Are You Attracted to These 4 Highly Toxic Personality Types 

By Ange Fonce

Very rarely do abusers of both sexes conform to the stereotypical image of a constantly harsh... nasty or violent person... either in public or in private... more frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant picture to the outside world... often they have responsible jobs or are respected and important members of the local community or religion and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. 

Nor are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel and can display apparent kindness and consideration... this Jekyll and Hyde tendency of the abuser serves to further confuse the victim... while protecting themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders... many victims describe sudden changes in mood... one minute nice and the next explosive or hysterical... or one minute happy and the next minute sad... this does not indicate some special mental problem... yet these behaviours are typical of abusive personalities and related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.

Drink And Substance Abuse

While neither drinking or the use of drugs are signs of an abusive personality... heavy drinking or drug abuse may be a warning sign and do increase the risks of abuse... especially violence taking place... often an abusive person will blame the drink for their abuse and a person who knowing there is a risk they could be violent when drinking or on drugs... chooses to get drunk or high... is in effect choosing to abuse. 

The link between substance abuse and domestic abuse is still being researched and it is apparent that while neither alcohol nor drugs necessarily cause violence... they do increase the risk of violence. 

Google about alcohol and domestic violence.

History of Battering Or Sexual Violence

Very rarely is abuse or violence a one off event... a batterer will beat any woman he is with... a sexually abusive person will be abusive toward all their intimate partners... situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality... sometimes friends or family may try to warn you about the abuser... sometimes the abuser may tell you himself or herself that they have hit or sexually assaulted someone in the past. 

And they may further go on to explain that... 

"She made me do it by ..." 

“He made me do it by...”

In some way or other they will not take responsibility and shift the blame on to the victim... they may tell you that it will not happen with you because... 

"You love them enough to prevent it." 

“You will not be stupid enough to wind me up that much."

Once again... this is denying their own responsibility for the abuse and shifting the responsibility for the relationship to remain abuse free on to you. 

And if you do not see those as HUGE RED FLAGS... take the rose tinted glasses of will you!

Past violence is one of the strongest pointers that abuse will occur... if at all possible... try to speak to their previous partners.

Negative Attitude Toward Women Or Men

Some men may tell you that you are different to all the women they have known before... who display a lack of respect of women generally or who talk negatively and disrespectfully of their previous wives or girlfriends... they may tell you that you are special... not like the others and that they consider themselves to be the luckiest man alive to have found the last decent woman... it is not likely to be long before they remember that you are a woman and do not deserve their respect.

All of the above applies equally to women with a negative attitude towards men.

Threatening Violence

This would obviously include any threat of physical force such as... 

"If you speak to her again... I will kill you."

"If any wife of mine acted like Johns did... I would give her a right seeing to." 

Threats are designed to manipulate and control you... to keep you in your place and prevent you making your own decisions... healthy men and women do not threaten their mates... yet an abuser will excuse this behaviour by saying... 

"Everybody talks like that." 

Maintaining that they are only saying this because the relationship or you are so important to them... they will tell you that you are being over sensitive for being upset by such threats or obviously want to hurt you. 

Threats can also be less overt such as... 

"If you leave me... I will kill myself." 

"You are so wonderful... I will never let you go... I could not live without you."

Breaking Or Striking Objects

The abusive personality may break your treasured object... beat their fists on the table or chair or throw something at or past you... breaking your things is often used as a punishment for some imagined misdeed on your part. 

Sometimes it will be justified by saying that now that you are with them... you do not need these items any more.... breaking your possessions also has the effect of de personalising you... denying you your individuality or literally trying to break links to your past. 

Beating items of furniture or throwing objects will often be justified by saying you wound them up so much they lost control... once again shifting the blame for this behaviour on to you and is actually used to terrorise you into submission... only very immature or abusive people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.

Physical Force During An Argument

BIG warning sign! 

What starts off in early courtship as a bit of a push or a shove... can turn into full blown beatings not long down the road.... an abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room... lash out at you with their hand or another object... pin you against a wall or shout right in your face.

Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that serious physical violence is a strong possibility. 


Abuse Victim Characteristics...

Although there is no specific type of person who is more likely to be abused... there are abuse victim characteristics which people in an abusive relationship tend to have in common or display. 

These can include...

Low self esteem

Emotional and economic dependency

Continued faith and hope abuser will "grow up"


Stress disorders or psychosomatic complaints

Accepts blame and guilt for violence

Socially isolated... avoids social interaction... never seems to be alone

Believes social myths about battering

Believes in stereotypical sex roles

Has poor self image

Contemplates or attempts suicide or self harms

Participation in pecking order battering

Appears nervous or anxious

May defend any criticism of abuser

May have repeatedly left or considered leaving the relationship

Although the above list is not exhaustive and may not always indicate an abusive relationship... many abuse victims show many of these behaviours and attitudes or change in some other subtle way.

Research would also seem to indicate that victims of domestic violence have a higher incidence of alcohol or drug abuse... this might be prescription drugs rather than street drugs than non victims. 

According to Stark & Flitcraft (1996) women who experience domestic violence are 15 times more likely to have alcohol dependency and 9 times more likely to have a drug problem than women not experiencing domestic violence... rates of misuse of both increase after the first violent episode. 

According to the British Crime Survey self completion questionnaire Home Office Research Study 191... the risk of suffering domestic violence is also associated with increased alcohol consumption for both male and female victims.

Another of the abuse victim characteristics is suffering from what is called traumatic bonding... where to put it very briefly... a very strong emotional bond is built up with increases the more trauma is experiences... this is why so many abuse victims feel that they really really love their abuser... they are mistaking traumatic bonding with love.

If you recognise the above abuse victim characteristics in yourself... a family member or a friend... please consider the possibility that they may be in an abusive relationship... seek further information on domestic abuse and consider calling a helpline.

If you never do ANYTHING about ABUSE in any form... it will never be stopped... WE are all RESPONSIBLE for challenging and stopping ABUSE!


And it is only our own ACTIONS that will be the cure for it.

As you may well be aware now by reading this article... any form of  ABUSE cannot be covered just in one article alone.

I will be covering this subject in further articles.

And practically speaking that completes my conversation for this article.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Intellectual Badass... noun

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur!... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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