Are You AWARE Of How You Create

Your Own Stress In Your Life?

By Ange Fonce

The most tragic thing about stress without a doubt is that so much of it is self created and self inflicted. 

You will spend so much time thinking about potential problems and penalties and punishments that you will make yourself miserable... you walk around worrying about what may happen or you build up your number of commitments so high that you never have time to unwind and relax... you just run from place to place... job to job... commitment to commitment without ever being able to stop and look at all the wonderful things that surround you... you are too focused on the tasks to come that you do not see the present beauty.

Of course there is positive stress and that is a balanced focused stress as some people put themselves in stressful situations in order to test themselves or to learn about themselves. 

I joined the army for nine years partly to test my own limits and I always knew that the time would end and I knew I was there by choice... so even in basic training when stress levels are incredibly high... I knew that things were not so bad as I had chosen to be there and the last day would come soon enough. 

I chose to go to University and take the tests and write the papers and the stress was part of the package... I learned a very strong lesson about the power of stress in my first graduate program though. 

I constantly felt sick for the entire two years... my stomach was constantly upset as my digestion was almost never what one would call settled and these two situations led to a third preoccupation with the physical symptoms... which caused a great deal of additional stress for me... this additional stress made the symptoms worse... so the preoccupation grew stronger which made the symptoms even worse and I was caught in a self defeating cycle. 

How do I know that the problems were caused by stress? 

That is simple... they were gone three days after I finished my last course and they have never returned... most people do not realize the power of stress and the way it can affect your body...  most of us think that the only symptom of stress is that “stressed out feeling”... the jitters and inability to focus and concentrate... yet stress is much more insidious than that as it eats away at you... giving you headaches... dizziness... upsets your body in many ways and making you want to sleep too much or not letting you sleep enough and once these symptoms start and we begin to fear a serious physiological disorder... things just get worse.

In my second graduate program my stress level was much higher as I completed the coursework for my second degree... yet by then I had learned much more about stress and how to deal with it... part of that was due to learning and understanding the conditions of stress and due to the fact that I pro  actively tried to deal with the stress. 

One of the most important ways that I dealt with it was laughter.

I watched anything that would make me laugh... even though I am not much of a fan of television and I would read funny stories often... I also went for long walks regularly... I would get up on a weekend morning and choose a place to have breakfast that was a long way away simply to force myself to walk that distance and then walk home.

I was fortunate enough to find out how stress affected me and to work on ways to deal with it and I am surrounded by people who are not able to do so... part of the problem is the amount of importance that they attach to almost insignificant details... couple that with the perfectionism that so many people suffer from and you see a huge problem. 

Things can never be perfect and if you spend your time trying to make them so... you are dooming yourself to failure... because perfect just does not exist... it is an illusion... there comes a point at which you have to let go of one thing and move on to the next and many people cause stress for themselves by making this process an agonizing one.

People who procrastinate do this to themselves a lot for trying to accomplish everything before a deadline of tomorrow is much more stressful than working on it bit by bit for several days... if  you are working for someone who criticizes a lot or who uses the threat of punishment or demotion or firing as motivation... you are bound to be much more stressed than others. 

If you have an instructor who focuses on trivialities in order to determine a grade you are also doomed to focus on those trivialities and stress yourself out...  you have to know in your mind that those trivialities are not worth your time. 

I had an instructor like that in one of my graduate programs. 

He focused on things like keeping the verb "to be" out of our papers... like I should not write...
"Romeo is one of Shakespeares most popular tragic heroes."

And supposed to write instead...  

"Romeo stands out as one of Shakespeares most popular tragic heroes."

Which to me is purely a matter of personal preference and he was trying to force his personal preference on all of his students. 

Very early in the term I realized that the price I would have to pay in rewriting all of my work to his standards was not worth it... so I resigned myself to the "B" in his course and focused more on the content of my work than the trivialities. 

It was the only "B" I got in that particular program and the way I felt after accepting it was worth it... other wise I would have spent that entire term stressing out over his trivialities and instead I focused on things that were much more important and useful to me.

And you know... that no employer when I was employed by other people has ever asked me to justify the "B" in his class... no past employer has ever seen my transcripts... they just ask to see my degree... so I saved myself three months of stress that I would have undergone for no reason at all.

So FOCUS on what is important and useful to you... what will aid your success and adds value to your life... do not waste your life "stressing" about others... you will just end up in a right mess... feeling totally "stressed" yourself.

So let me ask you this question...


There are people who seem to make a life out of worrying... who cannot look at anything going on in their lives without finding cause to think that the worst of everything is going to happen and that it is going to happen to them or to those they love or both. 

And these people who worry so much are forgetting some very important life lessons... the most important of which is that worrying does not change a single thing and it does not help one bit... so why worry?

It is easy to be concerned when someone is about to do something risky... if one of my sons or my daughter suddenly took off for a country that is plagued by violence without any extra money or security measures... it would be very easy for me to worry about his or her safety and well being. 

There would be many things that could happen to him or her and it would be easy to focus on those negative possibilities and worry about them... and you know what...  my worrying would not do a thing to change the situation and it would make me rather miserable and if he or she called to say hi and I could only talk about how worried I was... I would not be able to support or encourage them at all.

If I suddenly lost my job and did not have any money in the bank... I most definitely could worry about my finances... I might end up losing my home and many of my possessions and I could go into debt and ruin my credit rating and my worrying would not help my situation at all and it could negatively impact my health through the stress and strife that I would experience.

Worrying comes when you think of negative future possibilities that probably will never happen... it is that simple.

You spend time and energy thinking about the negative things that could happen and not dealing with the problems that have happened and therefore the energy that you have expending is wasted because those negative things tend not to come about after all. 

Mark Twain said that... 

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." 

And most of you can relate to this statement. 

Most of what you worry about never comes to pass and the time you spent worrying was time and energy wasted and even if the worst does come to pass... the worrying did not do a thing to help make it less difficult... less intense... less negative... you could have invested your time preparing for the outcome rather than worrying about it and instead you devoted your energy to purely self centred and selfish concern.

Worry is a reflection of a lack of trust that life will be good to you... worry reflects a lack of  trust in yourself and in other people to do things that need to be done when they need to be done and a lack of trust that you will be able to deal with difficulties when they surface in your life... worry keeps you from helping other people... it causes you many negative results through the stress and strife that it brings and it wastes a lot of the precious energy that you have in your life. 

The only way to combat worry... is through acceptance.

Acceptance of the current situations in your life and taking positive action to counter the effects of possible negative factors in your life. 

Worry does not change anything except your own stress levels and it is important that you leave it behind as soon as you can if you want to live your life and your todays fully and completely in a creative and productive way.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright kick arse person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for any problems you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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