Myths That Ruin Relationships

By Ange

The problem with the "you complete me" model of relationships is simple maths.

The myth trumpets that I am less than whole but with you I can be restored to whole. 

People think...

'I'm half and you are half and together we make a whole." 

Yet human beings are not additive, we are dynamic. 

It turns into multiplication.

A half times a half is a fourth, and you end up with less than when you started.

This myth is completely untrue.

As a professional coach, I often see the fractional fallout from that and other romantic fallacies too often, and I will elaborate on a few points.

1... In much of today's marriage and relationship advice, I hear two contradictory messages.

The first is... 

"Be careful who you marry." 

The second is... 

"Marriage is challenging with anyone, so who you marry does not matter as much as who you are."

You have got to flip the order of those. 

If you take care of the first step - knowing who you are - the second almost takes care of itself. 

The more you are tuned into what you want, the less likely you are to partner with someone who does not make you feel good about yourself. 

Whereas if you do not know what it is like to feel good, you are much more likely to be swept up in a relationship based on chemistry and novelty, and less likely to find someone who is a good match for you.

2... "Let us make a deal: The barter economy marriage."

An example of this is... 

"I will stay home and watch the kids while you earn the money." 

There is nothing inherently wrong with that as long as everyone is bartering in good faith and that the agreements are continually assessed. 

There is another piece, what is going on socio-economically. 

Ten, 15 years ago people made this deal, and then all of a sudden they lost their job. I actually think these economic hard times has done more than anything else to reveal the heart and soul of marriages. 

People in the '90s were distracting themselves from their marriage with hobbies and trips and creature comforts. 

Now people cannot afford to jet-set off on the weekend. They are sitting around the table playing Monopoly like we did in the old days. You learn a lot more about people when you are having a family game night. 

People did not realize they had marriage problems until the economy went south. 

Maybe the stay-at-home spouse is thinking... 

"This is not the deal I signed on for." 

If they picked their spouse based on that and only that, then they are going to be left really questioning their choice.

You have to have the flexibility and wherewithal to really dig deep and find out what your priorities are, and allow your happiness to rest on your sense of centre.

3... Why is being married important?

If there is abuse, if it was never a good match and you cannot be your best self in this marriage, and your spouse cannot, then divorce maybe is an option. 

Yet if the marriage problems stem from the issues that reside within you, you are going to take those issues into your next relationship. 

It is kind of like, somebody has their first marriage and it does not work out, and then their second marriage, and then their third. 

After several marriages, the person asks... 

"What did all of these marriages have in common?" 

The answer is "Me." 

And a simple answer to that question is...

"If you are not happy being yourself, what makes you think you will be "happy" being married?"

No "ONE" individual, can complete another individual. 

It is an "Impossibility!"

So what would be a healthy relationship for you... do you know what you really want for yourself?

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Caring, Prosperious and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Ange is a Dynamic Personal Development, Strategy and Assesment Coach who works with those men and women who want to develop their confidence, influence, relationships, health and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a free consultation CLICK HERE

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