The Dynamics Of Change Or

The Elusive Confidence Drainer Of Avoidance?

By Ange Fonce

I suppose that lazy people may be getting the most out of life... yet it is hard for me to imagine how... I cannot imagine not having any drive or ambition to accomplish anything and having the desire to engage only in passive activities... always being a spectator and never acting. 

Laziness in many cases... leads to poor health... low personal esteem and low personal confidence... it also robs a person of a sense of accomplishment... a sense of self worth and personal development... how are you going to learn anything or pick up a new skill or develop a talent if you are too lazy to get up and do something?

Many people are very harsh with lazy people and I have to admit that my initial thoughts about laziness are usually rather judgemental... I know that though many people who seem to be lazy are just picking a passive way of dealing with fears or insecurities or frustrations... people with learning disabilities for example often seem lazy because of the high levels of frustration they encounter when trying to accomplish simple tasks. 

A person who is afraid of other people or of social situations may choose a passive approach to everything so that they will not have to take any risks... a slow learner may prefer appearing lazy to appearing stupid the attitude being... 

"If I don't do the work at all no one will criticize my performance."

In addition many people suffer from diseases or illnesses... many undiagnosed that may deprive them of energy and make it seem as if they're being lazy... people with lyme disease or iron deficiencies or any other such ailments may appear to be quite lazy... especially if they forego activities that their friends and families partake in... these problems are especially troublesome if they are undiagnosed for no one can see or know of a specific cause of a persons inactivity.

Of course all of the possible causes save the physiological do not justify a life without accomplishment... nor does knowing that you are being lazy because of fear compensate for what you miss out on in life because of your unwillingness to act... the key to dealing with laziness is taking action and the key to taking action is finding the motivation to do so. 

What do you do though when a person simply does not want to be motivated to do anything? 

What do you do about the person at work who is not willing to do his or her share of the current task? 

What do you do about the student who does not do the homework because he or she prefers to lay around... talking on the cell phone or watching TV?

How do you define lazy?

My definition most certainly would be different than yours and of course the answers are not simple... most people have heard the lectures and the begging and the pleading and the... 

"It is your life waste it in front of the tube if you want to."

And there is not much more you can do.... at best you can be understanding enough to help them to see just what they are missing in life and just how things could be if they were to change their patterns of behaviour... they are missing out on a lot in life and many of them do not realize just what they are missing because they have never experienced it. 

How Can You Motivate Them? 

How can you show them just what their lives would be like if they were to take some risks... to act... to live their lives themselves rather than vicariously through entertainment media?

I do not know the answers to those questions and I do know that if laziness is the determiner of your behaviour... then you are missing out on much of what this beautiful world has to offer... so please take your place in the world and be a positive influence to others... help to teach others of the beauty of living life and of being active in life... not the boredom and tedium of being lazy.

I must add that one of the greatest tragedies for me to witness is the effect of lazy parents on their children... I have seen many children growing up slovenly and lazy because they have learned the patterns from their parents... you need to be stronger role models to these kids than to some others... you need to let them see how much the world offers and help them realize that the will miss it all if they continue to emulate their parents... it is difficult and for their sake it is necessary.

The Elusive Confidence Drainer


How do you prevent this confidence draining MISTAKE?

Avoidance shows up in many forms... from declining invitations to not taking opportunities to creating illusory justifications of why you cannot have a better and healthier life. 

Avoidance is a sneaky thing because of the unconscious tactics employed to hide yourself under the rubble of busyness and excuses of lack and limitation... simply you cannot fix what you do not face.

A big tendency for many people is to always have an excuse... 

“I’m tired... not interested... it is not my responsibility... I am too busy.”

Are the common ones and staying in the background and never getting on the field to play the game of life gets you nowhere and nothing and further proof that you are not enough... hiding your light and putting barriers between you and what you really want just plain sucks... at the core of avoidance... again is just false fears built up since childhood... ever notice that most of the things that you fear and worry about... just do not happen?

Training yourself to avoid scary and uncomfortable things and situations only fortifies your insecurity and solidifies your fears at the core of avoidance is the need to feel secure... you learn to avoid things because you have had some kind of negative experience where you were not in your power... things got out of hand and you LEARNED to be afraid and there is usually NOTHING to be afraid of if you stay present and take small steps out of your comfort zone.

When trying new things and making changes... most people try to jump too far outside of their comfort zones and end up running right back to them because it was too hard or scary... eventually you learn to just stay small and hide out in your comfort zone even when you are deeply unhappy about your life... weight and health!

So what can you do about it in an empowered confident way?


There are those of you who find change to be a wonderfully invigorating experience and those of you who find change to be terrifying... since I belong to the first group I find it hard to understand those who belong to the second group and I recognize that as my way not theirs... I like change because I am used to change and because I have gone through change regularly and grown through each change.

I know how positive it can be because I have experienced it and I have seen the results of change in my lifestyle... health and fitness... I know that even the changes that seem to be very negative end up being positive... how many people who have been laid low through ill health and then made changes and have found even better lifestyle they love living though they never would have done so... never would have changed if they had not been forced to?

I gave up a well paid job many years ago... yes I was comfortable... good standard of living and unhappy... I was not doing what I loved doing the most so I took the step and went into business for myself and I love what I do now.

Empowering other people for them to live the life they LOVE!

That is one of the main reasons I developed... Dynamic Life Development Systems Personal Development Academy for those men and women who want to create a Dynamic Lifestyle for themselves and who are frustrated by not knowing where to start... lacked the tools or lacked support for those changes they desire for themselves in their lives.

Change terrifies many people because the status quo is usually comfortable even when that comfort is painful... unhealthy and dysfunctional... you can pay the bills and keep food on the table the way things are so why change anything? 

That is one way society gets people to focus on the pleasantness of the secure... steady income and remind people of the risks of getting out into the real world... yet change should not be terrifying if you trust life and trust in yourself... life goes on no matter what happens to you individually and it is always rife with opportunity and possibility... yet somehow you focus on the limitations and impossibilities and we will argue for them! 

Change is not without its problems of course... change is inevitable and it seems to have become much more common in our culture... you change families... spouses... cars... everything much more often and readily than you used to and many people use change to avoid facing problems that are extremely important parts of their lives... the people who give up on their health without making a true effort to work through the problems are causing more problems than they are solving... running away from problems is not true change... it is avoidance and such people are not growing through change and trying to use change to help them to avoid potentially difficult effort and taking responsibility for themselves.

Most change is very positive if you look at it in a healthy way yet there are still many who balk at change and who allow the possibility of change to terrify them... to take away their lust for living... to make them back away from life... change and risk go hand in hand and the life without risk can not be a full life for human beings are by nature dynamic and full of life and energy. 

Let change happen... go with it... move with it... learn from it... do not let it pull you down or make you feel afraid. 

The Hula Hoop Method To Help You Change And Grow.

Think of your comfort zone as a Hula Hoop which is a big plastic ring shaped toy that kids twirl around their body by gyrating their hips rather than jumping way outside of your hula hoop comfort zone and leaving it behind... just take one step outside of it... grab hold of it and bring it with you... one step at a time as this way you are never too uncomfortable and you make consistent forward progress. 

Set smaller achievable goals... celebrate them and acknowledge your progress and keep moving forward... before you know it your level of confidence and quality of life... health and fitness will be vastly improved.

The process looks like this...

Effort –> Experience –> Competence –> Confidence –> Success –> Satisfaction!

Mankind went to the moon one step at a time... you can stretch your boundaries... explore new territory and gain experience one step at a time... right? 

By doing so in every area of your life in a short time you will have become much more comfortable with trying bigger and better things and more sure of yourself... then what used to make you uncomfortable... tense and anxious becomes easy and automatic because you have practiced taking small steps forward and proven to yourself that you can handle it... that is what confidence is.

After a while what previously took conscious effort and stretching yourself becomes an unconscious competence which is a fancy way of saying that you can do it without hesitating or thinking about it... a natural part of how you operate.

Trust life and trust yourself that the change will be for the best... then look for the best... do not expect it to announce itself to you and you cannot find time to exercise?

Just think of the tremendous benefits in terms of the impact on the other 162... 165 hours of the week... doing 30 minutes of exercise every other day!

And that concludes my conversation with you for this article for Dynamic Lifers.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe... a DYNAMIC Lifer and if you want to share with a friend a writing... please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via e mail by directly joining The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers...I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.