Do You Send Out Mixed Signals To Others?

BY Ange Fonce

Have you ever been accused of sending a mixed signal to someone? 

You know... you think you are being very clear with your message... yet somehow the person that you are talking to interprets things in a completely different way. 

It actually occurs more often than you might think and there is a reasonable explanation for this and it has to do with that old primal brain that you have. 

You see when we humans were part of other animals food chain... we had to be on alert constantly to make sure that we were not going to be lunch for some carnivore... now a days we do not have to think of this too much and the survival mechanism in your brain still has a job to do... to keep you protected and safe. 

And so because the risks to your life may be somewhat reduced in todays society... although a case could be made that our society is just as dangerous today... your brain is still wired to pick up on certain signals. 

So for example... if you are trying to tell someone that everything is alright and your eyes are red and puffy and you make little eye contact... their brain will pick up on these cues and if there is a big discrepancy between the words that someone uses and their body language or the way that they look that is going to set off a tiny red flag in your brain

It will not necessarily trigger the flight... fright or freeze reaction and this discrepancy will get noticed and you have probably experienced this yourself. 

Have you ever met someone who wants you to trust them by telling you to trust them... yet for some reason you pick up on other signals that give you that feeling that the person is not maybe so trustworthy? 

That is that survival mechanism kicking in and the worst thing that you can do is ignore it. 

So how does this relate to influencing and persuading others? 

Well your job as a persuader is to not set off those alarms that we all carry around with us and there is another point to consider when connecting with people in building rapport and trust and create the environment where others drop their guard. 


What is WIIFM you might be asking? 

That stands for "What's In It For Me" and you have to address this if you want to influence or persuade others... because Me is the one critical thing that our old primal brain responds to when it comes to decision making and speaking of the primal brain... it is not complex and does not interpret complex things at all... so if you are really interested in getting through to people with your suggestions... requests... you better have it tightly focused into one idea that is simple to communicate and simple to understand. 

And here is a simple mistake many people make... they try to attract everyone and it does not work like that... because if you try to attract everyone then you will attract no one... you need to focus your message on the people for whom the message is relevant and it is not going to be relevant for everyone. 

Do you want to see a good message being delivered that is extremely focused

Then check out the latest commercials on television that target teens and smoking... they are brutal and effective and cut right to the core about what the message is. 

And when you compare these commercials to the "Just say no to smoking" from back in the 80s... well there is no comparison. 

These latest commercials feature long term smokers who in may cases talk through a hole in their throat and there is one in particular where a lady shows how she gets ready in the morning to go out... she puts her wig on because she has no hair... she puts her false teeth in... presumably because smoking has messed up her teeth... she still speaks through the hole in her throat... due to the cancer caused by the cigarettes. 

It is very visceral and cuts right to the core of that old primal brain which is primarily concerned with survival... basically saying... 

"This shit will kill you!" 

Now that is a powerful message! 

So what is my point with all of this? 

If you are trying to influence and persuade others... 

1... stick with one message 

2... keep it simple to understand 

3... make it simple to communicate 

4... have some 'bite' to it 

Now I realize that these smoking commercials specifically use fear like fear of talking through a hole in your throat... fear of cancer... fear of death to communicate their message and in this instance it is appropriate. 

And you do not have to use fear to get others to take action or stop them from taking certain actions

What else could you use for motivation


And we shall be covering desire in the future. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... noun

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