Does Your Mind Block You From Experiencing

Passionate Ecstatic Sexing With Your Lover?

By Ange Fonce

I want to start this article by asking you some questions?

Do you hold back in sexing on some level? 

Do you let yourself go totally wild in sexing? 

Do you let your neighbours hear your lust sometimes? 

Or are you like many men and women I work with... you feel on some level scared of letting your partner see you totally in your passion?

I was with a couple a few sessions back and this topic come up... the man had really lusty sexing before he got married with some past lovers... unfortunately once he got married he had this attitude of not being wild and lusty with his wife... because it was not proper! 

Sexing soon boring and his partner wanted much more... so why this change in his attitude to the woman he married and was with to the women who were single in his past?

The key to this change in attitude was actually down to trust and being truly intimate with his wife and allowing her not as his wife... to be as a woman... totally sexual and intimate with him... being his wife had become a barrier to intimacy with her.

And now I am going to get very personal and share with you from my own life how the husband and wife thing can mess with our perception of our lover as being a Sexual Human Being!

I myself for many years was holding back to total sexual abandon with my lover and wife of the time when I was younger because of my religious upbringing and I had a lot of shame around being a sexual man and in many ways it cost me my marriage and once I overcame this fear of really being seen... I discovered my orgasms become much more powerful and my female lovers responded to my deeper masculinity like never before... I can still remember my first totally screaming orgasm that was out of this world.

Many of us have a fear of loosing control or that being a sexual human being is somehow wrong and shameful and this can be brought into even more sharper focus when we start to wear the husband or wife label which brings with it a whole raft of social... parental and personal responsibilities... and unfortunately these responsibilities can totally stuff out great "intimate sexing" and expanded orgasmic experiences that you are able to share with a lover when you are not weighed down with the husband... wife labels. 

And this can often lead to codependent relationships that usually lead to emotionally dead relationships and end in separation and divorce and that is what happened to me... I forgot to be a Man... Lover... Sexual Human Being and instead become a husband full of duties... responsibilities and the expectation of being in control and having everything sorted.

Personally I am glad I have grown past all that and can now sit easy in the saddle of life and enjoy myself... and if you think about it... sexing and orgasm is so attractive because you can loose control... you can go beyond your thoughts and lose your mind for as long as you like... your experience is expanded and you let go of your constructed image you present to the world.

To become more vulnerable is one of the keys in this process of letting go and "trusting" in yourself... if you feel you are inhibited in terms of your full sexual expression... discuss this with your lover

I suggest you do this first out of the bedroom... discuss how you can create a situation of safety for you to both let go more and may not be comfortable with how you think you look or sound... only to find that your partner finds you most attractive when you are totally wild.

Now yet me ask you some questions and be honest with yourself in answering them...

Are you more uninhibited when self pleasuring than with your partner? 

If you have ever had an affair... where you less inhibited and more sensual and passionate in your sexing?

The amount of trust you have in your self and your lover and letting go are linked... the more you let yourself be vulnerable... authentic and feeling relaxed being wild the more you trust your self and your lover to accept you as you are and not to criticize or judge you.

Some more questions for you... again think about them and be honest with yourself in answering them...

Do you support your lover being out of control and even having emotional states like screams... tears... anger or whatever?

Or do you tell your lover not to wake up the kids... not to wet the bed etc?

One tip is to explore becoming more vulnerable and self abandonment with little steps... is the next time you make love... set an intention to communicate your pleasure with your lover with your sounds and expressions... if you both set an intention to feel more... to be wilder and to transmit your turn on to your lover... you will find in time your sexing... lovemaking and intimacy transformed.

You can also practice this in self pleasuring. 

Set an intention to fill the room with your sexing energy by making sounds and by totally letting go... when you do this either as a man or woman... you will find your orgasms much more intense and much more a full body experience. 

If you are a woman... this can help you transform your orgasms from clitoral based so something much deeper.

Totally letting go and surrendering is also the key to go into blissful... ecstatic sexing states that are transcendent and out of this world.

Here Is A Step To Start With

The way your lover responds to you can be totally changed from one simple tip...

Simply by changing the way you touch your lover... how you touch and how you stroke your lovers body... most men I see in my private practice really need to feel how this type of sensual touch will really turn on their lover... because most men focus on what their lover is feeling and whether their touch is turning their lover on... they focus on whether SHE is enjoying the touch and not on how much THEY are enjoying touching her

Now how many sex guides teach you that?

Actually I call this type of touch when you are focusing on how to make the other feel... the turn off touch!

I will share with you way to touching that I call... present touch or pleasure touch... that comes from a very different place... because you are totally enjoying yourself in enjoying your lover and this means you touch your lover for YOUR pleasure and really be in your body enjoying how this feels good to YOU.

It seems a contradiction and that this type of touch will really feel more erotic and sensual for your lover

Read that again. 

“It seems a contradiction and that this type of touch will really feel more erotic and sensual for your lover.” 

If you are a man... when you touch her with your attention on YOUR pleasure and it is feeling good in YOUR body... it is THAT quality of touch that feels best to HER.


Because instead of trying to make her feel turned on... she can respond to your joy and pleasure you are experiencing of her... this is what I mean by "leading" a woman sexually... she responds to you enjoying yourself enjoying her.

And it works the other way round too when you the woman are totally enjoying yourself enjoying him... your man will be really turned on!

I often find myself discussing this total shift in their thinking with my clients about changing his or her focus in their touch to his or her own pleasure and many raise their belief that doing this was selfish... I work with them to shift their focus of experiencing pleasure to themselves and when they make this shift... they experience a real difference to how their lover responds to them.

An example when working with a couple and their experience.

"I used my nipples on the sole of his feet and I really enjoy the nipple stimulation I was feeling... I watched my mans erection became rock hard... I was so excited enjoy myself and watching him... feeling him become so turned on."

So the next time you are with your partner... invite them to do a simple sexuality exercise. 

If you are a man... tell her you are going to touch the inside of her arm from fingers to elbow and focus on trying to give HER pleasure and to turn her on and watch and sense how she reacts...  then touch her with the focus on enjoying yourself touching her... stroke her arm with your full attention on making it feel good for you... take in the pleasure from the feelings and sensations under your fingers of enjoying yourself... enjoying her.

Now... ask her which type of touch felt best for her.

I have actually done this with a woman on a first meet up with her... I was totally enjoying myself enjoying her and found this really started a strong sexual vibe running between us both. 

So why does this type of touch work?

When you touch for your pleasure... you are present in your body and not thoughts in your head... trying to make the other person do what you want them to do.

Most women are very sensitive to this and call the sexual experience of this man as being present... when a man is more present and in his pleasure... he does not want to change his lover in anyway and woman respond by relaxing and this actually feels so much better for them.

And this works for women too with men... although men can have a more difficult time letting go of being in control and just relaxing into being present.

Once you have practised this type of touch on the arms... try it on the breasts the next time you make love... really enjoy the softness and femininity of your lovers breasts... and yes ladies when you totally let go and enjoy yourself in enjoying your man... you will experience a very different man ravishing you!

As ever... always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

For Love... Passion and Intimacy.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright kick arse person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for any problems you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe... a DYNAMIC Lifer and if you want to share with a friend a writing... please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via e mail by directly joining The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers The DYNAMIC Express Magazine... I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.

Dynamic Life Development Systems 

Personal Development Academy