Posted by ANGE FONCE on Friday, January 6, 2017 Under: Dynamic Relationships Intimacy Sex Men & Women
Are You Aware of These 8 Media Relationship Myths?
By Ange Fonce
Imagine when you think a relationship should be a certain way... you watch the TV... you read magazines and you are being told it should be a certain way and yours is not and frustration sets in.
Because frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship... which then builds up acid resentment which slowly destroys your relationships... that is why it is so critical to bust these myths and misconceptions.
Here are 8 media myths about relationships that might surprise you as to how misleading they are.
A good relationship means that you do
have to work at it
have to work at it
Fact... The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work and when you look at our culture... education system and parenting styles... we are not prepared for the fact that even healthy relationships take a lot of effort because a healthy relationship is like a good garden.
It is a beautiful thing and you would not expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labour and tender loving care... now how do you know if you are working too hard on a relationship?
One sign is if you are feeling unhappy more than you are happy... in other words are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat more than enjoying it?
This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch and more like the normal state of affairs and your relationship on a deeper level becomes neglected and another negative sign is if you are trying hard to make improvements and changes and you do not see the same level of effort on your partners part.
There has to be some sense of you are trying really hard and both of you are making changes and that those changes are making a difference.
If both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time... then that is a positive healthy sign for your relationship.
If partners really love each other they
know each others needs and feelings
Fact... It is a TOTAL set up and unfair to expect your partner to be able to read your mind.
Because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants that is essentially what you are doing... you are making MASSIVE assumptions based on your own EXPECTATIONS of HOW you want your partner to be and behave?
We develop this expectation as kids in one way or another and as adults we are responsible for communicating our own feelings and needs.
And once you have communicated your needs and feelings a better measure of the quality of your relationship is whether your partner actually listens to your words and understands you.
If you are truly in love passion will never fade
Fact... Thanks to movies and romantic novels you assume that if you genuinely love someone the passion urging and loving never goes away.
And if they do disappear then it must not be the right relationship or our relationship must be in trouble... because passion naturally diminishes in all relationships over time and is replaced with a deeper intimacy in a healthy loving relationship.
Daily routines are one of the culprits for diminishing passion and as our responsibilities grow and roles expand couples have less and less time and energy for each other and this does not mean that the passion is gone for good.
With a little planning and playfulness and investing time for romancing each other you can boost the passion and keep it alive and healthy in your relationship... I see and help many relationships where passion is alive and well.
Passionate sexing is a product of sustained emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration and sense of playfulness of each other... I also emphasized the importance of couples doing new things to perk up their relationships not just plodding along stuck in a rut and that means sexing as well.
When it comes to passion squashing routines I suggested couples ask themselves...
"How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?"
Like everything in a relationship... the passion between you both needs constant nurturing to keep it is flame alive and healthy.
Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage
Fact... Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child.
This does not mean that you start loving each other less or that you will not bond at all over your child and the mounting challenges can complicate relationships and put real strain on the couples bond with each other and having realistic planning helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles.
When you think that a child will improve your relationship it often only adds to the complications and these expectations cloud your judgement... I know of many instances where the woman has deliberately fallen pregnant without the man knowing hoping to improve the relationship between them and instead it has had the complete opposite effect of driving him further away.
I recommend planning ahead between you both and talking about the changes that will occur when you have your first child or more children.
Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring
Fact... Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship or the lack there of.
Take the following example...
If you have a jealous partner you might try to show them how much you care so they do not get jealous and you soon realize that any amount of caring is not a cure for their jealous reactions.
While you can be supportive your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own and no matter what you do you cannot make your partner feel more secure or change their personal confidence.
Trying to make your partner jealous also can backfire on you and while men and women are just as likely to experience jealousy their reactions differ... men either get very defensive or angry thinking that the relationship is not worth it and leave.
Women on the other hand respond by trying to improve the relationship or themselves.
Fights ruin relationships
Fact... In reality what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights.
Fights can be really healthy and an important form of communication and clearing the air also the type of fight a couple has plays a role.
Not surprisingly nasty scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution less and not talking for days damage the relationship and is the breeding ground for massive resentment to build up... so when the next fight happens and that resentment explodes further damaging the relationship even more and hastening the destructive cycle of love that has existed in the relationship.
Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement help a couple build on the love in their relationship and move the relationship forward.
In order for the relationship to be successful
the other partner must change.
the other partner must change.
Fact... Many times you are very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how you can become a better partner.
Instead you demand that your partners make such and such changes and unless there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity or when it takes the two of you to agree to make changes that is healthy positive sign.
We can all agree to disagree and even more than that... it is up to you to figure out what you can do and it is a profound mental shift to look at what can I do and what changes can I make?
While this seems simple and obvious yet 100 percent of the couples I see point the finger at each other and never look at themselves or their own actions and choices that has brought their relationship to the unhappy state it is in.
Couples Coaching means your relationship is really in trouble
Fact... By the time couples seek coaching this may be true and changing this mindset is key.
Most couples seek relationship coaching when they have been suffering for a really long time and what elements were good in the relationship are destroyed... instead I suggest that people view couples coaching as preventative measure to working on their problems and finding solutions to them.
This way such as when a couple comes in to see me when they have been stuck on one or two conflicts for a few months and not five or six over the last 10 years and they can work and cooperate together to find ways forward that actually strengthens their relationship and it is not an emergency operation to keep their relationship alive!
PREVENTION is far more effective than trying to heal a relationship that was once loving that has become resentful and embittered.
If you feel you are facing seemingly unconquerable struggles then please do Contact Me.
It is far better to seek help now when there are the first signs of stress in a relationship which can be worked on and the relationship brought back to a healthy state.
Then when your relationship has become so bad that not even critical emergency help can save the love you both once shared.
And practically speaking that completes my conversation for this article.
Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?
I would love to hear from you.
Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!
Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers
1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.
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3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth!
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