Are You Talking Negative Polarity?

By Ange Fonce

Resolution Not Conflict 

Are you aware that the very way you talk and the tonality of your voice can cause depression...   not only in yourself... you can cause depression in others too.

The very content of what you are talking about can be depressive!

How often have you watched the news or read the paper and in this modern age of the internet. 

All you read is negative content?

All that negative content 24/7... 365 days a year is being soaked up subconsciously by you.

You may not be aware of it.

That the very "speech patterns" you use. 

Can be the cause of "depression" in yourself and others. 

Some Points To Positive Communication!

Speaking with each other is one of the main ways that people connect. 

Hurtful speech patterns when you talk with your spouse, friends... children, or boss can result in one of you feeling devalued... dismissed... or disempowered. 

When that happens you can be pretty sure that depression will begin to hover like a black cloud within and over the receiver.

What kinds of speaking habits demoralize the person who is receiving them? 

Here is 3 big ones to look out for... either as a giver or as a receiver. 

I call them them the 3 Dumbo's... being Deprecating... Demanding... and Dismissive.

1... Deprecating words or tone of voice...

Even the slightest tone of sarcasm or irritation can cast a pall on the person toward whom the comments were directed. 

To whom do you sometimes speak with a negative edge in your voice? 

Kids? 

Pets? 

Employees? 

Spouse? 

Lover?

Friend? 

Team mates?

From whom have you received words accompanied by a "you dummy" or other names with a negative tone of voice?

2. Demanding...

Requests invite willingness in response. 

Demands invite resistance. 

No one including children... generally wants to be told what to do. 

There are exceptions to this rule. 

In an emergency... just about everyone is happy to have one person take charge and bark out orders. 

Most of our lives however... we are living in non emergency situations. 

Cooperation feels good... dictatorship is depressing. 

Even children are people... not puppets.

When you feel that you have to submit to someone or something more powerful, dominating over you... the by product of the submission will generally be aggression leading to depression. 

Whom do you sometimes tell to do things? 

Do you make demands or do you ask via requests?

When have you felt that someone was telling you what to do in a way that felt over powering and dismisive rather than collaborative and empowering?

3... Dismissive...

"Yes... but." 

 Dismisses the words just spoken. 

"That is not right because."

Negates what was said.

When you issue "Yes, but" or "No, that is not" responses... you are using the equivalent of the backspace delete key on your computer. 

Beware... unless your intention is to induce negativity and depression in the person you are talking with.

When you experience that words you have just spoken are being deleted wit... "but... no... or it is not." 

You are facing the receiver end of dismissiveness. 

Odds are you will be tempted to counter attack. 

You may get defensive in order to keep the information you were trying to share on the table. 

Or you may give up. 

Giving up on getting your words heard and taken seriously results in the disempowered feeling of depression and resentment.

Who sometimes tells you things that you are quick to dismiss or ignore?

Who tends to disagree with you or dismiss what you say instead of taking it seriously? 

How do you then feel?

So What Is The Bottom Line? 

Pay attention to speech patterns. 

The 3 Ds of deprecating... demanding and dismissive forms of speech have depressogenic... or depression causingconsequences. 

If you have been issuing any of the 3-D's in your speech patterns, you would do yourself a great deal of good by cleaning up your act. 

If 2 of the 3 Ds are present, take serious action to change how you speak and think. 

If all three are present in your relationship... ACT NOW to make sure you change the habits as soon as possible.

Deprecating. 

Instead of allowing yourself to speak in deprecating tones... listen to the attitude that your voice conveys. 

Keep it respectful.

Demanding.

Instead of telling others what you want them to do, ask how they would feel about doing it. 

If it is a child or employee... issue a request, e.g...

"Could you clear the table please?" 

To an equal give them the option of saying no or explaining their concerns...

"I would love help with ..."

"I would like help with..."  

"How would you feel about doing it?" 

"What do you think about this?"

Dismissing...

Instead of ignoring or rejecting what you hear because as you listened you were focused on what is wrong with what the person was saying... focus on what you agree with. 

Look for the common ground that you both share and comment first on that. 

Then afterwards you can always add...

"And at the same time."

The short answer though is that if you want to avoid a depressive collapse... or create resentment and in others.

Respond in any way other than giving up and feeling bad. 

Dominant... submissive interactions produce depression. 

If you do not take a submissive position in response to your partners deprecating tone of voice... demands and dismissiveness... you may feel frustrated or want to exit the situation.
 
Go for it.

Better to remove yourself from a "negative" situation, by taking "positive" action.

Then remain there feeling angry... resentful and ultimately... DEPRESSED!

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely




Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist who works with men and women on line and real world who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth!

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