3 Problems That Signal That Your Relationship Is In REAL Trouble‏

By Ange Fonce

Every intimate relationship will experience its fair share of conflict... no matter how similar you and your partner may be... you still come from different backgrounds... cultures... and mindset... plus you are two different sets of life experiences.

So... just “how” much do you understand your partner... and feel understood... how much do you have of  an “in depth experience”... that you REALLY know and are "aware" of each other... often partners in a relationship... “assume” they “know” each other... when really what they have is a lot of “assumptions” of each other... and those “assumptions” are what you “think” and “feel” you know of your partner... and are not actually what your partner “thinks” and “feels”... and that leads too and causes REAL problems in a relationship... because you are living your relationship through each others “assumptions” of each other... and not really KNOWING and UNDERSTANDING each other as you both REALLY are!

Conflict in intimate relationships is a fact of life... it is “how you handle them” that determine whether they will rip you apart or bring you both closer together in deeper ”intimacy.”

So many couples who have lost each other regret their parting for many years... particularly when they might have been able to stay together... they struggle with what they could have done differently had they known they were in serious trouble... and by the time they realized they were on a collision course... they could not stop the “negative spiral”... because they did not know “how” to break the “negative cycle" between them... that was destroying their relationship.

Most relationships that begin with "common goals" and "abundant love"... and end with those "positives" still intact... and lie buried under layers of  “negative feelings” and “negative experiences” of each other... the “memory” of the pain lingers on... had those "disconnects" been seen and "understood" earlier... the once “cherishing partners” within them could often have turned things around.

So learning the three most common problems that cause relationships to fail... can help devoted partners keep their relationship alive.

Three Real Problems That Signal Your Relationship Is In Trouble‏...

Problem 1...  Negative Interactions That Outnumber Positive Ones...

When your relationship began... you most likely felt treasured by your partner... and you are praised for your assets... and readily forgiven for your faults... some "not so compatible... negative" areas may have existed... and you chose to give them less attention... and “focused” on the “positive.”

Over time... those “non attended to negative interactions” may have changed the percentages of “positive polarity” connections to “negative polarity” ones... now you are having more difficulty both erasing them and also holding on to the positives you once took for granted... you do not “understand”... what is “changing” the “polarity” of your relationship... and “how” you can stop it... the “negativity” between you both... is getting out of control.

The “positive parts” of your relationship may still be there... yet the “negative damage” is taking its toll... and you can feel each others “lowered frustration tolerance" for each other growing... and the increased quickness to “anger”... is growing and become more and more the way of your relationship... "desperation" and “insecurity” has become a BIG part of your once loving and trusting relationship with each other.

If you cannot “recognize” and be “aware”... of  your “negative patterns” and grow beyond your current limitations... your lack of action will keep feeding energy into the “negative interactions” and starve out the “positive ones.”

Problem 2... Suppressing Your Needs For The Sake Of A Relationship...

To keep your relationship secure... you' have probably had to “compromise” some of your own needs at times in order to give your partner what he or she wanted from you.

You may have felt you are the “martyr”... always “sacrificing yourself” and your needs... and even gave up some on your own “self respect” and you have “justified” and “rationalized” to your self that it seemed the right thing to do... to save your relationship... you “assume” that your partner not only recognized your “willingness to sacrifice”... they would readily do the same for you.

And over time... you began to “think and feel” that you are “giving more” than you were getting back... your sacrifices now appear to be more expected and your paybacks are not adequately compensating you for your efforts... your partner not only does not give you more of what you want... he or she does not even “know” or recognize that you have been “silently bargaining”... and keeping your “secret account book.”

If you allow this imbalance to continue... you will eventually feel like you are being used and taken for granted and lose trust in your partners willingness to reciprocate... and the “problem” is your partner can be completely “unaware” of all these “secret transactions” that are going on in your mind... and what is even worse... is that you are both keeping a “secret account book” on each other of what you “think” and “feel”... the other “owes” you!

That is a sure fire recipe for “disaster” in a relationship. 

Problem 3... Trust Breaking Incidents

Most new couples do not address their “non negotiable bottom lines” up front... in other words their  own “personal boundaries”... to what is “acceptable” to them and what is not... they either “assume trust” that their partners have the same “values and ethics”... or “assume” that they would never hurt them by doing something they have “agreed” would be unacceptable.

You probably begin or if you are in a relationship now... began the same way.... then as your relationship matured... you become “aware” of things about each other that altered your initial “assumptions”... some of those “revelations” were delightful surprises that deepened your trust and love... others may have caused concern... that started the “alarm bells” ringing... like past behaviours that your current relationship could not survive.

As you grew to know what your partner could or could not tolerate... you may have begun withholding some potentially “relationship destroying” thoughts... telling yourself that you would never act upon them... couples who cannot share their “innermost thoughts” or behaviours risk the loss of their “intimacy” which eats away at the “trust bond” in the relationship... you cannot be “authentic” with each other... the “love” bond weakens... and you are more likely to act without considering the outcome.

Getting Your Relationship Back On Track... Starting Now

Averting further damage and getting back on course involves three steps... regardless of the problem...

Step 1... Acknowledging the problem and committing to fixing it as a team

Step 2... Intentionally stopping any behaviours that are perpetuating the problem

Step 3... Harnessing and “focusing” on the “positive energy” in your relationship. 

It is still there... even if it sometimes does not feel like it.

The key is to take ACTION! 

Many intimate partners stay together despite signs that the relationship is deteriorating... not willing to take “responsibility” and looking at the "decaying relationship" between them...  they will continue... pretending and fooling themselves... as if all is well... then usually after a series of disappointments... or one really painful... “trust breaking event”... which is often that one of the partners is having an “affair”... they cannot find their way home to each other... and the relationship ends... with a lot of “finger pointing” and “blaming” of each each other... when the REALITY is... BOTH are RESPONSIBLE for their relationship “falling apart.”

It takes two to “cooperate” with each other to make and build a “loving intimate relationship”... it takes two to stop “cooperating” with each other to “break” and “destroy”... a “loving intimate relationship.”

I can help you find your way back to each other and discover even more intimacy and connection than you have ever shared... how to keep the level of "positive interactions" high in your relationship... how to make sure you are being "authentic" about your needs and wants... and how to “enjoy” the most honest... sincere... respectful.... loving and intimate relationship possible.

And “how” to tap into the core of what makes your relationship "unique" and will help you become aware of the energy that originally brought you two together... when you are equipped with the skills to weather the most common relationship problems... you can feel secure in the knowledge that you are doing everything you can to enjoy a relationship that will stand the test of time... do not wait until it is too late.

Every day... couples who once pledge their "undying love" for each other can barely stand to be in the same room... and they would not be heading for "divorce" if they had learned some "critical skills" about "how to keep love alive" and work through "conflicts."

If you are single... it is better to learn “how” to choose the right partner and maximize your “opportunities” for lasting love.

And if you are in a relationship... you will be able to “relight the fire of love” you once shared for each other and clear up even long standing issues.

If you would like help with “solving problems” in your relationship... or you have “problems” attracting men or women into your life and “building relationships” with them...

Please do Contact me.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Recommended Reading...

So What Is Intimacy And Why Is It So Important For A Deep Trusting Loving Relationship?

By Ange Fonce

"All beginnings are lovely"... a French proverb reminds us... yet intimacy is not about that initial "Velcro stage" of relationships. 

It is only when you stay in relationships over time that your capacity for intimacy can truly grow. 

Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner... about being able to be vulnerable... and let him or her know how you really feel. 

Intimacy is also about being able to accept and share in your partner's feelings... about being there when he/she wants to let the...

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange CLICK HERE

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