How To WIN with the "AIKIDO" of Masculine Social Skills 

By Ange Fonce

Has anyone challenged you today?

Put you on the spot?

Made you feel like you were being tooled or ridiculed? 

Played a game with your “self esteem?”

This is going to be a very different article... because this topic goes WAY beyond just “attracting” women and being good with women.

It speaks to the “essence” of who you are as a MAN... your Masculinity!

And I am going to show you... right now... how to “blow out” the most common "Alpha" game there is between guys.

Read on...


"Ange ...In the past few months I've noticed that there are special dynamics that go on when interacting with guys, especially in front of women. It seems that there is always one (sometimes two if it is a large group) alpha male in the group. And of course, the female is attracted to him. I find that I have a strong desire to be the alpha male, but am not always able to be. 

For example, I'll be bringing value to the group... when all of a sudden, one of the males tries to screw with my game by calling me names or making fun of me, and the thing is that honestly I am sensitive, and sometimes I can't hide the fact that it annoys me or hurts me, and therefore I can't come back with a stronger frame and out-alpha this guy back.

For example, yesterday, I walked up to a group of my college friends, and asked a random question about where our class was being held... 

As soon as I asked the question to the group, one of the guys  says, "You're gay!" And then everyone laughed.

Now, it didn't bother me too much at first, because I'm a confident guy, and I don't usually let things like this throw me off, or at least I try not to... but when I just let the laughter pass and kind of rolled my eyes, and asked the question again, he did the same thing again even louder, therefore making the group laugh even louder again at me. 

This time, I just got pissed off, though probably not visibly (at least to the guys, because they're not as good at reading body language, and there were two girls in the group, and about 4 or 5 guys, just so you get a better picture). I knew that since I was pissed off, I was already in a weak position, one of reaction, and I tried to make some sort of comeback, but my frame was already thrown off, and basically he had succeeded in doing exactly what he wanted to. 

So I just walked away, angry as hell and wondering why I didn't just clobber him right on the spot... which yeah, on second thought was probably not a good idea anyways.

So my question, now that you have a better picture of my full situation, is how do I avoid being out-alphaed, if you know what I mean? 

How can I be a leader instead of the guy that gets made fun of?"

Aaron... UK

My Reply...

Dear Aaron,

Thank you for your message and contacting me.

I TOTALLY know where you are coming from on this one... I remember being “tooled” like this by guys in the past and getting REALLY frustrated by it. 

There was this guy I remember way back when in high school that used to spray kids at random with the fire extinguisher in the halls... the one thing he counted on was that no one would “call him out on” it because he was a big guy... he used to laugh and wink at the girls when he did it.

Same kind of juvenile behaviour... you have experienced... and there IS a cure for this kind of “social shaming”... and it is something you can use right away to reclaim your inner and outer Masculine Confidence.

Because this situation happens to men at EVERY age... I used to have constant issues with a man who would make sly comments whenever his mistakes were pointed out in meetings... he was in his FIFTIES... and I still get men to this day trying to put me down... there is a realization you MUST have about the “dynamic” in groups like this... and especially when men start to interact in front of women.

First of all... despite what you are saying to the contrary... you ARE getting shaken up by this guy... hey... let us be honest here... most men would get a little pissed off... especially when “group dynamics“ create an uncomfortable situation... AND he is trying to embarrass you in front of the women in the group.

I used to get very unsettled when I would be talking to men in front of a group of women... because inevitably they would try to make me look look stupid... so that they could look better... remember... this is the “universal game” of the “weak and feeble attack”... someone with underhanded insults sets out to lower your “social value” and to raise his own... and in the worst cases down right BULLYING!

This is the pecking order...  the typical response most men have to being picked on is to REACT and let it get worse and worse... and their anger gets stronger and stronger... and yes... these men will probably start responding by finding someone else you can push around or tool to establish YOUR place on the social ladder.... you start to bully those weaker than you.

I would love to say that "intelligent" human beings... we have overcome this kind of behaviour.. the simple “truth” is... we have not... it is part of the way people are... even women have their own pecking order... so the “reality” is that you ARE letting them get to you because you “think” that they are somehow being “effective” in lowering your “social status”... and when you get shaken up like this... you will find it very tough to come up with an “intelligent comeback” or witty response to put him in his place. 

That was always the worst part for me.... I would get five steps away from a situation where someone had made me look like a fool... and THEN I would come up with the perfect thing to say...

“I should have said....!"


And it is because your mind cannot be “resourceful” when you are in an “anxious state” like this... the worst time to try to be at your best...  is when you “think” you are at your worst... so what is the way to deal with these “negative social situations?”

Have a STRATEGY for these situations prepared in advance... here is a 3 Step Strategy to use... 

The "AIKIDO" Of Masculine Social Skills...

Social Skill 1...  Recognize the pattern of the situation before you get into it... and if you see this pattern developing... avoid it...

Just like a trained fighter learns how to “recognize the patterns” of his opponent... he also watches for their strengths and avoids them... if you see a “social situation” where there is a mixed group gathered together like this... be on ALERT... especially if you know their personalities.

I am not saying avoid them right away... because that is “social suicide” too... if you do that you are learning “how to avoid” rather than “confront and overcome”...  just know the temperature of the water before you jump in.

Now for the next strategy...

Social Skill 2... Do not block... Instead REDIRECT... The Energy...

When you are on the spot... and someone is blowing off your "serious" question or request... the more you stay serious or you push to get your result while they are doing this to you... the more you will look foolish.

When someone punches at me in the martial arts...  I am conditioned not to block and stop their punch... because that is force meeting force... what I do is deflect it gently to the side so that they miss me and  wind up hurting themselves... this is the fundamental principle of Aikido... by the way... if you have ever seen Steven Seagal in one of his early movies, like Marked for Death... you can see this principle in action.

The same principles hold true in conversation... if someone is mocking or ridiculing... you will not be able to overcome them with...

"Yeah... ha ha... okay... YET seriously..."

Because they know that they can get a bigger laugh at your expense by making you the "straight man”... you see?

If you want a perfect movie example of this one... watch the first "Back to the Future" movie when George McFly... the dad... is in the hallway at school and he is got the "kick me" sign on his back... he tries to get them to stop... and fails miserably... so when they come at you with something like that... I usually totally “blow out” their energy with the power of “confusion.”

He says..."You are gay."

Yes... had that one plenty of times along with a few others.

You say... "You are an iguana."

He says.... "Huh?"

You say... "That is what SHE said."

Then you turn right to one of the guys that is the "silent follower" in that group... the one most likely to just do as he is told... and you do not miss a beat... you ask him....

"Hey... where is that class meeting?" 

Ignore anyone else... and put the “social pressure” on this one guy specifically... BOOM! 

You have just “blown out” the most common pecking order game there is... this is a DEADLY effective tactic against a group... because the one thing the group relies on is that no one has “individual accountability” for the one guy who is mocking you. 

The others feel like they can be the "laughing audience" because there is only ONE guy who is playing you like this... and they are COUNTING on you defending yourself against him... they are not counting on you holding one of THEM responsible for being a “separate person” with a “mind” of their own... and this process is easy because even if you are flustered... you can come up with random stuff like this no problem... just let your scattered thoughts work FOR you... is this cool or what?

I LOVE deciphering and messing “bullying types” on this kind of game... because 99% of them have NO social skills at all... and it is so easy to annihilate their game... and finally...

Social Skill 3... Have your Backup Plan ready to roll... to EXPOSE their game...

No “social skill” is complete without a backup... and this one is NO different.

There is always a chance that this guy will desperately flail around to save his “social image”. .. the strategy I shared with you actually does the BEST thing... it lets him take the “easy out” and save face... you have not directly insulted him... so he can only keep going and make himself look worse.

As the saying goes... the more rope you give them... the more they have to hang themselves with.

Remember that these guys have no real “social skills” beyond playing out their mocking as a social strategy... so if he keeps it up... trying to win by persistence... your backup plan  is to call him on it... EXPOSE HIS GAME.

Calmly... Confidently... with NO emotion... and with no intent to harm... you simply expose what he is doing in front of everyone... which destroys his ability to make you look bad.

HIM... "Yeah, dude, but you are still gay..." 

Trying desperately to get a laugh so that he does not feel his value lowered.... he looks insecurely at his buddies one by one to see if they are still responding. 

YOU... "WOW... that is pretty clever... you are trying to get a laugh at my expense." 

Look impressed with him here. 

YOU... "Hey look... you keep going... I just know that eventually you will impress... someone... please... keep going... anyway... while you are doing that... I will be somewhere else... catch you later and have a nice day."

And just walk away.

Take my word for this... you do this sort of thing EVERY time... refusing to “react” to him and acting from your own place of “power”... he WILL give up... he is counting on you to play the game... if you do not “resist” him... he has no “energy” to use against you. 

It is like the little Chinese guy who is attacked by the hulking 290 pound weightlifter... time after time... the small Asian man ducks... steps aside... parries, the punches and strikes of the big dude... the monster muscle man throws himself all over the place... eventually he catches his breath and looks at the 5 foot tall man who has not taken so much as a scrape and says..."

"Okay... I will let you go... THIS time."

Who REALLY won?

We all know who the victor was... and it does not need to be shouted out with taunts and poor sportsmanship dancing in the win zone... yes you could respond to his..."You are gay" comment with something funny to banter with him like...

"You looking for a date? I am not interested man."

And then you get caught up in a whole new game of being “On the Spot Witty Guy”... and that takes a lot of practice... just shut his game down so he knows who is boss... I used to have SO many problems with other people and their silly little games like this... I used to get mad at THEM for using them on me... especially when it seemed like women were playing me all the time... until I realized that it was not THEIR fault that I was getting pecked and mocked right out of “social situations.”

A coach once explained to a reporter why his team did not win the game... he shifted the blame by saying...

"We just were not prepared to play in the rain,"

The reporter responded by asking...

"Did it not rain on the other team... too?"


I figured out that it was MY fault for not learning how to play the other guy better than they were playing ME... and not to make him look bad or stomp him into the dirt either... that is not necessary... I realized I could get the Win Win that would make BOTH of us come out ahead. 

That way I get my personal victory... AND I keep the "good will" of someone who does not know “social skills” as well as I do... and let us be honest here...  we do not want to “create” enemies... do we?

If you want to start winning like this in ALL of your “social encounters”... and build “social status” and “social credibility”... then please do Contact me.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

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By Ange Fonce

"Ange, I've been reading your articles for little while now, and I am really excited about getting this part of my life handled. I have a question that I'd like to ask about first dates.

I asked a girl I know out, and she accepted. The problem is, I don't have any clue where to take her.

Any ideas where I can take her out a date and what I can buy her. I am thinking of getting her flowers and a meal?"

Gary... Bristol... UK

This is one of the questions I get quite frequently about ideas fo...

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 

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