Obstacles to Living and Loving Yourself 

Part 1... SHAME

By Ange Fonce

I have known people who feel so much shame about themselves that they never allow themselves to feel good about themselves. 

They never take pride in things that they do and they generally talk down about themselves. 

If someone compliments them they have a hard time accepting the compliment. 

Somewhere along the line someone has caused them to feel a deep sense of shame that has stuck with them for years and which they have having a hard time shaking off.

This shame turns their life into an emotional hell.

Shame and guilt are strongly related and for me the easiest way to make the distinction between the two is in the sentences... 

"I feel ashamed."

"I feel guilty." 

The two feelings are not the same for me.

Shame and guilt are very similar in one important aspect though they are both feelings that people will use against you if they have the chance. 

This is especially true of authority figures who are insecure themselves and if they can get other people to feel badly about themselves... then their own power or strength grows in their minds. 

Unfortunately many of these people prey on others who are very vulnerable and they can cause someone to feel a great sense of shame about him or herself for a very long time. 

How many of us have not heard the words...

"You should be ashamed of yourself?" 

And how many people have taken those words to heart and never let them go carrying their shame into adulthood... parenthood... their careers and every other facet of their lives?

Truly nobody in the world has the right to tell me how I should think and feel as no one has the right to tell you how to think and feel. 

If I do something that they do not like that is okay... I need to learn about feelings myself and not hear about them from others who may or may not define feelings in the same ways that I do. 

If I internalize their words and start to feel a deep sense of shame about myself and who I am... then I am simply sabotaging my future to come to terms with who I am and what I feel.

I have to look at this from another perspective too... do I attempt to make other people feel ashamed for their words or actions? 

Because if I push too hard I may end up contributing to years of emotional pain and suffering for this person... do I have the right to define what another person should be ashamed of?

Many religious and political leaders are quick to use shame as a tool to try to get people to follow their dogma more closely... they do not see that getting people to follow anything because of a sense of shame rather than because of a strong desire to follow is ultimately more destructive than helpful.

Shame can be a great tool for us if we use it for what it is worth. 

If I am ashamed about the way that I talked to someone then I need to use that sense of shame as a sign that I need to apologize. 

Then I need to put the shame behind me after all... I have no intention of doing the same thing again and if I do slip up and repeat the act... then I can apologize again and be glad that the lesson has been learned more deeply.

Do you know someone who feels a deep sense of shame and who does not give him or herself an opportunity to feel good in life? 

Unfortunately you cannot fix such people and at least you can contribute to their recovery by continuing to give them positive input in their lives. 

Do you feel such shame yourself? 

Then will you want to deal with it face to face and then put it behind you?

If you will deal with your shame face to face and put it behind you then you are good that you will see a great improvement in your quality of life. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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