The 3 Dummies That You Use To Ruin Communication

 In Your Relationships 

By Ange Fonce

How aware are you of the speech patterns you use in your relationships?

Having great conversations with each other is one of the main ways that people connect.

Hurtful speech patterns you use when you talk with your lover... friends... family members... children or boss can result in one of you feeling devalued... dismissed or disempowered and when that happens... you can be pretty sure that resentment and depression will begin to hover like a black cloud within and over the receiver. 

What kinds of speaking habits demoralize the person who is receiving them?

Here is the BIG 3 Dummies to look out for... either as a giver or as a receiver... I call them them the 3 Dummies!
Deprecating... Demanding... Dismissive.

So let us deal with the first D...

Deprecating Words Or Tone Of Voice... 

Even the slightest tone of sarcasm or irritation can cast a pall on the person toward whom the comments were directed... to whom do you sometimes speak with a negative edge in your voice? 




Team mates?



From whom have you received words accompanied by a... 

"You dummy!" 

Or other forms of vitriol?

Instead of allowing yourself to speak in deprecating tones... listen to the attitude that your voice conveys and keep it respectful.


Politeness and good mannered requests invite the willingness to respond... just as demands invite resistance

No one including children generally wants to be told what to do unless it is an emergency situation... because in most emergency situations... just about everyone is happy to have one person take charge and issue "commands".... note I use the word COMMAND and not DEMAND! 

Most of our lives though... we are not living in emergency situations.

Cooperation feels good... dictatorship is depressing. 

Even children are people... Human Beings and not puppets.

When you feel that you have to submit to someone or something more powerful dominating over you... the by product of the submission will generally be aggression... resentment and depression.

Whom do you sometimes tell to do things? 

Do you demand or make requests? 

When have you felt that someone was telling you what to do in a way that felt dominating rather than collaborative?

Instead of demanding a specific response... take the time to understand where the other persons source of contradiction springs from and how you can come to collaborate rather than remain in confrontation mode.


When you need to qualify statements of compliance or apologies... you are dismissing the person in front of you.

"Yes... but...." 

Dismisses the words just spoken.

"That is not right because...." 

Negates what was said.

When you issue "Yes... but..." or "No... that is not...." responses... you are using the equivalent of the backspace delete key on your computer... beware of using such language unless your intention is to induce anger and resentment in that person.

When you experience that words you have just spoken are being deleted with "Yes... but" or "No... it is not."... you are facing the receiving end of dismissiveness... odds are you will be tempted to counter attack... you may get defensive in order to keep the information you were trying to share on the table or you may give up and giving up on getting your words heard and taken seriously results in the disempowered feeling of depression.

Whom sometimes tells you things that you are quick to dismiss or ignore... who tends to disagree with you or dismiss what you say instead of taking it seriously? 

How do you then feel?

Instead of ignoring or rejecting what you hear because you only focused on what you found wrong and remember "wrong" is only your point of view and perspective. 

Instead focus on what you agree with and comment on that point first... then afterward you can always add... 

"And at the same time...."

Just remember that if you want to avoid a depressive collapse... respond in any way other than giving up and feeling bad. 

Dominant Submissive Interactions Between People... 

This most often occurs in male female relationships and ultimately produces resentment and depression. 

If you do not take a submissive position in response to your partners deprecating tone of voice... demands and dismissiveness you may feel frustrated or want to exit the situation.

Which is a good move on your part as you will not feel depressed.

So What Is The Bottom Line?

Pay attention to your speech patterns.

The 3 Dummies of deprecating... demanding and dismissive forms of speech have depressogenic... depression causing consequences. 

If you have been issuing any of the 3 Dummies in your speech patterns... you best clean up your act. 

If 2 of the 3 Dummies are present in your speech... take serious action. 

If all three are present in your relationships... act now to make sure you change the habits asap.

What are your thoughts and ideas on the 3 Dummies of communication?

I will be glad to hear from you as I appreciate thoughtful comments.

And practically speaking that completes my conversation for this article.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright kick arse person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for any problems you would like help with CLICK HERE

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