We All Have A Hidden Agenda That Can Make
Or Break Our Relationships 

By Ange Fonce

We all have an agenda going on within ourselves.

An agenda is not necessarily a hidden nefarious plan to get away with something at other peoples expense.

An agenda is like a set of goals or a plan for what we will want to achieve and acquire for ourselves.

There is research that proposes there is a basic motivation for our agendas... a motivation that runs deeper than any other for humans...  that our minds are designed to figure out the agenda and motivations of other human beings.

We are endlessly curious about other peoples intentions… their agenda and  it is a deeply rooted motivational driver...  it is a hard wired part of the human psyche which evolves in our psychology.

Actors in playing their roles allow us to figure out the agenda of a main character in a movie or television show and as just about anyone will tell you... the book is always better than the movie. 

Because it satisfies our deep curiosity about the agenda of other human beings in a way that is not possible with any other medium for telling a story... in a book you actually get the opportunity to learn the inner most private thoughts of the main character... you can engage your imagination which allows us to vicariously experience the story as though their world was our own.

Why would our genetics cause us to be so tuned in to the motivations of others?  

The research evidence points to it being about success and survival...  those who can develop the ability to read between the lines to understand the motivation and intentions of others have an advantage in all aspects of life... yet our ability to understand someone elses agenda is woefully lacking at a conscious level...  our conscious minds are sophisticated at generating assumptions and we often assume incorrectly and are way of the mark.

A common cause of relationship failure is incorrect assumptions.  

We make an assumption about the agenda behind the actions of a lover and end up generating all kinds of problems without finding out and knowing what their intentions are... one of the things you can do to increase your success with romantic relationships is to help your partner have a better understanding about your agenda.  

Doing so has two simple steps...

1...  You look at the relationship from his or her perspective.

You ponder and think about the various ways they might perceive your agenda for the relationship or an area of interaction that has become important for the two of you.

You specifically look for possible misinterpretations and assumptions they could feasibly make based on your actions and based on what you do and do not say aloud.

2... You reveal your agenda to them through simple verbal expression of your desires... your perspectives and your goals for the future.

Without drama or preamble and being authentic you speak about your true intentions on some topic that matters to the relationship.

You dispel any assumptions they may have regarding alternative agendas... the ones you realized they could have in step 1.

You ask them if they have any questions to ensure they do not think you are leaving something out due to a hidden agenda.

A lot of assumption... misunderstanding and heartache can be avoided with this simple two step process...  some of you may wonder if there are situations where this advice does not apply.  

There Certainly Are.

You do need to keep a certain level of mystery and intrigue in the relationship to maintain the romantic tension which is very healthy for your relationship...  yet for the vast majority of situations in which you are building romantic tension... it can be done with playful topics and playful situations that do not contain room for potentially disastrous misinterpretations.

More often than not being authentic in your intention and being honest with your agenda... what your goals are and clarity in your communication will build healthier longer lasting relationships that are more satisfying to both partners...  I would like to think you will take this concept to heart and use it in your relationships.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright kick arse person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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