Are You Too Nice? 

By Ange Fonce 

Now that is a difficult question to answer... now let us consider that you are a “nice guy” or “nice girl” and you answered “yes”... the next question is how much is it “costing you”... especially in your “ability” to “influence” and “persuade” others? 

The reason I ask is because being “too nice” can have a “major detrimental” effect on your “ability” to have any kind "authority" or “influence” in “relating” to others. 
Why... how come it matters? 

Because when you are “too nice”... when you let the “little things” go... when you constantly “bend over backwards” to “appease” other people... the majority of the time... they do not take you "seriously"... or have little or no “respect” for you... and it is hard to “exert” your “influence” on someone or "persuade" anyone when they do not take you “seriously”... or have "no respect" for you... and there is a bigger “underlying issue”... why is it that you are being “too nice” to others? 

One reason could be that it is important to you that others think that you are “nice”... and there is nothing wrong with that... except when it becomes a “need” for “approval”... we all act differently when we “need”... and it is that “neediness” that can be easily taken advantage of. 

Now let me be clear about something... when I say that you are being “too nice”... and the way to counteract that is to not be “too nice”... I am no way suggesting that you be mean to others... in other words... you do not have to mean if you think you are being “too nice” now. 

You can be just as polite... cordial... well mannered and professional as you always are... "confident" men and women are "nice" they are not "needy"... the key is to “understand” and “know" the difference between being “needy” and “nice”... the "habit" of being “too nice” could be “undermining” your “influence" and "credibility.” 

What it gets down to is that being “too nice” is often a symptom of an “underlying condition” of wanting to please everybody... “people pleasing”... which is related to “insecurity”... and lack of “esteem”... which in turn manifest itself as “neediness”... if you are the one who is always making “concessions”... who is always trying to “smooth things over”... who is always “sacrificing something” for others... you better start to address this “self destructive” behaviour  because it will not serve you at all... and you will end up "stressing" and "burning yourself out." 

Let me give you an example. 

Let us say you are supposed to meet someone for a meeting at 9:00 am... when you arrive at their office the secretary tells you that Mr. Big Shot is running 30 minutes late and will not be able to see you until 9:30. 

What do you do? 

If your first instinct is to smooth things over and “make things right” by making the secretary “feel better” or Mr. Big Shot... then you might be a victim for this “too nice” thinking... what could you say to the secretary to let her “know” that your “time” is just as “valuable” as Mr. Big Shots? 

“Ms. Secretary... I understand that things come up that are sometimes out of our control... unfortunately I do not have time to sit around for a half hour waiting... when Mr. Big Shot comes in could you have him give me a call so we can reschedule?” 

And the "next meeting" that you "schedule" is one in which Mr. Big Shot "comes to you." 

Do you have the “reputation” of being the man or woman who always has “free time” on their hands to do stuff? 

Whether it is around the office... with your friends or even with your family. 

How does this simple thing “relate” to your “ability” to “influence” and “persuade” anyone? 

If you are the man or woman who others “perceive” to have all of the time in the world on their hands with nothing else to do... do you “think” they look at you as an “authority?” 

Now what is the solution? 

Tighten up your time... 

Do not be willing to drop whatever you are doing at a moments notice to follow someone elses “agenda”... am I saying that you should never help anyone out again? 

Of course not... you just do not want to be “known” as the man or woman who is “always available” all of the “time” because you have “nothing” else going on... you have “no life” of your own you are “living” and “creating.” 

One of the fastest ways to establish your “authority” is being able to ask “qualifying questions” without coming across as rude or obnoxious... these “questions” essentially take the pressure off of you and throw it back on to the person who asked you a question. 

When done “skilfully” they can instantly “elevate your status” and put you in the position of “authority” in any conversation.

And if you would like to “know” more about “how” to build “authority” of “influence” that "persuades” others to say “yes” to you... please do Contact me.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist who works with men and women on line and real world who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth!

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