Listen Or Remember What Do You Want Him To Do?


By Ange Fonce

 
So there you are pouring your heart out to the man you love or maybe just a man you are interested in and he is listening to you intently as you share more and more. 

Everything you mention has significance to you because you have lived it.

Your boss who is always making impossible demands.

Your mother who for some reason wants to treat you like a child and remind you of what to do.

Something you saw on TV that you thought was funny.

And here is the problem... while you are sharing all this information I wonder if you have thought that this is the first time he has heard it... he does not have all this information stored in his mind and when you share it with him all at once. 

He has a choice... he can listen to what you are saying or he can focus on remembering it and he cannot do both... unless he is an expert listener with a good memory.

For him to remember it in case you want to have his opinion... he has to make a mental note in his head while you are still talking... he has to condense it and remember... 

“Okay... Mum got upset with her.” 

While you add even more information for him to consider.

Or... he can listen intently without having to remember all the details... he can give you his undivided attention and enjoy what you are sharing with him... without having to take mental reminder notes.

As for most men he can not do both... why... because he is a man. 

He is not just going to jump in there while you are talking like women often do and note ladies... men call this talking over each other... while women call it sharing.

I remind my female clients about this every so often... it goes like this... 

A female client starts our session telling me all the details about her past week... sometimes talking for 15 minutes without giving me a opportunity to respond... then when she is done she says... 

“What do you think?” 

My response is usually this... 

“About which part?” 

Her reply... 

“Any of it?”

Then I remind her of what I am sharing with you... 

“What you are sharing is too important for me to listen and figure out what is most important... I heard what you said and I did not want to interrupt you by asking questions because you said you just wanted to finish... I honestly cannot remember everything you have just told me... what parts of what you just said are the most critical?”

Now... I would not do this during our first session because their reaction is often one of feeling insulted... I usually wait until I know them to say something like that and the truth is that after years of practice... I actually can remember almost everything they have said. 

And I am trying to show them that just because they share something with a man... they cannot expect him to remember all the details while insisting he just sit there and listen... come on ladies we are not mind readers. 

My suggestion to you is this... 

If you want his input and feedback then give him an opportunity to be involved... if you want him to be involved with what you are saying... share what you want to share in smaller segments... pause to see if he has any questions or wants to share his thoughts. 

Think of an intimate conversation as a game of catch where one person throws the ball while the other one catches it allowing each person to have a turn with the ball. 

It is no fun for him if you stand there and hold the ball as in doing all or most of the talking. 

For some reason he started teasing her and his wife did not like it one bit. 

What would you do in that situation?  

Think about it.

She simply looked at him and said... 

"That is not the spot." 

Then she smiled and suddenly the light bulb went off and he stopped and apologized. 

Do you know what she did?

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely




Dynamic Lifer... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur!... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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