Are You AWARE Of How Your Destructive Thinking Affects You?


By Ange Fonce


One of the key realizations I have had is that every thought I have and every idea I come up with is to serve me or in other words... everything I think is be something that helps and benefits me.

Now if I asked you to write down every destructive thought you have in 5 minutes... you would be amazed at how many destructive thoughts run through your mind. 

All those destructive thoughts you are thinking are actually hindering you and are of no benefit to you. 

Ask your self a question?

Why am I thinking all these destructive thoughts... do I need to be thinking anything that hinders me or decreases my opportunities of being successful? 

And yet you do repeatedly repeat these destructive thought patterns... why? 

Too often I think we either convince ourselves or allow others to convince us that certain destructive circumstances just cannot be helped or that no matter how hard you try you will never get the result you want. 

I know that many of you will end up subconsciously sabotaging yourself.





How Do You Do This? 


You unconsciously use logic and all of your brain power to try and come up with and prove all the reasons in a destructive way as to why you will not be successful.

The major problem in this cycle is that most of us are incredibly smart... your brain is amazing mechanism and if you propose a question to yourself like this... 

"Why this will not work?" 

Or...

"Why will I not be be successful?"

Your brain is going to come up with a lot of answers to give reasons and justify “why” to your questions!

You can become attached to destructive thinking quickly for a couple of reasons...

First... because sometimes the traditional logic makes the more destructive outlook seem right. 

There is no denying that in some tough circumstances... occasionally it seems to "all make sense" to acknowledge all the stuff going on and admit that we are probably going to fail... it is okay to be realistic... yet when you start to get into trouble is when you start to let your mind tilt your psychologically so that you become inclined to go with the destructive possibilities more than you trust the constructive ones. 

Even in a bad situation and even in the worst possible situation... there are always constructive solutions that are realistic and make sense. 

The key is to avoiding extremes and not to ignore problems and challenges and not to focus more on obstacles than you do on solutions.

The second reason "why" it is easy to become attached to destructive thinking is because of the victim mentality. 

There is a theory that all the things we do... even damaging or self destructive behaviours are giving us some kind of pay off... no matter what you are doing even if it seems crazy to think that you are getting something out of it... there is something you are getting out of it... which is called the "secondary emotional pay off." 

In some cases even if the primary emotion you are feeling is sadness or anger... something we could all generally agree we do not want... there is something else secondary going on... like getting attention or sympathy from others or feeling self righteous and judging others.

The truth is that no matter how right or logical it may seem and no matter how good it may feel to play the victim... destructive thinking never serves you... it is not possible for destructive thinking to benefit you... it just does not happen... it does not matter how bad the situation is... sitting around and thinking about how bad it is certainly will not make it better... actually it can only make it worse. 

I want you to imagine a hypothetical situation and do not worry about mentally filling in the details... just presume that in this situation you have a 99% chance of failing. 

Now ask yourself this...

"Does thinking about my chances of failure... improve my options to succeed?"

Of course not!

When this epiphany hit me... it hit me hard... there is just no way to rationalize or defend the idea of destruction thinking... there is no way destructive thinking can help or benefit you and why would you use your mental power for anything other than things that helps and benefits you?

So in my life I have established the principles that I will only subscribe to paradigms that serve me...  basically every thought... idea... decision and action needs to be one that helps me acquire the success I desire to achieve... so my thinking is tuned for the constructive and not destructive thoughts that will hinder me. 

Of course that is a huge challenge in day to day life... because there are lots of hurdles to overcome and lots of obstacles that can come at me unexpectedly... what I want us to be able to agree on is the idea that destructive thinking is not helpful... there is a number of reasons why people are attached to their destructive thinking... I just named the two most common that I see. 

The reality is some people are vehemently tied to the idea of being destructive and will not let it go no matter what... that is why it is so crucial that we establish your commitment to stop destructive thinking in your life. 

It will be tough at times because  you will have had lots of practice of a destructive mindset. 





Constructive Thinking That Can Serve You.


I am going to do that by giving you three examples of destructive thinking or paradigms that DO NOT serve you and then contrast them with paradigms that DO serve you.

Let us consider this question...

They Will Not Buy It...
 
This involves the business and process of selling. 

A lot of people are in sales and even if you are not in direct selling there is probably some element of your job or life that involves getting some commitment from some other people... like getting employees to "buy into" a company objective... presenting an idea to your boss... getting your kids to go to bed on time... etc.

For a lot of people in sales a primary obstacle is having an aversion to rejection... many times a salesperson can be rejected so often in the course of a work day or work week that he or she begins to anticipate rejection of their sale offer... they become conditioned to expect people to say no.

When I first started in business I had to learn to sell... I brought in a lot of my own personal biases to the sales process and began projecting them on others... for a long time I was the type of person who could not be sold anything... I would always say no... it probably had to do with habits I got from my parents or some other idea I was programmed with and somehow I had been ingrained with the idea of always saying no if someone was trying to sell me something.

So when I started to market and sell my services... I just imagined that everyone was like me and would always say no... the times when they said "yes"... I was actually surprised I even thought it was odd that they would want what I was selling.

It took a long time for me to realize people DO want and like the service I am providing... I realized that I had brought destructive programming into that selling situation and that I had to transform my way of thinking... so the idea I adopted... the one I maintain to this day when selling anything is that everyone wants what I am providing as a service and that people who do say no... are saying no for a reason... and that reason is for me to understand. 

So I now come come the position that no matter who my prospect is... no matter what their age... gender... race... apparent economic status they will all want what I am providing... they will be excited and eager to make use of my services when I present the offer and they will all say "yes."

Now... you may argue and say... 

"Ange...  that is just not true... they cannot all realistically want what you are selling and we both know they do not all say yes." 

And I will agree with you... that is true and as I mentioned above... when a person says no... it is for me to understand their reason...  and by possessing the attitude of expecting everyone to say "yes" serves me as it leads to increased construction results... I have made as many sales in a day as I previously accomplished in a week with this attitude. 

So while thinking everyone will say "yes" may not accomplish exactly that every time... it will certainly increase my results... therefore that paradigm serves and benefits me.




I Am Too Busy


Maybe the most often heard complaint... excuse... gripe or deconstructive comment you hear people make these days is... 

"I am too busy." 

It is the cry of a person who feels overworked with too much on their daily or weekly agenda... lots of people who need things from them and they are left feeling like there is not enough hours in the day... this feeling can come over people as a result of stress at work... at home... in their relationships and worry about the future or a combination of all these.

This is probably the most powerful instance of deconstructive mental paradigms running your life... there was a point in my life when I thought that being successful or being in control of my life meant that I would have less things to do. 

If I could just get it all done then I would be done with it and I would not have any more stuff to do and my life would be perfect... there are a lot of people like that... there a lot of people who if you called them or spoke to them at any given moment would start going off about how busy they are and how they are just slammed all the time and never get to rest. 

Well the truth is... if you really pressed them about what they are doing... most people are not really doing that much in the way of being productive... they have convinced themselves that they are busy all the time... even though they are really only dealing with two or three things... tops.

I really started to consider the lives of CEOs at Fortune 500 companies and elected officials or even just people who run their own successful businesses... they are doing more in the way of being productive than most of us... no matter what stage you are at in life there is someone who is doing more than you and being more successful as a result.

The key realization I had is this... 

They do not feel as busy as you. 

Steve Jobs was not running around complaining about how he has got so much on his plate and he just cannot handle it... he was running Apple one of the most successful companies in the world and I can almost guarantee he is more likely less stressed out than the average worker at Apple when he was alive.

There was a point in my life when I was really only handling one or two major responsibilities and I felt stressed out and busy all the time... then after after having a lot of important realizations about time investment... I am literally doing three times as much as I was before and I feel less busy.

Let me repeat that... 

I am actually getting three times as much done and I feel less busy and less stressed out. 

How? 

The first step was accepting and knowing that I really was not that busy to begin with... I know it is hard to accept and I want you to ask yourself this question? 

If you are really maxed out and at the end of your rope now... how can you possibly grow? 

If you think back a few years I am sure you can remember feeling equally stressed out about whatever you were handling then and in hindsight... you probably recognize that workload was actually nothing compared to what you are doing now.

Likewise you have to recognize that what you are dealing with now is nothing compared to what you will have to do later in life if you continue to grow and that is okay... there is a lot that goes into feeling less busy and getting more done... in a nutshell it starts with streamlining processes that help and benefit you and eliminating those that do not. 

It starts however with your attitude... start shifting your attitude and telling yourself that you are not busy and you do not feel tired... and I will go into greater detail about effective “time investment” in a future article.



People Do Not Like Me

One of the most unfortunate conditions that can occur in people is the state of continually thinking that you personally have nothing of value to offer to others and that no one likes you or wants to be around you. 

Most people are not extreme when it comes to this most people have a mild case of this condition.

We have our group of friends and family members that we feel comfortable around and maybe we even feel confident in meeting with new people... yet there are still instances when for whatever reason... insecurity is triggered in you and you start thinking people are rejecting you emotionally or socially.

Like investing your time and managing your life better the answer for this is multifaceted... for me the first step was disassociating my self image from anyone elses opinion. 

My saying is...

"It is your opinion of me and it is none of my business it is your business... I am highly content with who I am as a person and that serves as the basis for all my interactions with others."

My view of the world is everyone is happy to see me or meet me and they are excited and relish the opportunity to interact with me in anyway because I am a constructive person who brings value of some sort into their lives just by being who I am without having to try and seek their approval.

Like the sales example... you might argue that this cannot logically be true and that in certain instances some people will not like me... fine I will agree with you again  on that... yet thinking constructively that everyone likes me... causes me to act and behave in a more likeable fashion.

I imagine positive energy physically coming out of me onto them and then being reflecting back at me... whether or not the positive energy coming from them is real or imagined the constructive attitude I reflect out is genuine... this starts an exchange which causes them to start treating me in a likeable way and vice versa.

It is possible to literally manufacture relationships that are genuine simply by imagining them and then allowing the emotion you get from that imagination to create a real tangible constructive interaction.

These are just three examples by which you can replace destructive thinking with paradigms that benefit you and serve you. 

They are meant to serve as a way of making the idea real in your mind and what I would like from you is that you consider every area of your life... every paradigm you have and make it one that serves you... one that betters you and helps benefit you in acquiring what you desire. 

What would happen if you could transform your way of thinking... instead of being stuck in destructive and stressful thoughts all day long?

Imagine what your life would be like?

Are you willing to invest in your self and transform that destructive way of thinking... will you do that for yourself or are you willing to put up with a lifetime of the same destructive thinking?

Because when you transform and renew your way of thinking from destructive thoughts to constructive thoughts and actions. 

Your life will change Dynamically for the better! 


SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT





Dated The 28th April 2016

I am proud to announce this BRONZE award for Very Good Standard in acquiring her goals and completing Dynamic Life Development Systems The First System Framing And Reframing The Mind to Jane Porter.

I will let Jane speak in her own words...





"I'm so glad that I found Ange's website and found a Life Coach that I would absolutely recommend. Ange's unending patience and understanding when I was struggling he lifted me out the hole many times and gradually reframed my mind to see things from a different perspective.

He has taught me so much and gradually my self esteem grew and I became stronger. This in turn made me accept what I can't change and that I think was the turning point for me.

He has completely changed my perception of myself and that in turn gave me the courage to see things from a different perspective.

He is so understanding and his knowledge on the human mind and behaviours never fails to amaze me.

He has the ability to make you realise that all things are possible. 

It has been a very positive experience, Ange has taught me so much through his articles and his never ending patience and wisdom. He has listened to me with so much patience and understanding and always found the positive side even when I was down that dark hole when I thought there was no way out.

He has certainly reframed my mind to think more positively and accept myself with less criticism. 

It's been exhilarating at times and extremely painful other times but it was all for a good reason.

I've learned than change can't happen without stepping outside your comfort zone and that's the scary thing, but so necessary. Fear is something we manufacture in our own heads…when it comes to actual change its never as scary as we think it will be.

Ange’s knowledge and understanding of human relationships both with ourselves and others is so extensive and always delivered with compassion and kindness. I have to add that Ange’s unique sense of humour makes me feel so at ease and makes him so approachable.

Most of the modules were very helpful and thought provoking. It made me realise that my insecurities and fears were much the same as most people's. When you delve into these you realise how many other people are just as scared and unsure about their life experiences as I have been.

Working through them has taught me a lot especially about putting a positive spin on situations and less negativity.

Fantastic service thanks.

Thanks Ange."


Jane P... UK

Jane has been a wonderful lady to work in partnership with and it has been a pleasure to get to know this smart and intelligent Lady and she is now welcomed to The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers as a BRONZE Dynamic Lifer!

Jane is now moving on to The Second System... Shaping and Reshaping your Time

The Science of Goal & Project Time Investment and the Science of Dynamic Verbal Communication!

Where I know Jane will excel and do equally well.

May you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day.




If you are Happy and you KNOW IT... your unusual because you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!



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