Lying In Relationships And Why We Need To Lie

By Ange Fonce

Most people you have known both male and female consider lying in relationships to be a very bad thing. 

As a result they rank honesty very highly on their "must have" list when deciding what personal traits they require in a prospective mate.

The chances are good that this would describe you as well... yet do you really want a totally honest relationship

Are you sure? 

You may think you do and think on this one... would you really enjoy it if you were in a totally honest relationship.

Yes we would like Authenticity... Fidelity... yes most people would say yes to these traits... yet honesty? 

Do not be too sure... honesty is a double edged sword and a very brutal sword at that. 

Lying in relationships is absolutely necessary as I will soon prove to you... you like most men and women will have a "wish list" for what you want in a partner and the reality is that some items will be mutually exclusive with others.

For example would you prefer someone very attractive... sexy... personable... fun to be with? 

Unless you are a highly unusual man or woman... yes of course... why settle for a dump truck if you can get a sleek jaguar after all?

Now let us look at some other traits that are likely to be on your list... 

Would you prefer someone who only has eyes for you... who will not fool around on the side when you are not there... who will not dress provocatively to attract attention... who will not flirt around with other men or women when you not there or even when you are there?

You probably said yes to those ones too. 

Yet an attractive... sexy... personable... fun to be with man or woman is not going to spend the remainder of their life being oblivious to other men and women around them once they hook up with you... men and women simply are not wired that way

If he or she is smart and they are deciding to commit to you... they will tone it down when he or she is with you so that you will not see them flirting with other men or women ... or worse!

He or she will also neglect to mention it later if they are courting attention when you are not around.

If you ask them specifically... he or she will assure you that she would never do such a thing and that they only have eyes for you... they would be stupid not to lie about it after all... there is no other way for them to reconcile their biological needs to court attention in this case and your sensitivities about that behaviour. 

That is why both men and women are so prone to lying in relationships... they have to lie and the reality is that most men and women cannot handle this truth and yet we expect women to be ideal angels and not human... talk about double standards.

If you do not trust me on this let me put the shoe on the other foot by imagining this scenario...

Your a man and you are heading down to the shop alone and while walking through the park you spot an attractive... leggy young woman wearing a flimsy mini skirt and at just at that moment a quick gust of wind abruptly lifts her skirt above her waist... would you politely avert your eyes because you already have a wife or girlfriend at home? 

If you answered with an emphatic... 


Then you are lying through your teeth unless you are a blind man... because every man within at least 200 feet if he saw her would be looking too... I KNOW I would be looking and admiring her and have no shame about it... we as men are wired that way by nature.

Now... would you tell your woman later about having done so? 


Why start a fight when lying is a far safer and less stressful choice?

And now let us look at an even more basic reality...  you maybe have heard of the rating scale for grading men and women from 1 to 10 based on their attractiveness and desirability

How would you rate in terms of your appeal to either a man or women? 

Unless you look like an model and have millions in the bank then you are not a ten. 

Let me split the difference and call you a "5." 

You are an average man or woman for the purposes of this example... other things being equal perhaps he or she will be a "5" also... and so that is the man or woman who becomes your lover... the hard truth is that neither one of you aspired to end up with a "5."

Consider this in the case of men...if both Miss Universe or a husky female construction worker were both trying to win your heart... which would you have picked... and if both you and the hottest movie star in Hollywood were both wooing her... who would she pick?

And the same goes for women too... and if you are in bed with your man who rates a "5" hypothetically... would you close your eyes and fantasize about another "5" or some hot hunk of a man? 

No... in the case of both men and women  you will be either fantasizing about Miss Universe or a hot hunk who is closer to a "10" than to a "5" and of course you will lie about it if he or she asks you what you are thinking about. 

Hence the "value" of lying in relationships!

That is the harsh authentic reality... you were not your lovers first choice and he or she was not yours... you accepted what you felt your value was... and to make the relationship work... you both have to cooperate and sometimes that means bending reality to help the relationship work between you both... there is no other way. 

If there were no lying in relationships... there would be no relationships at all... they would not last more than a day or two... so if you are in a relationship or someday get into one... he or she will most definitely lie to you as you will to him or her.

Ask her how many men she has been in bed with before you and she will lie... she may just count long term boyfriends and she will certainly not count the one night stands... or that the best she has ever had was a professional football player whose package was twice the size of yours?

Ask him how many women he has been to bed with he may drop a zero or even two off the end of the number and ask him who was the best he has ever had and if he says you that is also almost certainly a lie. 

For both men and women the probability is extremely high that he or she has had the occasional wild weekend in their younger days that was far more erotic and orgasmic than "average relationship sex" with the same man or woman month after month after month.

And if he or she says... 

"I've never done that before."

This is also possible certainly a lie... yes probably he or she has done that before!

Yet do you really want to know that he or she has been with others before you? 

Being honest about some things would kill the fantasy and relationships need that fantasy to stay alive... rather than futilely trying to find a mate who is not prone to lying in relationships... you will be happier if you can accept reality. 

Lying in relationships is universal because it has to be.

Let me give you an example from my own life...

I meet a woman and start seducing her... please note that “dating” is just a socially acceptable term for "Seduction."

She asks me...

"How many woman have you had in your life?"

The reality is that if I am honest with her and tell her how many women I have known... she will be gone.

So I answer...

"I have known and enjoyed the company of women in my life and what really matters is that I am enjoying the company of you right now and it is you I want to get to know."

Yes... I have "lied"... I have not be "honest" and told her the truth.

Have I been "authentic?"


I made the choice to say what I wanted to say... it is her choice to accept what I have said.

So why agonize about lying in relationships? 

It is a better strategy to focus instead on how well your lover actually treats you and how authentic he or she is with you... after all that is all you can know for sure.

You are not perfect... I am not perfect and nor is any man or woman and accept he or she is human just like me and you.

And the truth is that we all lie.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright kick arse person who is a GEEK and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation  CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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