Do You Know The Mistakes You Make
In Beating A Dead Horse?

By Ange Fonce

Smiles... no I am not talking about actually beating a dead horse... in this article I want to share with you how to avoid making major mistakes when it comes to persuading someone to do what you want.

And although this is not the only reason why people may not follow through on your suggestions... this is certainly a big one... and it has to do with trying to “convince” someone using your frame of reference and not theirs.

Let me give you an example...

Let us suppose that you are a car salesperson and you are speaking with a client who is looking into buying a new car.

They have been eyeing a new sports car... so immediately you go over and speak to them and based on the car that they are looking at... you begin to talk about how fast the car can go and break into stories about how one of your past customers is never late to any meetings because his new car gets him to where he wants to go lightning fast and how another one of your customers actually outran a police car and got himself out of a ticket.

And they do not buy the car from you.

Because what they were interested in was whether or not the car was safe... they already know that it is fast... that is why they are looking at the sports car in the first place... they want to know whether it is safe.

So you can flap your gums all you want about how fast the car is and you are not going to get them to buy.

Another example:.. and please do not do this for real... I am only using this as an example.

Now... suppose you are out for the night social courting and you are in a club and you want to meet someone.

You see a beautify woman and approach her... she asks you what brings you to the club and you begin telling her that you are looking for your soulmate... someone you can settle down with and have kids with and build a life with.

Then you ask about her.

She just ended a 3 year relationship with a controlling boyfriend and she is not looking to get tied down and just wants someone fun to hang out with.

Can you see the mismatch here?

Chances are you will not be going home with her tonight.

So how do you combat this problem? 

How do you figure out what their most important value is and align it with what you are requesting them to do?

Because when you know this... it makes it much easier to influence and persuade that individual because you are speaking the same language. 

So how do you go about finding out what someones most important value is? 

It is simple... you ask. 

So going back to the examples I have used above... if you were trying to sell someone a new sports car... one of the first things that you could ask is... 

“So Mr. or Ms. Car Buyer... what is the most important to you about buying a sports car?” 

And then they answer you. 

Now chances are they may not give you the right answer... that is not to say that they are lying to you... they may have a sense about what is important to them... yet they may not have put a lot of thought into it until you asked the question... so if they give you an answer and you are not convinced... you can always check it out by asking them a follow up question

So let us pretend Ms. Car Buyer says that the most important thing to her is the price... now you could say to her something like this...

“So if I understand you right... you are saying that the most important thing to you is the price of the car and not the safety... what about reliability or how long the car will last on the road?” 

Now if she stays with the know what her most important value is... yet if she says... 

“Well no... safety is important to me too.” 

And now you have an idea of what else is important to the buyer... you could then go on to compare safety versus price... to get a better idea of where she stands on each of those values

And in this particular example... once you have identified the most important value... then you can start talking about the car through that particular lens... so if our buyer sticks with price as her number one value... you can talk about the latest rebate that the manufacturer is offering and how that coincides with a special sale that you have going on right now... etc. 

If she states that after comparing the two... even though she started off with the price as her initial answer... she feels that safety is her number one priority... then you would frame the car as the safest sports car in the industry and how it has a 5 star safety rating... etc. 

Of course you would want to emphasize these qualities only if they are true... otherwise you come off as just someone blowing smoke or being really deceptive or manipulative... which is not cool. 

This just one example of how to do this and you can certainly apply this to a wide range of subjects... like... 

“What is the most important thing to you about being in a relationship?” 

“What is the most important thing to you about completing this project?” 

“What do you look for when you are meeting up with someone for the first time?” 

Makes sense to you? 

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely


Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... computers... books... writing... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright "kick arse" person

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange CLICK HERE

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