Healthy Personal Esteem Is Essential
For Acquiring Confident Success 

By Ange Fonce

At the foundation of all our “successes” and “failures” in our business... career... family... relationships and our “personal confidence” and “personal respect”... is our own “personal esteem.”

Over the last several years...I have found when working with people through Dynamic Life Development Systems... that there is a “direct link” between an “individuals” own “personal esteem” and the “success” they enjoy as “individuals”... as “families”... in “relationships” and in “businesses” as well as their “failures!”

Also our “personal esteem” is directly linked to our level of “personal confidence” and “personal respect.” 

The things that make a child "feel appreciated” are the very same things that make a grown man and woman “feel appreciated”... we all want to be “applauded” for our “victories" and "consoled" in our defeats... and "valued" as a person.

Personal esteem... is in many ways a much “misunderstood concept”... once you “understand” what “esteem” is... you can “learn” to “develop” your own “personal esteem” and be able to “enable” those you  care for “develop” their “personal esteem” as well.

So What Is ESTEEM?

There are many “ideas” on what “esteem” is... and the “consensuses” that ties the “principles” of these ideas together is that an “individual” is COMPETENT to live and “feels” they are WORTHY of living... it is the “sense” of an “healthy awareness” we have about “ourselves” and  in our “relationship” that we share with the rest of the world and others... in that we are “valued... appreciated” and have “trust” and "respect" for ourselves. 

Healthy Personal Esteem = Healthy Personal Confidence = Healthy Respect for SELF and others.

When our “esteem” becomes “unhealthy” or has developed in a “distorted” and “unhealthy” way... it has a major effect on our “personal confidence” and “personal respect” and “trust” in ourselves... and “how” we "relate" to others and our “personal outlook” on life... we become “depressive... manipulating... deceptive... abusive... unloving” and “insecure.”

Unhealthy “personal esteem” has many links with “psychological" and "emotional personality disorders.”

Scientific research projects plus my own professional experience indicates the following findings... and this is just a small sample...

1... Children with “healthy personal esteem” perform better and are more “successful” in life and in building “relationships” with others.

2... Children with “healthy personal esteem” are more “emotionally intelligent.”

3... Young people with “healthy personal esteem” are MUCH more likely to stay away from “drugs” and “substance abuse”... and live a “healthy lifestyle” than those with “unhealthy personal esteem.”

4... People of all ages with “healthy personal esteem” are less likely to commit acts that will “harm” others... less likely to lie and deceive... and possess a “real sense” of “integrity” with themselves which reflects in their dealings with others... they are considered “trust worthy” and are more “compassionate” towards others and animals... than those with “unhealthy personal esteem.”

5... Employees with “healthy personal esteem” are more financially productive for themselves and for their companies than those with “unhealthy personal esteem.”

6... Employees with “healthy personal esteem” suffer less “physical” and “mental health” problems and being absent from work.

7... Both children and adults with a “healthy personal esteem” are able to form “healthy... loving relationship” with others... and as adults... more “deeper” and “secure” longer lasting “loving intimate relationships” based on “mutual acceptance” and “trust!”

8... Men and women with “healthy personal esteem” are able to handle “rejection” far more effectively and do not take it personal to themselves and move on quickly.

9... Men... women and children who possess “healthy personal esteem”... focus on a “positive... optimistic” outlook to life in general... while those who possess “unhealthy personal esteem” focus on the “negative... pessimistic” outlook on life in general.

The question is then and we have to ask is... how do you harness this information and implement a plan NOW?

Optimistic Communication v Pessimistic Communication

1... To begin with... you have an “opportunity” to educate your children and if you have employees... them too and have them “focus” their “attention” on their “successes” and “fulfilling experiences”...  an “excellent way” to do this... is to “informally” have them tell you a recent “success” or “fulfilling” story.

When "communicating" with your children or subordinates... you need to “state” your “comments” as though it is “obvious” that they will “succeed” at what you are asking them to do without mentioning “penalties of failure.”

For example...

Parents can say to their children...

"I want you to stay in the yard where you will be safe from the traffic."

And NOT say...

"Do not go in the road and get yourself killed."

The same line of “thinking” is critical in business as well... we always “focus” on the “images” in our “mind”... if someone tells us to avoid getting killed... we first must “picture” getting “killed”... then  we will “subconsciously” go “act it out”... if we tell someone “not to screw up”... he or she will simply “subconsciously think” of various ways to “screw up.”

2... Find ways to make “learning” and “work”... enjoyable and  fun... “pleasure” is not a luxury... it is a “profound psychological” need... when someone “enjoys” what they are doing... they are “experiencing” the “feeling” that “life is worth living”... and that they have “value”... if you cannot find ways to make “learning” and “work” more “enjoyable” and “worthwhile”... you cannot increase “intelligence” or “productivity” in the long run.

3... Think before Opening Mouth...

"Quit crying... before I give you something to cry about." 

"Floggings will continue until morale improves" 

And other similar statements only produce “resentment”... the complete opposite “feeling” that you want your children and employees to have toward you... these kinds of “statements” mold “resentful attitudes” that encourage others to "get even" with you... to get “revenge” by “rebelling” through practices of “theft” and “toxic gossip”... by using “illegal drugs” and “substance misuse”... people will “abuse” themselves to “destruction” in order to “get back" at "you”... the “feeling” of “revenge” fueled by “resentment” is a very “destructive” and “powerful motivator!”

Men... women and children with “unhealthy personal esteem” can be very “destructive” and “revengeful!”

5... Everything you “say” to someone counts for “something”... if you want someone to “learn better” and work more “productively”... always remember to “build up” his or her “personal self esteem”... to build their “personal confidence” and “personal respect”... use “appreciation” for their efforts and “encourage” them to “stretch themselves” and “support” them in a “constructive” way... and you can help an “average learner” or an “average worker” to become some one who is "really good”... full of “personal confidence” and “personal respect.”

That is a WIN WIN for you both!

6... Reframing What You Say...

"That was stupid!" 

Is never going to be anywhere as effective as... 

"That is unlike you... I know you will do better next time." 

One statement destroys “personal esteem” and lowers  “personal confidence” and “personal respect”... the other tells the person that he or she is not his or her “behavior”... they made a “mistake”... and that a “better result” can occur next time.

The difference is only a few words...  by “reframing” what you say from a “negative context” to a “positive context"... the “results” are as different as night and day... one person is going to “feel” completely “cut down” and “stupid” and will be “fearful” and “demotivated” to “improve” and make “mistakes”... this is “how” perfectionist are made... and perfectionist have “unhealthy personal esteem.”

While the other person will “realise” they made a “mistake” and will be “motivated” to do “better” next time... and not be “fearful” of making “mistakes” in the future to keep on “developing” and “improving.”
7... Realize that a “lack” of a “healthy personal esteem” is generally is rooted in the “formative years of children”... from birth to age 5...7. 

You cannot just by yourself “change” another adults “personal esteem”... you can with the “investment” of “time” and “patience” work with them to “enable” and “empower” them to “personally develop” themselves when you "know" and "understand" how to apply “methods” and “techniques” using “words... verbal communication skills” and “actions... non verbal communication skills” to “persuade” and “influence” them to “convince themselves” that they are more “competent” and of “greater value” than they once “thought” about themselves and to develop “personal respect”... more than they currently do.

In other words “healing” an “unhealthy personal esteem” to be “healthy” is a process of “transformation!”

And never expect someone to “change” overnight... that person has lived most of their life this way with an “unhealthy personal esteem”... so it takes a lot of “time investment” and “trust”  from them to “transform” to a “healthy personal esteem.” 

It takes "time" with "commitment"... based on a solid foundation of “trust”  to “heal” an “unhealthy personal esteem” to be “healthy” again.

Now when dealing with “young children”... the same is “true”... EXCEPT you are the one “creating” and “molding” the childs “personal esteem”... their “perception” of him or her self for those first years... you are “creating” and “educating” your child to be “whom” he or she will be in the “future” as an adult... what their level of “competence” is and most “importantly”... just “how much” he or she ”likes" and TRUSTS themselves.

That is a HUGE and “awesome responsibility”... and it would be nice to “think” that I have helped with one or two “valuable ideas” in aiding both young and old alike... with "understanding" of what "personal esteem" is about.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own "life" and "wealth!" 


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