Do YOU Connect? 3 Ways To Improve Your Communication Skills 

By Ange Fonce

It is a common paradox among men and women who want to connect... and we want more friends and we are aching for connection and intimacy... and yet... we find ourselves lonely and even worse... scared to connect.

So if connecting with other human beings is something you feel you would like to achieve more... here are some useful tips you can learn and put into action...

1... Be more focused on being present with the person than with your image. 

Do you care more about saying the “right” thing or the “witty” thing... you are more concerned with not saying or doing the “wrong” thing and presenting a “perfect” image of yourself... than you are with actually “building” connections with people?
To connect well and be good at socializing... you must value connecting more than you value looking good... to connect well and be good at socializing... you must value connecting more than you value perfection.

Because perfection does not equate to Personal Connection. 

The very nature of human interaction is that you will make mistakes... maybe you will look stupid to some people...  misunderstand someone or have someone misunderstand you... and say something that is not in sync with that person... it happens... often.

The nature of connecting with men and women is that it is not perfect... the power of your “presence”... other wise known as “charisma”... is more important then perfection.... so gift others with your full presence... because when you are fully present... you will be able to respond and connect... and be in tune with what is needed in that situation with other people... rather than doing what makes you ‘look good’ or sound smart.

What is the point of presenting a great “image” to the world... if there is little  no “communication”  to add “depth” and substance to who you are? 

2... Instead of being open and approachable you discriminate who you want to connect with.

Connecting with human beings is not a process of elimination... you cannot always eliminate people who are not “worthy” of your attention without even acknowledging them or speaking to them first.

To become great at connecting, and creating rapport with people, you must be able to connect or create even a base level of rapport with people you do not think are worthy of your time... or whom you feel you do not have anything in common with.

Sure... some people you will connect with... and they will have so little value to add that you will be bored out of your mind when you spend time with them... some people you will try to connect with... and they will be nasty... rude or judgemental of you... some people just want to complain... and you probably do not fell like you want to be around people like that.

Connecting with all different people makes you more as a man or woman… the point here is not to force yourself to become best friends with... or connect with people who are a drain to connect with... the point is for you to be curious about people and about connecting... so that you connect with more people... and so that you ultimately learn more... and become better at connecting... and so that you can have a greater appreciation of everyone you meet.

You do not become great at socializing by connecting only with those people who are like you or who do not challenge your comfort zone... the skill of connection and creating rapport is not discriminatory... you need to practice... and practice more... and I will say it again... practice.

We all prefer to spend most of our time with people who are most like us... and there is nothing wrong with that... yet being able to connect deeply with people in social situations requires that you are able to... and most importantly... “willing” to create rapport with anybody.

So... just because you have a PHD does not mean you cannot connect with a person who works at McDonald’s and who cannot spell very well... just because you choose to remain celibate before marriage... does not mean you cannot value connecting with someone who thinks sex before marriage is fine.

Just because you are polite and well mannered does not mean you cannot connect with someone who seems curt and to the point... just because your net worth is 10 million does not mean you cannot connect with someone who makes 50,000 a year.

You never know who you may “connect” with... if you do not make the effort.

3...  Instead of being curious or caring about people you spend more time judging people.

OK... I will be honest here... I have judged people before... and so have you... and other people are making judgements about you... does not mean you and I have to continue doing it all the time, though!

The problem is that when you and I judge others... we cannot connect with them... and that is our loss.

I go by the knowing that no matter who it is... no matter how they present... no matter how much they have offended me... I always have a world to learn from everyone I meet... if I really want to learn and become not only more as a Man... I become more of a Human Being too.
Not long ago a woman... left a long comment on my Facebook page... and wrote all sorts of things about how horrible I was... and how little I knew about the world... and how I was living in a fake world and that I basically knew nothing... and stop writing fairy stories etc, etc... giving me one long and angry lecture.

People seem to assume that if you are happy and have a positive out look to life...  that you have never experienced any deep pain or had any painful experiences like they have... which is of course is untrue... that you know nothing!

I realized that behind all this is probably a woman who is hurting... so by replying to her anger from a calm place and getting her engaged  and to open up... and to “communicate” with me through e mail... instead of Facebook... I found out that she was very angry... and she could not open herself to any men... or anyone for that matter... because her and her sister were both repeatedly raped when they were little girls... and that her sister had actually died of causes relating to the rape.

That is powerful stuff... and by building “trust” with her... she worked with me as her therapist and has been able to do a lot of self healing and happiness back in her life.

In return for my gesture... and patience... I built a “connection” with her and she  she gave me her gift... the gift of trusting me with her story... and the gift of connection.

Connecting only with the people who are “like” you makes you a scared little kitten sitting in the corner... who learns nothing.

The more you connect with people when it makes you feel uncomfortable... the more you will also be able to connect with the people who mean the most to you... because the more "compassion" you develop... the more "empathy" you will develop.

This does not mean you have to like everybody... or be friends with everybody... it is good to have passion... and we do have things we greatly dislike as well as things that you love... so do you need to restrict yourself and be doomed to feeling lonely and insignificant because of your own inhibitions.

Remember that we all have a lot more in common with each other than we think... the problem is that we all also have a need to feel significant... different from others... to feel important and special. 

And there is a “connection”... we ALL share!

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... who works with men and women on line and real world who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own life and wealth!

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