Confidence In Effective Communication Can Save the Day 

By Ange Fonce

Conflict... disagreements and confrontations are tough and can ruin your mood... your day... and even your relationships. 

Whether it is a friend... lover... a boss... a family member... someone on the street... or even within yourself... it feels awful.

Conflict is not easy and can very quickly steal your "confidence" right out from under you. 

We all have to deal with it almost every day to some degree. 

Being able to navigate through it without wasting time... energy or personal esteem is important... right?

I will share with you a 4 step method for handling conflict while maintaining your "confidence" and before we get into the process... let us look at four common conflicts you can relate to in relationships.

Conflict Scenario One...

Your micro managing... know it all boss is breathing down your neck and you are sick and tired of his or hers childish power games... so how do you stick up for yourself... get respect... and maintain harmony and keep your job?

Conflict Scenario Two...

Your lover keeps pulling some codependent... guilt trip manipulation tactics... on you and you want it to stop before it gets worse and ruins the relationship... what do you do to balance things out without causing an argument or giving in?

Conflict Scenario Three...

Your guys... girls night out friend always seems to have things their way and you end up doing the activities they want to do... how do you get to call the shots sometimes without it being a fight or risk being rejected?

Conflict Scenario Four...

You are on the phone with Mum or Dad and they go into their typical lecture mode or they spew out a bunch of fear based negativity that drains your energy.

How can you have a conversation without being rail roaded or turning it into a battle of personalities?

Basic Idea... 

Be heard respected and honoured without having to push... force... threaten... or trick the other person and get what you want and need... while satisfying their wants and needs.

Result = Win... Win!

Use The E C H O  Approach

I like to create systems and methods that are easy to use... remember...  replicate and are universally applicable.

E C H O is a 4 step communication method for alternative communication styles to build co empowered relationships

Let me break it down…

E = Empathize

C = Clarify

H = Honour

O = Offer

1...  Empathize...

Repeat back what you think you heard and understood... do it in a non judgemental way so as to prevent them from becoming defensive.

People... including you need to feel heard and understood... and it is your job to make that happen. 

Empathy is simply showing and or telling someone that you "get" where they are at... what they want... need, etc.

This alone can dissolve any conflict.

2... Clarify...

Ask a clarifying question or two so as to be sure you know what they really want and need in the moment.

Many people are unclear and confused about the end result that they are aiming for and you can help them clarify it by asking two simple questions...

A... "So you want to do... go... have... right?"

B... "What is the end result you are looking for?"

Notice that question "A" is clarifying the action... event... activity... etc.

And question "B" clarifies what they really want and need.

3... Honour...

Honour the fact that what you helped clarify is what they want and need right now.

No matter how selfish... irrational... silly... unproductive... or conflicting it is to you... it is a part of their wants and needs. 

Just like you... they have their own view points... preferences... and prerogatives. 

Making them wrong is a sure fire way to cause argument and discord... and by honouring their authentic wants and needs verbally builds trust and puts them at ease.

4... Offer...

Offer an alternative or second option that might allow both of you to get what you want and need.

The easiest way is to ask...

"If I can offer you an alternative that gets you what you want and need... are you open to hearing it?"

Then make the offer... I suggest you follow the steps above on paper as a practice run.

Next time you have a situation where there is a disagreement or conflict... instead of just giving in... whining about it... or blowing up and getting defensive... try using the E C H O approach and see what happens.

Remember... application and action is key. 

Nothing changes until you do something different.

What are your thoughts and ideas on dealing with conflict situations that you can solve so you both have the WIN WIN?  

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 


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