Are You in Control or are You Controlled in Your Life

And Relationships? 

By Ange Fonce

The search for Freedom is often what life is  ultimately about... freedom from the thoughts of self doubt and low personal esteem...  the freedom from oppressive environments and relationships... the freedom of a satisfying career and the freedom to create your life as you desire your life to be... the  freedom to be yourself which applies to both men and women.

Freedom for the your self means freedom from domination by addictions or negative self sabotaging behaviours and the freedom to rise above the effects of fears that keep you from becoming all you are capable of being. 

These fears take the form of destructive emotions and thoughts... such as anger... worry... selfishness... jealousy... envy... hate... repression... greed... possessiveness... anxiety... guilt... inhibitions... arrogance... malice... resentment... blame and then there are the fears... such as the fear of intimacy... love... responsibility and even fear of being successful... because you fear failing.

It is no fun living your life being controlled by fear based emotions and thoughts... in fact it is mentally depressing and has a great impact by draining your physical health too. 

So what would happen if instead you possessed what I call an abundance mindset where you are Master of your thoughts and emotions and you create the life you wanted to live... instead of living life in what I call living in a poverty mindset... controlled and enslaved to your destructive emotions and thoughts?

Can you imagine how you would think and feel being FREE from that poverty mindset?

In practice this would be a matter never getting upset by circumstances or the actions of others... never judging others and totally accepting what is and possessing a Dynamic Abundant Mind Set to deal with anything that comes you way and also create what you want to create!

Easier said than done of course... it takes an investment of time... commitment and effort to create that new abundant mindset to transform the old poverty mindset... after all you have lived years with a destructive mindset and rewiring your brain does not happen overnight... I want to share with you  a conversation that took place between myself and one of my clients. 

Here Is The Response From A Client

“How is anyone ever going to rise above all the fear based emotions?” 

Asked Jennifer a pretty blond woman in her thirties...

“Well... it certainly will not happen unless you give it importance and set it as a goal.” 

I said... 

“It can only result from the expanded awareness of self actualized outcome based thinking... change takes time... you have to work at it.”

Jennifer replied...

“But it is such a difficult task... why even bother?”

I explained to her...

“Because your life will work better and be better in direct relationship to your ability to rise above the fears... even a little effort at understanding will result in improvements.”

She said to me...

“I am sure you would claim fighting with my husband is based on fear?” 

I replied to her...

“Sure... you want approval or control or you would not fight... both actions are manifestations of the fear of not getting what you want.”

She queried...

“I don’t understand?”

So I explained...

“You want your husband to approve of your actions or reaction or you want to control his actions or reactions... he wants the same thing.”

“I want him to stop criticizing me.”

“You want to control his actions.”

“Well... I guess so... if that is what it takes to get him to stop.”

“You make my point Jennifer... now let us take this a little further and explore it from a self actualized viewpoint... is your husband normally a critical person?”

“Yes... he is always been critical of everything and everybody.”

“Always... then do you think he is going to change?”

“No not really.”

“You married him... knowing that he was a critical person?”

“Yes... but ...”

“Do you want out of the marriage?”

“No... I love him.”

“Okay... do you understand you cannot change another person... he has to want to change and be willing work at it... that does not sound too likely... although I would suggest that you calmly express your needs in this area and for the moment if you do not think he will change and you are upset by the criticism... it sounds to me like it is up to you to change how you respond to your husband.”


She said... while thinking through what I had suggested...

“What if your husband were married to a different woman... a woman named Sally who looked different and did the same basic things you do... would he be critical of her?”

“Yes... I know he would.”

“Then the real problems is that you are taking the criticism personally... most problems in life are not resolved by an actual change... it by the change in our “personal viewpoint”... if you could develop being “detached” from the emotions and mastering how you respond... you would stop taking things personally... you would know someone else reaction to you... good or bad is a viewpoint based upon their past programming and conditioning... it has nothing to do with you the way they relate to you is the way they would relate to anyone who represented to them what you represent... in this case your husband is a man who would criticize any wife.”

“So... I have to change my thinking and how I respond.

“If you want to end the conflict... let go of your own old conditioning about the reality of the situation... your reality exists as a manifestation of your viewpoint... if you let your husbands criticism flow through you without affecting you... you will change the effects of your conditioned fear... if you can do that you will no longer have a problem... although nothing about the problem situation will have changed...  except you will have changed your viewpoint and created a new response to it and because you are now in“control as to how you choose to respond to your husbands criticism... he will eventually get he can no longer push your hot buttons to which you use to react too... you have broke the cycle of taking the criticism by taking outcome based actions for yourself.”

“Maybe I could learn some persuasion and influence techniques too.” 

She said smiling.

“Good idea.”

You can never change other people unless they decide to change for themselves...  yet you do have the power to make change for yourselves in our own life and often when you change... your changing has a big influence on others too and how they respond to you.

And when you have that presence that ability of being confident and trusting in who YOU are persuading in influencing other people to saying yes to you becomes a lot more effective.... you can then be a positive influence on those people you love and care for... your friends and those who you work with.

And it requires one really crucial element in any form of personal development and even more so in your relationships.

You take ACTION and you make the CHANGES happen!

Many can "talk the talk" and talk a good talk and that is all it will ever be... just talk and nothing more and they will stay stuck being controlled by their emotions and the fears of their own conditioned poverty mindset.

When you are one of those men and women who make the choice to change... you are then taking ACTION to dynamically personally develop your self and take CONTROL of MASTERING your own life... you WALK THE WALK by possessing your own ABUNDANT MINDSET... which you use to create and MASTER the life you want to live!

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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