Do You Wreck Things On Purpose?
By Ange Fonce
Which is more satisfying to you.
Breaking something or watching someone else do the breaking?
When you sense a job or a "relationship" is going wrong... do you act out and make things worse... in the moment?
It might "feel" like it is better to get fired for something you did than to get laid off.
It might "feel" like it is better to end a "relationship" and dump the other person then be dumped yourself.
When a partnership hits some bumps... it is tempting to keep score... push back on everything and get ready to fight... it is natural... you want to survive... it is the law of the Jungle... and fear drives you causing the "actual change" that you fear.
A challenging project... employee or "relationship situation" is easier to avoid than it is to work on.
Yet... what about the Laws of Relationship?
Leaning in... stepping into the heart of the situation... is really difficult when you sense that there is nothing to catch you, and it seems there is nothing to work toward...there is no safety net!
It is a lot easier to act out... sabotage and take control of something that feels out of your control.
Sole Agency is precious... the "feeling" that you are in control.... is a natural survival mechanism.
Where agency backfires is when you get caught in the death spiral of "bad choices" and "actions" leading to "negative reactions"... which cause you to make more "bad choices" and take more "bad actions" and everything gets broken in the process.
You are no longer "reasoning" to make the situation better... "thinking through options"... you are reacting through "feelings to survive."
It is like a inexperienced pilot who is flying an unfamiliar aircraft... who either from his own mistakes or events beyond his control... finds himself in a flat spin... and being unable to regain control of his aircraft... panics and ejects to survive.
Thus the aircraft crashes and breaks... possibly doing a huge amount of damage in the process.
While another pilot who is an experienced flyer can find himself in the same situation and act with "control" and "reason"... stays with the situation... "knowing" when to pull the stick... kick and apply rudder until the aircraft starts flying again... then apply thrust... so avoiding the crash and devastation.
Sure the aircraft might break... despite his best efforts... anything could happen.
Yet... that does not mean you have to be the one to break it.
When you have tried everything you "know" within "reason"... and is humanly possible... and it still does not work.
Then you have earned the right to walk away with pride and respect... "knowing" you did not "break" it.
Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!
Yours Sincerely
Ange is an Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own life and wealth!
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