How Your Own Thoughts Can Cause Your Depression! 

By Ange Fonce

In this article about "Depression" I am coming at it from a very different angle.

First let me share with you a story...

About 10 years ago, I became friendly with a man who had a very successful printing business, as well as a significant personal fortune. He was a very charismatic man - always good-natured, upbeat, full of fun, and easy to like.

Then - during the recession of the 2010's - his business collapsed. 

I do not remember the details, he had taken on a lot of debt and lost a few of his biggest clients. 

Then, suddenly, he was bankrupt.

When I heard about it, I called to console him and offer a helping hand. It was too late. Sobbing, his wife told me that he had killed himself. I was shocked. Devastated. I could not understand why he had done it. He had so much going for him. 

A beautiful family. 

Loving friends. 


Good looks. 

He was, in short, a person with great natural wealth. His financial wealth, as far as I was concerned, was just gravy. Apparently, he did not see it that way.

Six months ago, another close friend lost his job. His income dropped from about half a million pounds a year to almost nothing. Within a few weeks, he had spiraled into a clinical depression. 

He would not leave the house. 

He would not look for work. 

He talked about suicide. 

I was concerened he would do it.

I visited him, thinking I could talk him out of the hole he had dropped into, yet all the support I gave him fell on deaf ears. He was consumed by his financial problems. He asked me to give him a job. I had nothing for him, and I told him I would see what I could do. I wanted to buy some time.

I visited him again the following day. We talked about his financial situation and I was surprised to learn that he had millions of pounds in property and hundreds of thousands of pounds in the bank. He was in much better shape than 99 percent of the rest of the world.

Yet he was in despair, on the verge of suicide. His problem, I realized, was not a financial one at all. His problem was that his ego had suffered a near fatal blow. Without a high-income job, he saw himself as worthless. He had attached his self worth to his income. When his income disappeared, so did his self-esteem.

The next time I visited, I brought him a copy of Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power of Positive Thinking." 

In this classic self-help book, Peale observes that depression is one of the great problems besetting people. He argues that the root of most depression is a lack of self-esteem. 

He points to a survey of college students which indicated that, for 75 percent of them, self-esteem was the thing most lacking in their lives.

If you have ever choked up in an interview, forgotten your lines in a play, or blown an easy lay-up, you know how your self-esteem can take a little dip when your actions do not meet your expectations. 

And when you feel like you have failed in a big way, you can be crushed. It is hard to recover from that kind of blow.

That is what I know happened to my friend - actually, both of my friends (And sadly a good few more that I know.) 

They had decided that their financial setbacks were huge, personal failings. 

In both cases, the trouble was the result of an economic downturn, not foolish actions. Both were smart, hard working men who had been successful for many years. Then, for whatever reason, they failed... and they were broken.

Instead of thinking, "Gee, this isn't working anymore. How can I change to prosper in this new world?" they must have thought, "I always secretly knew I was a fraud. This proves it. Now the whole world will know what a failure I am."

The lesson here is that you do not want to link your self-esteem to your ability to make money. 

As billionaire businesswoman Oprah Winfrey says,

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

We are all being affected by the difficult economic situation. I have been affected Myself, and instead of becoming "depressed" and beating myself up with a lot of negative self abuse. 

I have got my head down, worked harder, taken the time to train and learn new ways and most of all, as one of my younger males clients said to me.

"I seek opportunities like others seek diamonds!"

If you are like most people, you have lost half your life savings. You may feel your job is in jeopardy. You may have lost your job. You may be without income. 

And the worst thing you can do right now is sink into a depressive state and beat your self up with the self abusive negative thoughts in your own head.

You Will Be Good For Nothing. 

You will be unable to enjoy time with friends and family. And you will be incapable of making a comeback.

Being depressed, a good friend once explained, is like falling into quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you get. To avoid that quicksand, you have to change your thinking while you are still mentally healthy.

You must detach yourself from the idea - if you have it - that your self worth is measured by your money or matirial wealth. You must recognize that what counts most in your life is the minutes you spend learning and helping and growing - the time you spend helping other people, not dwelling on yourself.

In The Power of Positive Thinking, Peale says:

The blows of life, the accumulation of difficulties, the multiplication of problems tend to sap energy and leave you spent and discouraged. It is easy to lose track of your abilities and powers - and by re- appraising your personal assets, you can convince yourself that "you are less defeated than you think you are."

As an example, last year I coached a 52-year-old man who came to me in great despondency. Everything in his life, the man said, had been swept away by a recent business setback. 

"Everything I built up over a lifetime is gone."

I recognized that although the man had indeed experienced a serious setback, his chief problem was the way he viewed it. 

"Suppose we take a piece of paper and write down the values you have left," I suggested. 

And so we did.

Among other things, the list included...

A wonderful wife - and a 30-year marriage.

Three devoted children.

Admiring friends, happy to help

Good physical health


Not bad.

Make your own list right now. If you have trouble making that list, try this - a method I have recommended before in my articles and I use with my clients.

Imagine yourself as an observer at your own funeral. 

Surely you would not want to hear your spouse, your children, your friends and colleagues say things like... 

"He was a jerk, but he sure made a lot of money."

Think about what you would like them to say about you. 

Those are the things that really matter - positive personal assets that you do not lose just because times are tough.

If you are feeling down, focusing on those positive personal assets will help you overcome the worst feelings you could possibly have about yourself. And no matter what happens to your job or your income, you will not despair. You will be able to use all your natural resources to start over again. 

And the money will come back - as it always does when you have the Abundant Mind set and work ethic.

If you think what I said here can help a friend, pass it along. 

As for what happened to my friend who lost his job six months ago... that is a story for another time.

And although I have used the example of money in this article, the same goes for "Relationships" too.

I know many people who have a relationship end and they "Think" it is the...



Instead of seeing all the "New Creative Opportunities" that are there in making themselves a "NEW LIFE!"


Well, the way you explain setbacks, mistakes and disappointments to yourself can dramatically effect your outcomes. 

Whether your thoughts are pessimistic or optimistic will affect the choices you make, and actions you take. Pessimistic thoughts, are useful in high risk situations where doing a second safety check might save your life, yet optimistic thoughts will generally serve you better. When coming up against a stressful situation a pessimist's fight/flight response will be triggered more readily and stay switched on for longer than an optimistic person. 

Explanatory styles can be altered, with attention and practice by asking yourself 3 Yes/No questions around the situation:

1... Do I think I played a key part in causing it or was it mainly caused by outside forces? (Personalisation or not).

2... Do I think the situation, and the feelings around it will remain the same or can things be changed over time?

Pessimists view negative events as permanent and positive events as temporary. 

Optimists view negative events as temporary and positive event as permanent.

3... Do I think the experience is replicated right across my life or is it specific to just one part? (Pervasive or not). (On your drive to work three traffic lights turning to red on approach doesn't mean your whole day will be ruined!)

Want to know more? 

Read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

Please comment.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving, Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Coach Ange Fonce

Ange is an Dynamic Personal Development Coach who works with those men and women who want to personally and powerfully develop their confidence, relationships, sexing, health and wealth!

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