How A Woman Knows If You Are Confident Or Not

By Ange Fonce 

I will start this article with a question from Bill who wrote to me as to why women keep blowing him off and giving him excuses and he ends up in the friends zone.

And as a man who has my self experienced the friends zone along with many other men and knows just how much it SUCKS to end up being blown of by a woman the REALITY is that 90% of the time it is us men who are doing it to ourselves and I share with you the reasons why your lack of confidence will just kill any form of attraction with a woman and the friends zone is where you end up instead of being her lover.


"Ange, I have a question for you...
I have been approaching going on dates with women pretty regularly over the last year, and I think I may have an issue.
On the last 3 dates I've been on, they've all ended with the woman avoiding my kiss and just giving me a hug.
What the hell is up with that?
I don't understand what's going on with them.
For example, one of the women I got hold of again on the phone, and she told me that she just didn't think I was "strong enough" for her.
Huh? I mean, I know I'm not as confident as I'd like to be, but come on!
Ange, why do they say this?

How does a woman pick up on a man's confidence?"

Bill H... Manchester... UK

My Reply...

Hello Bill...

Thank you for writing to me and your message.

Your story reminds me of something that happened to me when I was in college.

There was this girl Shela Sherwood and she was too darn cute for her own good and I still remember her weird little smile and the way she would hunch her shoulders when she laughed...

Well I was friends with her for a while and suddenly she wanted to date me which I did not argue with... this happens all the time when you are a teenager... Shela and I went out 3 times that I recall and at the end of the third date the magic date I remember what she said to me to this day...

"Hey, it's been a lot of fun, but I think we're just meant to be friends..."

Now this was very disappointing to me... wait correction that CRUSHED me as I actually liked her and I did not just want to score and I thought of her as being my next girlfriend... so that broke my heart just a little.

What I figured out from that experience later on when the dust had settled and I could talk to her more openly about the whole thing was that I was not acting very confidently.

I had just broken up with another girlfriend about a month or two before and my esteem was in the pits and what I did not realize and that Shela was explaining to me was that I was SUB communicating the fact that I was not very confident and I have discovered over the years that women figure out how confident you are by INTERPRETING your behaviour.

Imagine if someone walked up to you and said to you... 

"Hey, I'm confident." 

You would think they were a loser and you probably would not trust them... so we use our keen instincts to figure out whether a person REALLY is confident.

To make my situation with Shela worse I did not know what I was doing or how to get rid of this low confidence behaviour even when I KNEW what was going on... well a few years later I have worked out the answer to this puzzle and I can tell you exactly how she picked up on my bad vibe.

So here now are... 


CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 1... You make decisions quickly.

You might think it is a good idea to be laid back and chilled when dealing with women and you would be right... yet and this is a BIG one women want you to make decisions quickly and effortlessly when it comes to casual conversation and interpersonal dynamics by all means you can chill and relax and you NEED to if you want to be able to have a confident conversation with a woman and you must be decisive when you are presented with options. 

A woman needs to see this from you and one quick and easy way to demonstrate this is to have a DEFINITE idea of what you want to order when you go out with her. 

Whether it is drinks or it is food you should know what you want.

CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 2... You do not watch for HER reactions.

I have observed a lot of men I have worked with over the years and the one thing that has been very consistent and has allowed me to predict a man success or failure in an approach is how much he is looking at HER to figure out either what to do next or say next and in psychology they call this a transference issue

Meaning that you must have a clear and distinct idea of where your identity stops and another persons begins and this is a BIG problem here for some men in the approach because you desperately WANT the woman to approve of you do you not?

Sure you do and it is only natural in a lot of ways yet you cannot let that dictate how you act when you talk to women and if you create a feedback loop where how SHE reacts changes how YOU act which then changes how SHE acts... you see where this gets you?

You are stuck spiralling down the drain.

Instead of watching her reactions you need to act INDEPENDENTLY of her and this is one of the most important indicators a woman looks for because if you are too busy reacting to her... how can you possibly lead her and provide her a sense of safety and security?

CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 3... You know what you like and what you do not like 

What you stand for and what you definitely will not stand for.

This may sound similar to number 1 yet it is not the same thing.

You must have STANDARDS in your life and these are the critical areas where you decide what you will and WILL NOT have in your life.

Are there certain kinds of women you would simply not date?

Is there a woman you would break up with?

Is there behaviour you would not tolerate?

If a woman senses that your answer to those questions is no or that you are not sure about them then you are going to have a hell of a time getting her to feel SPECIAL.

Remember she must feel unique to you or she will move on to a man that makes her feel unique and special and by not having ANY criteria for accepting or denying her you are saying essentially that you are desperate and no woman wants to be the only option of a desperate man after all what does that say about her quality?

CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 4... You can reveal your vulnerabilities

I have discussed this before and if you really want a woman to get caught up in your spell you have to drop a lot of your defences.

Yes I know that all the other experts out there want you to be super strong and guarded against women and that is completely the wrong thing to do and you also do not want to act like a wuss right?

Damn straight.

Let me tell you something... Women can SENSE a lack of personal confidence... they can pick up on it like a bloodhound and while women definitely know when a Man is confident they are also very good at figuring when you are NOT.

One of the best ways to show her you are confident is to demonstrate that you can let her past your initial defences and show her that you are a human being... let me be clear here this does not mean that you show her where your weaknesses are or how to hurt you it also does NOT mean that you break down into a sobbing emotional wreck.

You just have to learn how to show vulnerability because this is the fastest way to demonstrate that you are a real AUTHENTIC man.

This one always works if done correctly because it cannot be faked and women KNOW this.


You are going somewhere in Life

I mean this in two different ways.

The first meaning is that when you walk up and talk to her you also have some place else you are going and she was not the reason you stopped she just got lucky to cross your path and that you had a few seconds to brighten up her life.

The other way that you are going somewhere is that you have ambition and purpose to your life... you have a mission in life that gives your life meaning to put this simply do you have the vibe of a Man who is on his way to something cool OR are you just looking for something cool to do?

The first one indicates that you have already installed an interesting life and you are going after it.

If you are just looking for something cool this tells her that you are just waiting for life to HAPPEN to you... you are passive and not a leader.


Find your purpose.
Find your ambition.

And tap into that innate MASCULINE Power you have inside of you.

You can learn this information and these lessons on your own over the next several decades by trial and lots of error or you can learn them comfortably from a Mentor.

So consider this...

Power is making the CHOICE in the moment of NOW and ACTING with CONFIDENCE!

When your a MAN who is Naturally Confident  women can sense and feel this power in you.

And practically speaking that completes my conversation for this article.

And always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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