Mindfulness And Compassion

By Ange Fonce

Compassion is an important concept, and even more important practice to integrate into one’s life. 

Like all ideas, layers underlie the meaning. 

It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. 

In some ways, it is what is called enabling. It is the general tendency to give people what they want because you cannot bear to see them suffering.

The danger in this... 

Instead of offering a friend medicine, bitter though it may be when ingested, you feed them more poison-at the very least, you do not take it away from them. 

This, is not compassion at all. 

It is selfishness, as you are more concerned with your own feelings than attending to the others actual needs.

Granted, saying uncomfortable things to someone close to you is no easy task. 

If they are violent or depressive, criticism could send them spiraling. Yet enabling is not good either. Stepping up and being a teacher in challenging situations requires great tact and care, and does not always work out how you intended it to.

I began thinking about the ways we enable ourselves as well. We are extremely good at self-deception, using bad habits as crutches for some future good we imagine is right around the corner. 

We trick ourselves with the ‘one more’ syndrome: one more cigarette, one more drink, one more email to someone who refuses our pleas.

The issue is really expectation! 

We fear upsetting others, or ourselves, because we do not want to make things uncomfortable. 

We choose short-term avoidance over what we perceive to be longer term suffering. Since we do not inherently know what the future state holds, we choose what we think to be the most comfortable path, persisting in our folly without becoming wise.

The hardest part is not imagining the future. Hypothesizing is what our brains do. Two things keep us locked in a perpetual state of conflict: expecting reality to conform to what we want it to be and demanding the future unravels as we hope it will. 

When one or both of these projections fail, we blame the situation rather than our expectations.

One powerful form of changing these habits of enabling is mindfulness meditation. 

As neuroscientist Richard J. Davidson has written, habitual manners of dealing with emotions are the product of both genetics and experience. 

Some of us are genetically inclined to be more resilient and compassionate than others, yet it is our life experiences that define our outlook, and how we treat others (and ourselves). 

As he writes,

Mindfulness retrains these habits of mind by tapping into the plasticity of the brain’s connections, creating new ones, strengthening some old ones, and weakening others.

In his research Davidson has found that mindfulness practitioners exhibit greater activity in the left prefrontal cortex—they are able to redirect thoughts and feelings while reducing anxiety and strengthening resilience and well-being. 

Meditators are able to shift both their reactions to situations, as well as their reactions to their reactions.

Oftentimes when something happens in our lives, we say... 

"Why did that happen to me?" 

As if the weight of billions of years of history has led to this moment just for you. 

Fortunately meditation helps one overcome this overbearing sense of self. 

It loosens the grip of the brain’s ‘me center.’ You begin to view the world in terms of collectivity instead of individuality, and thus are able to process your emotions better.

When this occurs - when you are mindful of your thoughts from a third-party perspective and attain some level of control over the direction they unfold - idiot compassion becomes impossible. 

You do what is best for the present you, or the person you are engaging with. 

In that way, everyone benefits, even if it takes a little while for the medicine to kick in.

A Peaceful Way To Eliminate Fears 

With the New Year, you may be reflecting on this past year and on what you can do differently this upcoming year.

Maybe you want to acquire your goals and serve more people or just build your confidence and esteem.

All these sound great, yet there is one problem.

You may have fears that will sabotage you from getting what you want in the New Year.

For example... 

The thought you do not feel confident you are "good enough" to grow your self and have more impact on your life.

Look, it can be really hard to get over these feelings.

Now it is possible to release your fears and negative beliefs with a powerful technique in a matter of minutes you can practice yourself every day...

It is called the... 

Peace Process.

So let us work through the Peace Process right now.

Find someplace quiet, make sure you are comfortable, and follow along with these 7 steps.

Step 1... Find the Feeling.

All feelings manifest in some part of your body. 

Think about the situation that is upsetting you, and notice where in your body the feeling is the strongest.

Perhaps it will be in your throat, or your chest, or your stomach (these are the most common).

And it could be in your hands, your head, or anywhere else in your body.

Step 2... Give It Attention.

Instead of distracting yourself from the feeling, or trying to mentally solve the problem, just be present to the physical sensation of the feeling in your body.

Step 3... Be Unconditionally Accepting.

This feeling is here. 

It is a fact. 

It will not be here forever (though it might feel that way in the moment).

For now, as long as it is here anyway, accept it. 

And if possible, accept that feeling.

Step 4... Focus on the Eye of the Storm.

Inside the feeling in your body, there is an area of greatest intensity.

Focus your attention on that area and stay present to it, in an uncondition accepting way.

Step 5... Let It Breathe.

As you give the feeling attention, it may shift in some way.

It might become more intense, or less intense. 

It might move to different parts of your body.

Stay with it and let it run its course. 

It is like an oil candle: the fuel needs oxygen to burn, yet once the fuel is burned out, it is gone.

Your attention is the oxygen and the feeling is the fuel. 

We never know how much fuel is in there.

That is why we never know how long the Peace Process will take. 

Sometimes seconds. Sometimes minutes.

And on very rare occasions, you might need several hours.

Step 6... Get to Peace.

Stay with the feeling. 

Let it live, breathe, and grow. Let it move around if it needs to.

Keep your attention on the most intense part in an unconditionally accepting way.

And eventually, you will be at peace.

Again, you will usually arrive at peace in 5 to 10 minutes, sometimes faster, sometimes a bit longer.

Step 7... Enjoy The Peace.

After the feeling that is troubling you has run its course, you will be left feeling neutral. 

That is peace.

You might also be filled with joy or love.

That is fun when that happens, yet usually, you are left with a neutral feeling of peace.

So that is the Peace Process in a nutshell.

You will want to make sure you cleared the negative feelings completely by thinking about the problem or fear that was bothering you.

Then, notice if you feel anything other than peace, love and joy.

If you do, repeat this process.

Sometimes, there are several layers that need to be processed.

It will help you make important decisions and take massive action towards reaching your highest potential in the New Year.

I have been using this for more than a decade now, and it has been a major blessing in my life.

I encourage you to give it a try.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

Please comment.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Coach Ange Fonce

Ange is an Dynamic Personal Development Coach who works with those men and women who want to personally and powerfully develop their confidence, relationships, sexing, health and wealth!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a free complimentary coaching session... CLICK HERE

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