"If Only" Is "Wishing" In Disguise And Keeps You “Blind” To “What Is!” 

By Ange Fonce


You spend the whole day making sure everyone is happy... yet who is taking care of YOU? 

Before anyone can love and care for you... you must first learn to "love"... VALUE and CARE for yourself. 

I consider "IF ONLY" to be two very dangerous words... they are dangerous because they actually distract you from the real cause of your unhappiness... and creates a “false world” of “wishful thinking.”

"IF ONLY" has you "WISHING" for "answers" outside yourself... forever trying to "change" and "control"... how others behave in order to feel better about your own life.

You often "wish" that your relationships... work and health could be better... "IF ONLY"... this person acted a certain way... or "IF ONLY" there were not so many obstacles in the way... "IF ONLY"... blinds you to what is "really happening" to you... and it turns you away from the one thing that CAN change how you "feel"... and "think" about your life.

And that is looking within... to “how”... you really “think”... and “how” you really "feel" about yourself... and most importantly... “how” you "VALUE" yourself?

Because in order to feel fully content and “dynamic” with your life...  you must first and foremost learn to “love”... “understand”... and "VALUE" yourself... and here is the difficult part... most of us do not even realize that we do not love or even possess the most “basic” of “understanding” of ourselves... let alone... possess any VALUE of ourselves.... most people are living in the world of “WHAT IF” and “wishing” their lives away.

You think... "IF ONLY"... I could make a little more money... “IF ONLY”... I could afford the things that would “make me” really happy... like remodelling your kitchen... buying a better car... or booking a vacation to “never... never land”... which is fine in a child cartoon story... useless in the REAL World.

“IF ONLY... I could get some cooperation around the house from my partner or kids... I could finally relax and do something nice for my self instead of wearing myself out keeping things tidy and functioning.”

“IF ONLY... I did not work such long hours... or have such a long commute... I would have the energy to go to the gym and eat better... and take better care of my health.”

“If only... if only... if only”... a “lucky dip bag” full of “wishes” and nothing ever “changes”... the “reality” is... not one of those... "if only"... will make you feel happy at all... even if you had everything you wanted... there would be something else that would eat away at your contentment.. because the... "if only"... are SYMPTOMS... the EFFECT... of  the real problem.

So you need to get clear about the CAUSE of the real problem... so you can “focus” on a “solution” that will REALLY work... instead of wishing... "IF ONLY."

2 Signs That You Do Not Really Love And VALUE Yourself

The real problem... and why so many people feel "chronically unhappy" with their life... is related to how you really feel... think and "VALUE" yourself... in order to feel at peace and fully “dynamic” with your life... you must first and foremost learn to love yourself... understand yourself... and "VALUE" yourself... and for most people... it is hard to know whether or not you truly love... accept and "VALUE" yourself... or if you deceive yourself into “believing” you do.

So What Are The Signs That You Actually Do Not Love yourself?

When I work with individuals or in a group session... there are many signs that point to a person not loving themselves... these two signs are particularly insidious... because they lie beneath that chronic sense of “discontent... unhappiness”... that takes the form of “self abuse” and leaves an individual open to being “abused”...  that can last decades... a lifetime even... see if you can relate...to these 2 signs.

SIGN...1...  You run yourself ragged trying to be everything to everyone.

Your boss sends you a last minute request... and you always do them right away... even when it means missing “meeting up” with your friends... lover or getting to know someone new... you give up “time”...with your kids... or workouts to take “care”... of your own “health”... in other words you put everyone else and their “needs”... before your self.

You offer to watch your neighbours dog while he or she is on vacation... even though you barely have time to walk and play with your own dog.

You say "yes" even when you do not have the time... energy or desire... because you do not want to disappoint the people that you “think”... count on you... little realizing they are taking “advantage” of you... and “using” you.

You think your problem is that you are not organized enough... that you do not set good enough boundaries... or that there is just not enough time in the day to do everything you want to do... in other words your LIFE is at the "bottom of the pile"... and others are above you... and what do you think the “problem” is?

The problem is that you do not "love"... “respect” or VALUE yourself to ever say "NO"... as you are always trying to PROVE something to someone... that you are a good partner... a good parent... a good employee... in other words that you are a GOOD boy or girl... and that if you are a SUPER GOOD... boy or girl... others will love... respect and "VALUE" you... you are looking for all these “validations” outside of yourself and "expecting" them from other people... unless you learn to "love" yourself... "respect" yourself... "VALUE" yourself...  you will forever run yourself ragged and never feel “accomplished”... you will be the “doormat” for everyone else... and on top of that... you will constantly “abuse” yourself for not being... “good enough.”

Do you “relate” to any of the above?

SIGN... 2... You Never Think Or Feel Like You Are "Enough."

No matter what you do for others... you never feel like you are enough... meaning... you do not ever “trust” that other people can love... respect and "VALUE" you... nothing you do is ever "good enough" to make others... or yourself... happy and satisfied for long... and because you “think” you are never “good enough”... you start “abusing” yourself in your own “thinking.”

You are stuck in a constant “self reinforcing”... “negative feedback loop” about yourself... and when you are “stuck” in this kind of “thinking” about yourself... it really harms not only your relationship with your self... it also causes real and great harm to your relationships with other people.  

If you are single... this shows up in that constant sinking feeling you get whenever your partner... or someone you are getting to know... is acting distant... or your worry over whether or not they will call you again.... they may have told you they had a nice time being out with you and enjoyed your company... yet... you will not “trust” what they are saying is “genuine”... you are convinced that other people have great relationships... and that you never will... after all you have “convinced”... yourself... you are not “good enough.” 

If you are in a relationship... it could mean that you seethe with “jealousy” and “resentment” whenever your partner talks about another person or pays attention to anyone else... your “insecurities” run riot and you  “fear being abandoned”... and you worry about them breaking up with you... so you either then go into “ultra control freak” mode... or go into “ultra extra nice” mode... letting them “abuse” you and become their “doormat”... you cannot handle criticism and go into “ultra sensitive defensive” mode... and feel like your partner is constantly on your back... you are never... “good enough.” 

At work it means not feeling “appreciated“ or “respected”... and "VALUED" for your contribution... at home it can be second guessing how you treated your kids... did you say the right thing... is someone going to think you are a bad parent?

You are never happy with your “appearance” and how you look or feel about yourself... and therefore giving up on the habits that can really make a difference in your appearance and your "health and fitness."

You may think all these problems are the results of choosing the wrong partner... or having an inconsiderate boss... or out of control kids... when actually everything I have mentioned above... are all "symptoms"... the “effects”...  of a far greater problem... the “cause” being... 

That you do not LOVE... RESPECT and VALUE yourself.

Which often leads to strained... or broken relationships... career setbacks and a whole host of both mental and physical health issues... plus the worst and most “destructive relationship” of all... the relationship with YOURSELF... because your relationship with yourself has become “distorted” and “unhealthy”... in your own “psychology”... you have no TRUST in yourself and are your own WORST ENEMY!

Not loving yourself is a symptom of so many "personal problems"... yet there are solutions that can turn everything around.

Learning To Love Yourself Is A Dynamic Process With A Lifetime Of Rewards

You can "solve" a lot of the problems you are experiencing in life when you learn to "love"... "respect" and "VALUE" yourself... you will not have to run yourself "ragged" anymore... you will not have to feel "inadequate" in any area of your life... or wonder if you will ever be loved the way you deserve... because you will not “allow” yourself... or “allow” others to make you think and feel... “you are not good enough”... because you will develop “healthy self esteem”... you will develop "healthy personal confidence”... you will develop "healthy boundaries” for yourself of  "self love"... "self respect" and "SELF VALUE."

You just need to learn "how" to “develop” yourself into a “dynamic” man or woman and “personally” accept to TRUST yourself fully.

This process... which I “evolved” into a "powerful system" that I have successfully taught to both men and women... will enable you to free yourself of feelings of "chronic dissatisfaction"... and will increase your "personal self esteem"... and develop “personal dynamic confidence”... and “enable” you to gain a “healthy” balance in  your life and love.

Here is a sample of what you will learn when working with me in Dynamic Life Development Systems... 

The underlying cause of "people pleasing" and how to "reprogram your thinking" so you are not “automatically” serving other people in "people pleaser mode"... at the expense of your own life and well being.

You will learn and put into practice... new "positive dynamic attitudes" that develop an "abundant mindset"... so that you have the power to “break” you out from prior "negative conditioning"... and your  "poverty mindset."

Why blaming others when things "fail" can actually stunt any “positive regard” you have for yourself... and how to get out of the vicious... destructive "mind set" and "behaviour cycle" of "blame" and "helplessness"... and being "authentic".. and“responsible” for your own “behaviours” and “actions”... that “empower” you.

The physiological and  psychological reason you are attracted to the people you are attracted to... and how knowing this can transform a "problem" relationship into an opportunity for “personal growth”... and much more!

How to become “personally powerful” as a confident Dynamic Lifer... Master of “influence” and “persuasion”... that others will “look up to”... VALUE... RESPECT... and LOVE!

And yes... you can “change”... when you learn “how” to turn that polarity of  “self hating abuse” running as a “negative feedback loop” in your mind... into a positive “self loving"... "self respecting"... "SELF VALUING”  positive feedback loop... the “challenge” is to do the “work”... and being “committed” to “changing” yourself... for a “better” you.

When you learn to love yourself... respect yourself... and most of all... "VALUE" yourself... you and all your relationships can be “dynamically transformed”.... you will no longer run yourself ragged... trying to please everyone... the “people pleaser”... and never feeling like you are “not good enough” at the end of the day... “feeling crap” about yourself... “thinking crap” about yourself... and “feeling” that you are at the “bottom” of the pile.

Imagine instead... what would happen... when you feel "self assured"... "personally confident"... you are off "high value"... trusting yourself... relaxed with yourself... successful and free... living the life of a DYNAMIC LIFER... what would happen for you... how will your life be?

Because when you can "imagine it"... you can make it happen for REAL!

So... are you wanting to “change”... to "personally develop" yourself to grow... and become like other Dynamic and Confident men and women of HIGH VALUE and INFLUENCE?

If you are then... Contact Me... to know more.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely




Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life and wealth! 


To Speak to Ange CLICK HERE



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