and you still would not be an expert... you are never going to learn everything... you are never going to master everything... yet there is one thing you can be the Master of... and that is YOURSELF!

And every successful person who has booked themselves solid... knows the art of "knowing just enough”... like almost everything else in life... you will get most of your results from just a few key techniques... learn those... practice them reasonably well... and you are off and running.

Can you spend the rest of your life refining yourself... can you add refinement after refinement to keep growing beyond your original goals?

Sure you can... lots of men and women do... yet you have to get moving first.

You need a map

I realized while writing my first book that I possess a ton of information and knowledge... and that is not counting the Q & A sessions and the recordings of the live workshops... it could be really intimidating to know where to start for some one new to personal and relationship development

So I created a "HOW TO" foundation system... I created a simple short overviews of the essentials of a powerful content plan... this is how Dynamic Life Development Systems is built and evolves all the time when you work with the system... by taking complex information... methods and techniques and making them simple... "Just Enough!" 

Tips... methods... techniques... the kind you might think you could never do... they are designed to be built on... one step at a time. 

If you never get moving... you will definitely never get there to where you want to be

And if you are not a Dynamic Lifer... here is a quick and simple technique where you can sketch out your own goal map right now

Get an envelope and turn it over... if your goal plan will not fit on the back of an envelope... it is going to be too complicated to put into place.

Write two words... Life and Goals

Those are your first two building blocks.

Then take the lessons from one of your Greatest Successes in life. 

Write down "How" you achieved that.

Under "Goals" write down one goal you really want to achieve and "how" you are going to make that goal happen.

Stick the envelope to a bulletin board or some place you can see it every day.

As you invest in your personal development and education... add blocks to the back of your envelope of what you have to learn to acquire your goal... you will need to get your whole plan on there other wise it will be to complex. 

Keep it simple... "Just Enough."

Who do you need to learn from? 

What do you want from achieving this goal? 

How will you grow to be better?

And also set yourself a "prize" as a reward for when you acquire your goal.

Start small... start simple... something you can achieve within your present means... if you can take this as your mantra for the coming time ahead... you are going to make a lot more progress than you did in the past.

Do more of what works. 

Do less of what does not work.

That might seem almost insultingly simple... yet "keep it simple" will keep you moving forward.

Do you need some help with that?

Not everyone in this world was made to go it alone... I was not... I like to have the support of positive partners... colleagues... mentors and friends... if it was just me I truly think I would have quit a long time ago.

Add one idea a month to the back of new envelope... to learn "just enough" to get moving... then keep adding one idea at a time to make your life a little better.

You can do this... you are smart and you have got the desire... you just need a little focus and education on the "how" to part... and an Expert to help you over the rough spots.

Stop letting “not knowing enough” be your excuse for not improving yourself and your relationships and living the life you "truly" want and desire! 

You are closer than you think you are.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 


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