Do You Display Arrogance Instead Of Personal Confidence

To Influence Others? 

By Ange Fonce 

Rather than trying to impress and influence individuals through your words... impress and influence them through your actions.

We all know arrogance when we see it... I certainly do. 

I employ a method if I get a hint that a client may be totally over confident to the point of dismissing others in an arrogant way.

Because during an hours meeting or two... it is easy for some of my clients to mask a trait or tendency which I work to coax it out.

Unfortunately most arrogant people do not see their swagger as a failure... in their minds they replace arrogance with confidence. 

Healthy Personal Confidence is great and charming in influencing and persuading others... whereas arrogance goes hand in hand with sleaziness and creates resistance and reactance in others.

Understanding someone who is confident is easy... yet from there for some men and women it is a short step to full on arrogance and it is hard for them to understand that. 
All I do is ask a few questions...

"Have you ever failed at something and would you like to tell me about it?"

"If you have never failed at something... what do you think would happen if you did?"

"What are you really good at and would you tell me about it?"

"If I ask 5 people to start a group with you... what one thing would you be teaching them in the first year?"

"Are you confident in your abilities and what do you think is your best ability?" 

"Would you tell me about your most recent job related performance feedback?"

I will ask any one or two of those above questions and I can get a hint that my client may be too secure in their ability to succeed as clients answers will vary and there are commonalities for those who think too highly of themselves. 

Body posture is a key indicator too and so is the overuse of lingo.

Too much lingo means either...

A... A new client has been over coaching themselves in preparation for our meeting.

B... They are trying to talk over my head to impress or intimidate me. 

This cause is usually the latter... which is a good indicator of arrogance.

And "A" as an indicator is a little trickier to analyse because there are valid reasons for a client to be certain that coaching is right for them in their personal development... what I usually find is the arrogant people are big on talk and appearance and small on action and lacking any form of inner confidence... because often at the root cause of arrogance is what I call false confidence... arrogance is used to mask an individuals insecurities and vulnerabilities.

Because did you know that over confident and arrogant men and women usually tend to be the least successful people in life... career and relationships.

Individual Personal Confidence

Personal confidence is defined as the ability to trust your own decisions and instincts and you are also accepting of your own and others vulnerabilities.

Men and women that posses healthy personal confidence are often successful... focused and flexible individuals who can handle any situation life may throw at them.... a personally confident individual knows that he or she has the potential to take on the world and come out on top as the actions of a personally confident individual naturally make people that surround them intensely aware of this characteristic.

People that are personally confident prove it by their actions... not by their words. 

If you find yourself constantly trying to impress friends... family... co workers or superiors by stating your personal confidence... you have clearly crossed the line into arrogance... the differences between these two attributes vary tremendously and the line regarding the actions and attitudes of these attributes is thinly veiled as often those individuals who are usually remarkably personally confident can cross the line into clear arrogance without knowledge and typically without consideration.

If your family... friends... co workers or superiors see you as arrogant... all the positive attributes of your personal confidence has been summarily thrown out the window... rather than trying to impress individuals through your words... impress them through your actions as the old adage says... 

"Actions speak louder than words." 

Is quite evident in this case and should be regarded literally because who are you more likely to trust... 

An individual who makes outrageous claims and boasts or an individual who can prove he or she can successfully execute the task at hand and they conduct themselves with authenticity and integrity... they do what they say they are going to do and get it done... their words and actions are congruent with each other.

A personally confident man or woman seems more trustworthy and will be highly valued because they are able to get the job done without feeling the need to brag about a completed project or a new conquest. 

If you are not sure whether you come across others as a personally confident individual or an arrogant person who makes self aggrandizing claims and cannot produce the declared results... be sure to check with your friends... co workers or family members and carefully select your audience members because choosing certain individuals with biased opinions... such as a parent... may skew the results of your self survey.

If you are finding that you come across as arrogant instead of polished and personally confident... sit down with yourself and invest time to rethink your method of approach to other people... instead of bragging about your personal conquests... find a way to spotlight someone elses work... take on a task that requires group input and begin working as a fully fledged team member.

Are You Aware In HOW You Communicate?

Carefully think about your statements when speaking with a friend... family member or colleague and do not bombard them with negative comments or off centre critiques and one up man ship which you only speak highly of yourself. 

Begin the process of transforming your arrogance into personal confidence and think of personal confidence as knowing that you can complete a goal and will get it done and think of arrogance as telling everyone you will be able to complete that goal in a taunting or boastful manner. 

Imagine working toward reshaping your arrogant manners into personal confidence by electing to take on tasks or goals that you have not successfully completed before... instead of easily tackling the same project branch out and try something unrelated... because real personal confidence will allow you to begin and finish this project without worrying about your abilities in any area.

Invest more time on acquiring your goals and making them happen... than boasting about your so called successes... because once you have successfully made the transformation from self serving arrogance to personal confidence... you can have the opportunity to live your life in a new fashion.

If your arrogant ways have insulted or belittled people in the past... strive to make amends of the situation... turn over a new leaf and work to remain personally confident without crossing over the boundary into self serving arrogance again as you will soon find possessing an attribute like personal confidence will get you far in the quest to complete your goals and people will cease sneering at you behind your back.

You will be appreciated and liked... instead of being avoided and reviled.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe... a DYNAMIC Lifer and if you want to share with a friend a writing... please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via e mail by directly joining The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers...I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.